Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a single woman tries to help out a mom looking to stay connected with her friends. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.
I got married when I was 25, which was before most of my friends. I'm now 30 and have two children ages three and six months. My husband is very successful and works relatively long hours, so I stay home and take care of the kids. I have my complaints, but I am overall happy with the situation. My problem is that I'm having a hard time relating to my girlfriends and I feel like a few of them look down on me for not working. One of my friends has a kid but she works, and the others are either single or haven't had children yet. Do you have any advice on how I can save my friendships?
To see the advice,
Dear Home Alone,
Always remember: different strokes for different folks. One thing I’ve learned as a non-mother with many friends with kids is that each mom does things her own way. Everyone has an opinion about breast-feeding, feeding their kids organic food, hiring a nanny so they can go back to work, or choosing to stay home with the kids. Becoming a mom, and everything that goes with it, can sometimes feel more competitive than high school, but try not to worry too much about what other people might think. You have to do what feels right.
With that said, I’m a huge proponent of keeping the lines of communication open. If you’re feeling distant from these women, talk to them about it — you might even find that they feel the exact same way! If you wish to spend more time with them, initiate the plans. Be proactive.
As we settle into our adult lives, having the time to do as we please becomes more of a luxury than a given (especially with a new baby!). But if these friendships are worth salvaging — on both ends — I have faith that with a little communication and understanding, everything will work itself out.
Good luck to you.