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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: What Kind of Angry Should I be?

Dear E. Jean--

This guy and I have been hanging out for a little while now, and things seem to be going along -- very slowly. I really care for him, but I'm not quite sure how it is on his end.

We flirt at work, call each other, he emails me, we've been going to concerts, out to get coffee, he came along with me for my birthday--I really thought we had been gaining some Momentum.
Until yesterday.
We had plans to see a movie after work but then I never heard from him. I was a little unnerved and to be quite honest, pissed-off, simply because we said we were going to go and then . . . he never called.

This morning I got an e-mail from him, apologizing . He said his parents stopped by and took him out for dinner, etc. And that's fine, but the thing is, he couldn't just give me a 5-second phone call and let me know it wasn't going to work? I mean, I'm glad he apologized, but something still irks me.

He asked me if we could go tomorrow instead, via email. I haven't gotten back to him yet. Am I wrong for being this irritated about it? I know we're just friends right now (who’ve kissed and cuddled, and perhaps been on dates) but I think I deserved 2 seconds of his time to tell me he had to reschedule.

What do I do? Ignore the e-mail and wait for an actual call or get back to him? I'm just not quite sure how to take it. Should I be passive aggressive until he gets the point? Or be out-right angry and run the risk of him thinking I’m too high maintenance?

To see E. Jean's answer


How deliciously persnickety you are, my darling!

Listen to Auntie Eeeee: I like you. I want you to be happy. I know you’re upset (we’ve all been there); but please, please cease pouring your brain through a sieve. Don’t worry if you should be “out-right angry” or “passive-aggressive until he gets the point.” (That’s like asking if you should act like a dingbat or a snotty little bitchette.) Do neither. Be yourself. Repeat. Be Yourself.

That means, if you’re irked . . . be irked. But show your irked-ness in such a fetching manner, you enslave the lad even more deeply. When you see him say:

“Dang! You didn’t call about the movie! Please don’t do that again. You made me miss my man in Bourne.” (If you’re the dramatic-Winona-Ryder-type, at this point you can whip-out a PopSugar photo of the divine Damon and simply clasp it to your breast in heavenly woe.)

And then drop the subject.

The guy’s taking things v.v.v. slowly, true; but he’s crazy enough about you to be “flirting, calling, cuddling, e-mailing, birthday-celebrating, and kissing.” That probably means he’ll continue being crazy about you the next time you’re together. So don’t over-think. Let the magic work. Be yourself. And if he stands you up again? No need to write to E. Jean or DearSugar. Croak him.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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