Skip Nav
Friendship
27 Reasons Your High School Friends Are Your Best Friends Forever
Valentine's Day
How to Throw the Ultimate Galentine's Day Party For Your BFFs
Sex
12 Actors Who Have Bared All on Screen

Awkward! He Liked Me Until He Saw My Facebook Page


Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

I met a guy on a matrimonial website (a little different from a regular dating website as the intention is for long-term relationships leading to marriage). Anyway he and I exchanged pics (he lives in a different city), and liked what we saw of each other so started texting and calling each other. It only lasted a month or so but he definitely expressed interest as I initiated first contact and all contact thereafter was initiated by him. So two weeks ago, he asked if I could add him to Facebook. Normally, I’m not comfortable with adding people I don’t know that well but I went with my gut feeling added him. Once I did, I saw that he’s very family oriented. Almost all his pics were of him with his family etc. I felt self-conscious of mine because a lot of my pics were from a few years ago, when I was a bit of a party girl. I’m still a social person, but I don’t really go clubbing much etc. now and I was concerned that my profile only reflected the me from a few years ago. Since I added him, we still have contact after but it seems to have scaled back significantly. He used to call or text every few days and now I haven’t heard from him in a week. How should I handle this?

Source

Around The Web
Benefits of Getting Married Young
POPSUGAR Fashion on Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, & Google+
Signs Your Boyfriend Is Your Best Friend
How to Secretly Change Your Relationship Status on Facebook
Latin-American Valentine’s Day Traditions
Facebook Status in Real Life
Stephen and Ayesha Curry Relationship Goals

POPSUGAR, the #1 independent media and technology company for women. Where more than 75 million women go for original, inspirational content that feeds their passions and interests.

