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Awkward! I Invited a Stranger to Visit

We love sharing awkward situations around here so you can all weigh in with some advice! Join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.

Today, I want to share an uncomfortable situation my friend finds herself in:

When visiting my boyfriend's hometown, we went to his friend's party. I got to talking to another guest and he confided in me that his wife had just left him for another man. He had been with his wife since he was 18, so I started telling him that he should enjoy the things he couldn't do while he was in a relationship. He said he felt like traveling, and I said: "Oh! You should totally visit San Francisco, where I live." Fueled by a couple glasses of wine, I went on and on about how nice it is in my city, hoping to convince him that a little travel would do him well. I didn't really think I was inviting him to stay with my boyfriend and me. Well the next day he sent me a long message on Facebook asking when would be a good time for him to come stay with us in SF! He's not really a friend of my boyfriend, although they have a mutual friend, and I only met him at that one party! I have no idea if I should just be friendly and let him stay, or tell him that I'm really busy for the next few months.

What would you do?

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Join The Conversation
ali321 ali321 6 years
Ask your boyfriend. If the guys close with his friend maybe he'll want to get to know him. Personally, though, I've always been annoyed with people who think that it's your job to accommodate them just because they're in town and know you. (House guests you like are another story.) This might sound rude, but you could flat out tell him that you didn't intend for him to stay with you. You just thought he might enjoy the city and you're not prepared for house guests. Then you know, recommend a hotel. He sounds kind of needy and lonely because of his wife. That's sad, but you probably don't want to take all of that on.
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
lol, the amount of people encouraging the poster to let a complete stranger that assumed he could come stay is pretty amusing. Automatically assuming, immediately if possible, that you are invited to come stay with a stranger after they spend time plugging a very large and diverse CITY as a travel point is very strange. It's not normal and it's not the kind of behavior you want to invite into your home. What other things will they assume? What other things have they already started planning on your behalf. No thanks. He's a stranger with no close ties to either of you. Write back, polite and enthusiatically about travel to the city, but in no uncertain terms let them know staying with you is NOT an option. I agree with mama and running, offer a list of good motels and nice places to visit and that you guys can meet up and do things and leave it at that. You aren't obligated, exercise your rights to let them know it.
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
lol, the amount of people encouraging the poster to let a complete stranger that assumed he could come stay is pretty amusing. Automatically assuming, immediately if possible, that you are invited to come stay with a stranger after they spend time plugging a very large and diverse CITY as a travel point is very strange. It's not normal and it's not the kind of behavior you want to invite into your home. What other things will they assume? What other things have they already started planning on your behalf. No thanks. He's a stranger with no close ties to either of you. Write back, polite and enthusiatically about travel to the city, but in no uncertain terms let them know staying with you is NOT an option. I agree with mama and running, offer a list of good motels and nice places to visit and that you guys can meet up and do things and leave it at that. You aren't obligated, exercise your rights to let them know it.
Meike Meike 6 years
No need to be overly polite to a stranger who isn't even a friend and whom you've only met after one party. I'd definitely take up on Mamasita's suggestion and recommend some nice hotels in your area.
Choco-cat Choco-cat 6 years
let him stay. it could be cool getting to know someone new.
sidra5397 sidra5397 6 years
I agree with mamasita too. You never know about letting a stranger atay at your house because that's what he is, a stranger. All you have to go on the guy is what you've learned over a couple of hours at a party and slightly drunk to top it off.
runningesq runningesq 6 years
to piggyback on mamasita's comment: "and I would be happy to give you a list of hotels/ motels in the area"
nicklover nicklover 6 years
what mamasitas is what i would have said.
vmruby vmruby 6 years
It reeks of weirdness and I would never allow any stranger/friend of a friend who's giving me some sob story to stay in my home no matter what. I say take mamasitas advice. It's dead on.....
vmruby vmruby 6 years
It reeks of weirdness and I would never allow any stranger/friend of a friend who's giving me some sob story to stay in my home no matter what.I say take mamasitas advice. It's dead on.....
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
i think it is a bit of a stretch for the guy to think he could stay with you, but (if i were the guy) i would think that you would want to at least hang out if i were in the area.i do not think he's a weirdo though!
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
i think it is a bit of a stretch for the guy to think he could stay with you, but (if i were the guy) i would think that you would want to at least hang out if i were in the area. i do not think he's a weirdo though!
Zivanod Zivanod 6 years
Is this you tressugar? LOLYou could just apologize and tell him you were drunk and didn't mean for him to stay with you.Or, if you check around and he seems alright, let him stay for a designated few days. I did it once with a virtual stranger I met online. We had a mutual interest in Broadway (RENT specifically as it was in my RENThead days)and I wanted to see the original castmembers in London. We get along well and I had a great time. Plus I got to stay somewhere for free.
Zivanod Zivanod 6 years
Is this you tressugar? LOL You could just apologize and tell him you were drunk and didn't mean for him to stay with you. Or, if you check around and he seems alright, let him stay for a designated few days. I did it once with a virtual stranger I met online. We had a mutual interest in Broadway (RENT specifically as it was in my RENThead days)and I wanted to see the original castmembers in London. We get along well and I had a great time. Plus I got to stay somewhere for free.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
Good save, mamasita.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
Good save, mamasita.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
mamasita, good advice my gut reaction is that the guy is a weirdo - any guy who assumes you've invited him during a drunken party and then follows up with a perfect stranger via facebook is not someone you want in your house. i'm sure he's harmless but he sounds like he doesn't abide by normal social norms and/or doesn't have boundaries take mamasita's advice...don't let him stay, just let him down easy. suggest a hotel.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
mamasita, good advicemy gut reaction is that the guy is a weirdo - any guy who assumes you've invited him during a drunken party and then follows up with a perfect stranger via facebook is not someone you want in your house. i'm sure he's harmless but he sounds like he doesn't abide by normal social norms and/or doesn't have boundariestake mamasita's advice...don't let him stay, just let him down easy. suggest a hotel.
Chouette4u Chouette4u 6 years
You don't know this guy, and I don't think you have ANY obligation to let him stay with you. There's a ton of excuses I am sure you can come up with.
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 6 years
tell him you don't have the space to accommodate a visitor, but if he is in the area you and your boyfriend would love to meet up with him
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