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Ask an Expat: Can I Tell Her He's Cheating?

Ask an Expat: Can I Tell Her He's Cheating?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, an American living in England dishes advice to a woman who is burdened with the knowledge of another person's infidelity. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

My boyfriend's friend cheats on his girlfriend. It's pretty much common knowledge among the group of friends, but his girlfriend doesn't know. At least I don't think she does. While the girlfriend isn't my best friend, I can't help but feel guilty when I'm around the couple. And I don't want my boyfriend to think I condone the infidelity. What should I do?

Feeling Guilty

To see the expat's answer,


Dear Feeling Guilty,

I don't think that you should say anything to your friend's girlfriend. Unfortunately (or fortunately!), their relationship problems aren't yours too.

If you can't let it totally go, you might consider convincing your boyfriend to tell his friend that the cheating makes you guys uncomfortable, especially when you're hanging out as couples. And if being around them still makes you feel guilty, maybe you should simply spend less time with them. It sounds like there might be other things you don't have in common with this couple, or at least the boyfriend.

You should also remember that since you are in a committed relationship, it probably goes without saying that you don't condone cheating. If, however, your boyfriend jokes around about it and seems to condone or support it himself, maybe it's time you and he had a talk about your own relationship and expectations. Good luck!

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