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Awkwardness After a Threesome

The Trouble With Three

This post comes from Sex 101 in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to weigh in below!

Okay, so I'm a 19-year-old semi-virgin (it's complicated), on very good terms with a couple my age. I was originally friends with the guy, but when I met his girlfriend we became quite close too. We frequently joke about sex/have seen each other naked, etc, and have mentioned the possibility of a threesome in the past.

Well, last week, after a couple of drinks, we went back to the guy's dorm room and did it.

Get the details after the jump!

There was no actual intercourse between me and the guy (although there was some oral, the first time for me), at the girlfriend's request, which was totally understandable, as well as some interaction between myself and the girl. It was predominantly the guy and the girl, though — which didn't bother me as they are the actual couple. We agreed that it had been a fun evening and went our separate ways.

Now things are fine with the guy (no burning passion or awkwardness — just the same friendship we always had), but the girl and I are having some tension. The guy has evidently had trouble "performing" since then, so she blames me for the whole incident (despite the fact that it was her idea and she specifically wanted to include me), and has decided that he needs to sleep at her place every night (she goes to university about an hour away), I suspect to keep him away from me. I have absolutely no designs on him. I have also heard that she has been insulting me behind my back.

I don't want to lose either of them as a friend — especially the guy who is one of my best friends — and am afraid that her strange behavior will ruin things. We can't take back what happened — is there any way to change the outcome?

