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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: When Should I Have the Talk?

Dear E. Jean,

Quick question: I just started seeing somebody pretty great. I want to know when is the best time to ask him how he feels about the relationship? In other words, how long should I wait before we have “the talk”? I don’t want to screw this up! P.S. I’m 28. —Eager to Know

To see E. Jean's answer,


Miss Eager, My Elegantrix,

Because many males suffer from ED — Emotional Dickheadedness — I have two answers for you. Choose whichever fits your personality:

  1. If you are a saucy, super-witty, confident woman who can grab a chap by his metaphorical whirlygigs, look him in the eyes and say: "How much do you love me?" Don’t wait. Just flat out ask him.

However —

  1. If you’re like 99 percent of us — if you’re a little demure, a little vulnerable, a little scared by what he might say — then give it time. Asking a guy to “talk” about his “feelings” destroys the mystery. And when you destroy the mystery, you kill what attracted you to each other in the first place.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and

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