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Ask a High School Principal: I'm Not Sure About Kids

Ask a High School Principal: I'm Not Sure About Kids

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a high school principal offers his advice to a woman hesitant about motherhood. If you want to throw your hat into the ring, you can submit questions here.

This week's question:

I don't know if I want to have any kids. My boyfriend does. He'd like to start a family by the time he's thirty (in about five years). I know I don't want any children at this time. I guess I've always thought I'd have kids eventually. Sometimes I like the idea, but what if the desire for motherhood never really kicks in? I can't have a baby and think, "Oh wait, I don't really want this anymore." I don't want to resent my child, or my husband. How am I supposed to commit totally to a relationship when I don't know if we have the same goals for the future? Should I be worried about this now?

Signed, Confused About Kids

To see the high school principal's answer,

.

Dear Confused About Kids,

During my 30 years in education I have watched the lives of young people unfold in unique and unexpected ways. While much time has passed since high school, your early twenties are still a formative stage of your life and career. You should feel good about what you are struggling with, for it is a sign of maturity and emotional depth. However, before you jump in and tackle the idea of having children with your boyfriend, you might want to take on a broader discussion of where you are in your relationship.

There are many issues to ponder, so I suggest you do a little homework. And as is true with school, there are fun ways to learn. To further understand each others' intimate thoughts, you could play a game over dinner asking each other questions like, "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?" If either of you are from a large family, chat about how things might have been different if you or he were an only child. You could also ask each other to describe the ideal vacation. If he says it is a two week camping trip in the mountains and you are a sun and sand kind of girl, you better start talking. A little game like this could lead to a deeper discussion about the future and help you both decide if you are meant to live your lives together.

You certainly don’t have to come to a decision now about children, but if you harbor strong feelings on the subject you owe it to your boyfriend to express how you feel; you must come to some understanding before moving forward with your relationship. Good luck!

Signed, A High School Principal

Image Source: Getty
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Join The Conversation
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
you're 25.... no rush.
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
you're 25.... no rush.
mix-tape mix-tape 6 years
I never wanted to have kids until two things happened to me: I fell in love and when I saw my niece for the first time. I dated my ex for many years and I eventually had feelings of wanting to have a family with him in the distant future. The thought of creating and raising a child out of love with the man I fell in love with seemed so natural. Also, when my older brother and his wife had their daughter after trying to become pregnant for a very long time I knew some day I wanted to have a child of my own with the person I love as much as he loves his wife. I still say my heart grew the day I saw my niece for the first time. I can't imagine the feeling of having my own child.
hills hills 6 years
you are obviously not ready, when you know you want them I'm sure you will, but whatever you do don't get pressured, that's going to lead to major problems, not just for you {which could include you and your bf breaking up and being left with children you weren't totally ready for, and also resentment of your boyfriend for pressuring you to have them}.....it also would be really unfair on the kids, because you might find you not being the best mum you can be because you just aren't ready.....you have your WHOLE life, are you even sure you want to have children with this guy...... just make sure you want them before you dive in because a family is definitely not always easy.......
MSucre MSucre 6 years
thanks for the advice!
MSucre MSucre 6 years
thanks for the advice!
Sweetytart Sweetytart 6 years
Totally agree.
Sweetytart Sweetytart 6 years
Totally agree.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
He out did us all. Great advice.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 6 years
that is some of the best advice i have read on this site in awhile.
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 6 years
very sound advice, good job principal!!
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