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Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
This is a typical response to a 3-some.... they are harder than you think to pull off.... Planning is essential... unless you're in Costa Rica in the jungle and there is a clearing where 3 paths meet... you find yourself appearing in the clearing at the same time with 2 other people - 1 male - 1 female... now you can have a guilt free 3-some... provided you all leave the clearing using separate paths and never see one another again... keep in mind.... this only works in Costa Rica.... Just my 2 cents....
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
This is a typical response to a 3-some.... they are harder than you think to pull off....Planning is essential... unless you're in Costa Rica in the jungle and there is a clearing where 3 paths meet... you find yourself appearing in the clearing at the same time with 2 other people - 1 male - 1 female... now you can have a guilt free 3-some... provided you all leave the clearing using separate paths and never see one another again... keep in mind.... this only works in Costa Rica....Just my 2 cents....
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Wow... when I was of that age, I had friendships ruined/ended over things like video games and baseball. I was never had a friendship ruined by a threesome - that would have been totally f'n awesome. You're only 19. Go out and get a boyfriend and worry about your own love life, not someone else's!
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Wow... when I was of that age, I had friendships ruined/ended over things like video games and baseball. I was never had a friendship ruined by a threesome - that would have been totally f'n awesome.You're only 19. Go out and get a boyfriend and worry about your own love life, not someone else's!
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
Unfortunately, a lot of girls think they can handle a threesome, but then they get very jealous and resentful afterward. You should have kept that in mind beforehand, but what's done is done. As others have said, you should talk to both of them and see what happens. Maybe the girl will come around.
jocupcake jocupcake 5 years
Agree with tlsgirl. You should talk to the girlfriend and explain that you are sorry about any awkwardness and will stay away from both of them if necessary. You may be right that "it was the girl's idea" but this is exactly why threesomes with couples are a terrible terrible idea. No matter how cool a couple might be with it going in, someone usually ends up hurt. Though this is not your fault, I really recommend that you take the high road and give this couple whatever space they need to work this out.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 5 years
That's why threesomes are always best with a stranger. That said, talk to her, not him, and back off for a while if you need to until she feels comfortable again.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
All that because the guy has trouble performing? That's very odd. How could that have something to do with the threesome? I'd understand if he had had trouble then, but afterwards? Maybe he saw something he didn't like? Was he intimidated by you or something? Some guys are indeed afraid that their girl will run off with another girl.I think the two of them need to talk, and he needs to tell her that everything's still the way it was before. If anything, he owes you that to make you feel better, since you're his friend.I'm sorry things are weird, and I hope everything will turn out okay. Everyone will probably calm down. Just uh, don't do it again.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
All that because the guy has trouble performing? That's very odd. How could that have something to do with the threesome? I'd understand if he had had trouble then, but afterwards? Maybe he saw something he didn't like? Was he intimidated by you or something? Some guys are indeed afraid that their girl will run off with another girl. I think the two of them need to talk, and he needs to tell her that everything's still the way it was before. If anything, he owes you that to make you feel better, since you're his friend. I'm sorry things are weird, and I hope everything will turn out okay. Everyone will probably calm down. Just uh, don't do it again.
Studio16 Studio16 5 years
1. I think you should talk to the boy first. I know that sounds like it'll stir up a bunch of drama, but you need to sit down with him and say, "Your girlfriend tells me that ever since what happened with the three of us, you're neglecting her needs. I don't know the whole story behind that, and frankly, I don't care to know, but I think you need to know that what happened was mindless sex. It felt good, that was it. There isn't anything between us, there never will be anything between us, and I want you and your girlfriend to know that." 2. You need to go see his girlfriend. Not call her. Not Facebook message her. You need to go see her in person and say, "I don't have any feelings for your boyfriend. I participated that night because of how it felt physically, not because of how it felt emotionally. We were tipsy. I don't want to 'steal your man', but I certainly don't want to lose you as a friend. I hope we can work this out." And then, if she agrees, and she's willing to rebuild the friendship, you need to let it go. In the words of Don Draper, "It never happened. It will scare you how much this never happened."
Studio16 Studio16 5 years
1. I think you should talk to the boy first. I know that sounds like it'll stir up a bunch of drama, but you need to sit down with him and say, "Your girlfriend tells me that ever since what happened with the three of us, you're neglecting her needs. I don't know the whole story behind that, and frankly, I don't care to know, but I think you need to know that what happened was mindless sex. It felt good, that was it. There isn't anything between us, there never will be anything between us, and I want you and your girlfriend to know that."2. You need to go see his girlfriend. Not call her. Not Facebook message her. You need to go see her in person and say, "I don't have any feelings for your boyfriend. I participated that night because of how it felt physically, not because of how it felt emotionally. We were tipsy. I don't want to 'steal your man', but I certainly don't want to lose you as a friend. I hope we can work this out."And then, if she agrees, and she's willing to rebuild the friendship, you need to let it go. In the words of Don Draper, "It never happened. It will scare you how much this never happened."
glitterandgold glitterandgold 5 years
Wow that's pretty cool... but if you seriously feel that way I say you go with your gut and just stay out of their relationship. It will only make things worse if you try to talk to the guy. The girl will get mad and drama will ensue. I think the only way to go is to befriend the girl again and talk to her about it. Tell her you have no feelings for her BF but you understand if she wants you to stay away from him, you will. But say you want to be her friend. Once you can break that barrier with her again and rekindle the friendship after this awkward incident, maybe she will let you into her BF's life again. Just a suggestion. If not - just let them both go... you can always make new friends, you are still young!
RachaelMC RachaelMC 5 years
Okay, virgin I guess, haha. I've participated in what I mentioned above, plus some, er, near incidents. I've also used a strap-on on a girl, but never been on the other end with a girl or guy...I think we will discuss this. It's hard to say what will happen from here.
RachaelMC RachaelMC 5 years
Okay, virgin I guess, haha. I've participated in what I mentioned above, plus some, er, near incidents. I've also used a strap-on on a girl, but never been on the other end with a girl or guy... I think we will discuss this. It's hard to say what will happen from here.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I've never met a semi virgin before, what's one of those? There is a huge mix of emotions going on here. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you are trying to run before you have learned to walk too. I have had a fair number of lovers and yet to be in a three situation, maybe I never will.I thin you all need to sit down and discuss this. Maybe then you can clear the guilt (I think it's there with the couple) and other feelings. Then perhaps you can continue with the friendship.Good luck!
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I've never met a semi virgin before, what's one of those? There is a huge mix of emotions going on here. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you are trying to run before you have learned to walk too. I have had a fair number of lovers and yet to be in a three situation, maybe I never will. I thin you all need to sit down and discuss this. Maybe then you can clear the guilt (I think it's there with the couple) and other feelings. Then perhaps you can continue with the friendship. Good luck!
NotMeAnymore NotMeAnymore 5 years
Have you tried talking with her about it? Share your suspicions as to the reason behind her behavior, and that you've heard she's spreading rumors (don't accuse). Make it plain you're not interested in her BF. Some women are way too territorial; perhaps a frank talk will help.
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