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Ask a Working Mom: I Hate My Friend's Girlfriend

Ask a Working Mom: I Hate My Friend's Girlfriend

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a working mom tries to help out a woman with a friendship dilemma. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

My good guy friend (he's best friends with my boyfriend) couldn't be sweeter. His girlfriend of six months, not so much. Ever since they started dating I've felt like she's been using him. She bosses him around, makes him feel guilty if he doesn't take her to nice dinners, and makes no effort to get to know his friends. What should I do?

Signed,
Concerned Connie

To see the working mom's advice,

.

Dear Connie,

It's always easier when we get along well with a friend's new significant other, but sometimes life isn't perfect. It's important to remember that you are not the one dating this woman. Your friend is an adult, and he can decide how much he can tolerate his girlfriend's complaining and demands. He might see a side of her that you don't, or he may have different expectations for relationships.

That being said, since he is your friend, you can address some of the ways his new relationship impacts your friendship. But instead of taking a confrontational approach, which may make him defensive, try to initiate some of the things you'd like to see change. Invite the two of them to your place for dinner, or ask him to include you and your boyfriend the next time they go to happy hour or out for drinks. If that doesn't work, and she seems really resistant to getting to know you guys, you could ask your friend what's up. Just ask him if they've really been too busy to hang or if there is something else going on. Instead of telling him that you think she's using him etc, listen to what he has to say and try to see if there is a solution. If this doesn't work, you might have to settle with spending time with your friend minus his plus one until something changes. Good luck!

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postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I agree with hypnotic... don't lend advice until he asks for it and the advice is welcome. Otherwise you're just sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Grit your teeth and bear through it. It sucks, and I'm sure we've all been there, but we gotta deal with the crappy significant others sometimes!
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
I think the advice is fine but personally I wouldn't insert myself intellectually in his relationship. I would wait for the slightest complaint out of his mouth about her and pounce on that as my moment. In my experience the secret to not damaging the relationship with the friend is to allow them to open the door because if they do they're seeking advise and that's when you give it to them because it's invited.
Daisy-Duke Daisy-Duke 6 years
There is no right answer for this situation. It sucks and my husband and I currently going through it. So frustrating! Really it has to do with the guy's self esteem and why he thinks he isn't worthy of a nicer/better girlfriend.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
sorry to say but stay out of it. its not your business. You wouldn't like someone interfering in your relationship because they thought you werent good enough for your bf or the other way around. It's sad I understand. I've had friends who get sucked in to these bad relationships and can't even hang out with friends because their gf's are so stuck up or dumb. But we can't say anything about it. It's not our business. Period.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
sorry to say but stay out of it. its not your business. You wouldn't like someone interfering in your relationship because they thought you werent good enough for your bf or the other way around. It's sad I understand. I've had friends who get sucked in to these bad relationships and can't even hang out with friends because their gf's are so stuck up or dumb. But we can't say anything about it. It's not our business. Period.
medenginer medenginer 6 years
I would just casually approach her with dinner or drinks option. She might act different with him in public and another woman there. After a few times together with them you can see the future and decide what to do. If she's got excuses or hesitant just randomly invite her so she doesn't feel excluded and still go out without her.
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