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And a Baby Makes Three

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and he is absolutely the most wonderful person I have ever been with. I can not begin to describe how much he means to me. Unfortunately there is a but though; he has a four year old child that I just can't seem to welcome into my life.

I thought that I would be able to warm up to him in due time, but it just isn't happening. What bothers me the most is not the child, but the fact that my boyfriend and I can never have a typical life together. If we were to get married, I would have to deal with his "baby's momma" for the rest of my life.

Something else that is weighing heavily on my shoulders is that I became pregnant last year and we decided as a couple, that the timing wasn't right, so I had an abortion. It just doesn't seem right for my boyfriend to ask me to love his child when he wasn't willing to have a child with me. I feel like I am stuck in a terrible situation. Do you have any advice for me? