Dear Pastry Chef,
Recently, I started a new job. After being unemployed almost eight months, this is definitely a major relief. However, I am in the transitioning phase where I am learning a bunch of new things and work is really consuming a lot of my time. At night, I am so exhausted. My desire to have sex is just not there. I want to do it and I hate having to turn my man down or go along with it just because I feel bad. I know many women have libido issues. How can I overcome this? Is this something that I just have to deal with?
Longing For My Lost Libido
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Dear Longing For My Lost Libido,
All I have to say is "tell me about it!" As someone who works in a career that equates to manual labor, I definitely know how you feel. After a long day of lifting heavy mixing bowls and running around the kitchen nonstop, it can be challenging to find that second wind when you leave the job. Maybe nighttime isn't the best time for you to "get busy." You might be more energized and pumped up in the morning or after a good workout.
First, I would try talking to your partner — especially since you don't want him thinking it's him turning you off! Then I would try being intimate at different times of the day, other than bedtime. I always feel it's a little more exciting and spontaneous when it's not bedtime. And aren't spontaneity and excitement two keys to a healthy relationship — physical or emotional?
Either way, don't stress it so much. If you're feeling it, go for it; if not, don't ever let anyone force you into it.
Congrats on the new job!
A Pastry Chef