Join The Conversation
dox dox 6 years
maybe you should update your profile a bit. not that you should remove your past completely from it but add some new photos and update your interest/hobbies. it does sound like your profile may have scared him away. he might have thought you were hiding a side of you. or maybe he just found another girl and is no longer interested. it could be either. the best way to find out is to ask him.
mix-tape mix-tape 6 years
Most people only have pictures from special days like going out to a club/bar, weddings, other crazy events, not what you do day to day so clearly it's easy to misjudge someone from these picture only. However, if he is the ultra family type, he may never experience those fun drinking nights that many people document via Facebook so he wouldn't understand them. Although you could take them down, it probably has already made an impression on him (regardless of whether or not he stopped talking to you just because of some pics). Like nearly everyone before me said, your past is a part of you even if it was a few nights out on the town. You'll be a better match with someone who has experienced something similar to you and has gotten over his partying ways and understand it's place in one's past!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
If you think it's because of your old pictures and you're a different person than what you're used to, by all means, alter your profile pictures. Put on more recent ones that are more to your current lifestyle.As for the guy, it depends as well, if you're not proactive (basically counting on him contacting you all the time), you should've been a little bit more proactive (but not flooding him with texts and calls esp. in the middle of the night). Long-distance is tougher, regardless if it's a marriage-purpose 'dating.' Men and women change their minds all the time, he may have thought that it's not convenient for him since it's too far away to have any meaningful relationship within time, that is. Not saying that it's not worked out for other couples before, by the way. It's just everyone is different.I'd suggest to aim for people local (in the same site if you still are using it). Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
If you think it's because of your old pictures and you're a different person than what you're used to, by all means, alter your profile pictures. Put on more recent ones that are more to your current lifestyle. As for the guy, it depends as well, if you're not proactive (basically counting on him contacting you all the time), you should've been a little bit more proactive (but not flooding him with texts and calls esp. in the middle of the night). Long-distance is tougher, regardless if it's a marriage-purpose 'dating.' Men and women change their minds all the time, he may have thought that it's not convenient for him since it's too far away to have any meaningful relationship within time, that is. Not saying that it's not worked out for other couples before, by the way. It's just everyone is different. I'd suggest to aim for people local (in the same site if you still are using it). Good luck.
Veka Veka 6 years
I would suggest updating your facebook to reflect more recent pictures. Maybe consider taking down the old ones too. I wouldn't take them down because I don't care what people think of me, but if you're worried about it, then do it. But deleting them now isn't going to change anything since he's already seen them. If your pictures were that big of a turn-off for him, then he wasn't the right guy for you anyway.
zoorph zoorph 6 years
Don't project! Just ask him what's up. Maybe he's having a busy/stressful time at work; maybe the novelty of daily conversations has worn off or maybe he's had a really boring week and has nothing to say. But the only way to find out is to ask.It's likely not your FB page. If you're in your mid- to late-20s, it's not unusual to spend your time drinking with friends, etc. We evolve as we age and Americans typically spend a lot of time in this segment of their lives figuring out who they are and whether they like the effects of drinking, partying, etc. before settling down. If he is judgmental about the pictures and it comes out in your conversation, listen carefully to what he says. He'll let you know whether he's too judgmental about your past simply by his reaction and what he says. But DON'T JUMP THE GUN! Just talk to him and see where it goes.
zoorph zoorph 6 years
Don't project! Just ask him what's up. Maybe he's having a busy/stressful time at work; maybe the novelty of daily conversations has worn off or maybe he's had a really boring week and has nothing to say. But the only way to find out is to ask. It's likely not your FB page. If you're in your mid- to late-20s, it's not unusual to spend your time drinking with friends, etc. We evolve as we age and Americans typically spend a lot of time in this segment of their lives figuring out who they are and whether they like the effects of drinking, partying, etc. before settling down. If he is judgmental about the pictures and it comes out in your conversation, listen carefully to what he says. He'll let you know whether he's too judgmental about your past simply by his reaction and what he says. But DON'T JUMP THE GUN! Just talk to him and see where it goes.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 6 years
I say screw it! You guys barely know each other and he's not the only dude you should focus on. All i get is pangs of you wanting to change yourself for someone or something personal to you for someone or something else. You guys are barely even friends.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
Levette, just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean that she can't read and understand basic points of a situation. :oy:I "get that she already thinks this guy is worth getting to know better." And I also "understand that she actually wants to move in the direction of a relationship," so I guess she should consider my original advice that if he can't deal with her past experiences, she should let him go.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
Levette, just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean that she can't read and understand basic points of a situation. :oy: I "get that she already thinks this guy is worth getting to know better." And I also "understand that she actually wants to move in the direction of a relationship," so I guess she should consider my original advice that if he can't deal with her past experiences, she should let him go.
levettemcd levettemcd 6 years
Anyone suggesting she let him go based on the limited information shared here doesn't get that she already thinks this guy is worth getting to know better. That said, she ended with HE hasn't called or sent a text... Has SHE reached out to him? She can be passive and wait it out or she can be proactive and contact him. But going with the flow of the comments here: I think numbers 1 and 6 make the best points. Until she talks to him, and he confirms her assumptions she won't know that he has the wrong impression. Also, it sounds like she really want things to move forward. There are a lot of comments posted here; I suggest that she only considering the advice of those who understand that she actually wants to move in the direction of a relationship. But she has to talk to him (not us or even her friends) in order to do that.
levettemcd levettemcd 6 years
