Dear E. Jean,
I haven’t dated in a while and have put on a little weight. I’ve tried everything to take it off — nothing works. So to get myself motivated, I decided to look on Match.com just to see what was out there. When I signed up, my roommates (and their digital camera) were out of town. I did not have any pictures of the slightly larger, current me, so I used older, slimmer pictures. (I know, it’s a lame excuse, and I can say nothing in my own defense.)
To my horror, guys are in a race to get my number and talk to me! I have four guys very interested! Help! Do I tell them the pictures are not current? Or do I meet them anyway and hold my breath? And finally, do you have any secret to losing weight? — Dateless in Manhattan
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Dateless, You Doofbrain: Oh please. Tell the lads you’re as “plump as a porpoise” and meet them for coffee. Who knows, they may find you twice as alluring. Or you can say you’ll meet them next month and lose the weight.
Either way, stop plaguing yourself.
Who cares what men you’ve never met think of you? (Well, OK, OK, you do care, but you don’t desperately care.) The moment you start actually paying attention to what the buggers think — if they like you curvy or slim, smart or supersmart, white or black, young or younger, blonde or brunette — you’re doomed. It’s when you don’t give a big flying figdoodle what they think — that’s when they can’t get enough of you.
P.S. Balls. Trust me. Giant Balls. Balls you sit on. Get rid of your chair at work and sit on a big ball. It’s terrific for your back and posture And you burn tons more calories per hour because you are bouncing and rolling. Hell, just trying to sit on the damn things — and not fall on your rump — will work your core.
Auntie Eeee sits on a big (blue) ball to watch TV and another ball (also big and blue) to work at my desk. Yes. I have blue balls all over my house. This is my secret to losing weight.