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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: I'm Having an Affair and Don't Want to Stop

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: I'm Having an Affair and Don't Want to Stop

Hello E. Jean and DearSugar

Here’s my situation: I’m a 30-something professional, married, with a couple kids, and for the last couple years, I’ve also been secretly involved with a most amazing guy, who is also married and who travels a lot for his work. We meet occasionally when our schedules permit. Since we cannot risk being seen in public, we limit our interactions to the most amazing romantic encounters I've ever experienced in my life; and he says, the same goes for him.

My dilemma is the following: I’m in love with the guy and want even more than the meetings and sweet emails and chats we exchange. It hurts me that he never talks about any possibility, no matter how far in the future, for anything beyond our romantic hotel room encounters. It might be silly, but if he told me wait for him for 10 years, I think that I would. He says that he is in love with me and he is caring and attentive during our encounters and in email. He also seems to have a good, solid marriage, while I’m in a marriage mainly because I don't want to be a single mother. As I said, I am 30-something years old and know that my feelings for the guy are deep and real. I truly am in love with him, yet some aspect of this relationship feels very painful. What to do? Deeply In Love

To see E. Jean's answer


Ninety-nine out of 100 Dear Sugar readers (whom I love) are waiting for me to bang you over the head with the Three Mortal Floggers: the law of man, the law of God, and the law of the wild goddesses of PopSugar, and 99 out of 100 DearSugar readers will be disappointed.


Because I believe you are profoundly in love with the man. And if you aren’t free to love whom you love, dearest, what is your worth as a human being? Therefore, if you possess the mental strength to keep it quiet, and if you can find the moral vigor to challenge the conventions — a very difficult undertaking — then continue with the affair. Be nice to your husband. Enjoy your children; and stop fretting. The sex, the bliss, the passion, the pain, the craziness, the longing and the lust will not last. They always fade. Always.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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