Anyone suggesting she let him go based on the limited information shared here doesn't get that she already thinks this guy is worth getting to know better. That said, she ended with HE hasn't called or sent a text... Has SHE reached out to him? She can be passive and wait it out or she can be proactive and contact him. But going with the flow of the comments here: I think numbers 1 and 6 make the best points. Until she talks to him, and he confirms her assumptions she won't know that he has the wrong impression. Also, it sounds like she really want things to move forward. There are a lot of comments posted here; I suggest that she only considering the advice of those who understand that she actually wants to move in the direction of a relationship. But she has to talk to him (not us or even her friends) in order to do that.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
I agree with Lolita89, too. I think you have some personal responsibility in this. Advertising your party girl past was a bad idea because it may give the wrong impression of the (present) you.Yes, he may have gotten the wrong impression, but it's not his fault. Look at the data you gave him.When it comes to your past, practice some discretion. Have a filter. This practice is a virtue, not a vice.Incidentally, if my husband knew of my wild past, he would have ran from me. However, I kept past, private events to myself (which were no longer part of my life). My husband (then interested guy) gave us a chance, and we ended up happily married.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
I agree with Lolita89, too. I think you have some personal responsibility in this. Advertising your party girl past was a bad idea because it may give the wrong impression of the (present) you. Yes, he may have gotten the wrong impression, but it's not his fault. Look at the data you gave him. When it comes to your past, practice some discretion. Have a filter. This practice is a virtue, not a vice. Incidentally, if my husband knew of my wild past, he would have ran from me. However, I kept past, private events to myself (which were no longer part of my life). My husband (then interested guy) gave us a chance, and we ended up happily married.
kulikuli kulikuli 6 years
I agree with Lolita, he doesn't know it's your past if that's what you have posted all over your facebook page like your profile. How's he supposed to know your not that girl anymore? And lets not forget you guys met online and didn't know each other really well at the time, it's not like he's been your boyfriend for a year and saw photos of your past and got mad, no, you're getting to know him and you showed him these pictures. That's his impression of you now unfortunately. If you don't wanna be viewed that way anymore then take the pics down, if you're proud of the fun you had and that brought to to where you are now, then leave them up and find a man who'll appreciate you for you.
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 6 years
I second most of the above comments. Your past made you who you are, never be ashamed of that. If his problem really is your facebook page and what it reveals of your past, then he's not the man for you. The man for you is somebody who is willing to accept your past and realizes it makes you who you are today. He doesn't have to like it, but he does have to accept it.My husband's past was tons of hard core drugs and partying, to the point that it affected his college experience and he had kidney surgery by the time he was 23 from all the drugs. Had I met him back then, I would not be with him. Having met him after the surgery, he is the perfect man for me because his outlook on life is so much different than most men his age due to him almost dying of kidney failure. I don't like his past drug problems but I recognize that he would not be the man I love today had he not lived through that.Speak to this guy frankly and if he truly has a problem with your past, move on. Somebody is out there who will love you regardless of you having been a bit of a party girl. The majority of people were into partying when they were young (teens/20s), nothing to be ashamed about.
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 6 years
I second most of the above comments. Your past made you who you are, never be ashamed of that. If his problem really is your facebook page and what it reveals of your past, then he's not the man for you. The man for you is somebody who is willing to accept your past and realizes it makes you who you are today. He doesn't have to like it, but he does have to accept it. My husband's past was tons of hard core drugs and partying, to the point that it affected his college experience and he had kidney surgery by the time he was 23 from all the drugs. Had I met him back then, I would not be with him. Having met him after the surgery, he is the perfect man for me because his outlook on life is so much different than most men his age due to him almost dying of kidney failure. I don't like his past drug problems but I recognize that he would not be the man I love today had he not lived through that. Speak to this guy frankly and if he truly has a problem with your past, move on. Somebody is out there who will love you regardless of you having been a bit of a party girl. The majority of people were into partying when they were young (teens/20s), nothing to be ashamed about.
ticklezmepink ticklezmepink 6 years
ask him straight up. it may just be some family issues or stress. and tell him honestly how you feel if you believe that this relationship is going to go somewhere and worth the risk... good luck girl!i definitely know how you feel! I am super self-conscious about my FB too, and when my all time crush added me, i try to delete and make private all of my "embarrassing" pictures. but now it's like i shouldn't have because it's apart of who I am... and a guy should never judge you on what you've did in the past, yunno? esp. if you are no longer that same girl!
ticklezmepink ticklezmepink 6 years
ask him straight up. it may just be some family issues or stress. and tell him honestly how you feel if you believe that this relationship is going to go somewhere and worth the risk... good luck girl! i definitely know how you feel! I am super self-conscious about my FB too, and when my all time crush added me, i try to delete and make private all of my "embarrassing" pictures. but now it's like i shouldn't have because it's apart of who I am... and a guy should never judge you on what you've did in the past, yunno? esp. if you are no longer that same girl!
ckeller825 ckeller825 6 years
He sounds too judgmental. He should have gotten to know you, or at least expressed his concern if he had a problem with your pictures? Talk to him about it, but if he's still acting distant, I think it's time to move on.
Sweetytart Sweetytart 6 years
I am always an advocate of talking things out. No matter what. I'd ask him whats going on. Getting the truth out in the open will help you to move on if you need to.
missyd missyd 6 years
mamasitamali said exactly what I think, too. Homeboy sounds like he needs a good reality check and has some growing up to do, if that is indeed the case (he is put out by your past-revealing facebook profile)
missyd missyd 6 years
mamasitamali said exactly what I think, too.Homeboy sounds like he needs a good reality check and has some growing up to do, if that is indeed the case (he is put out by your past-revealing facebook profile)
Latest Love
X