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Ask a Frenchman: Can I Turn a Hookup Into a Relationship?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. Today, a man born and raised in France will offer his common sense advice. You can submit questions here.

Today's Question:
I am a "good girl" serial monogamist and most recently I find myself in a relationship that can only be defined as a constant series of hookups with the same person.

We hung out for four months prior to any hookup occurring and other than the occasional we-aren't-together-reminder, it could be defined as any other relationship. I wouldn't label him as a douche or anything like that, but I'm dealing with someone with clear commitment issues (he never had a girlfriend) who finds it difficult to trust. (He was burned by his childhood best friend.)

That said, what is one to do in my position? Continue being available, hoping it turns into something committed, or end this in hopes he realizes his loss? It's easier said than done to simply move on; my question is how can I turn a hookup into a relationship?

— Wannabe Girlfriend

To see the Frenchman's answer,


Dear Wannabe Girlfriend,

I think you're thinking way too much. It's possible to turn a hookup into a relationship, but it takes two people. I think you know that this man does not want a relationship right now, so I say: enjoy yourself as is, or dump the guy. As we say in France: un de perdu, dix de retrouvés. Translation: "one lost, ten found."

Signed, A Frenchman


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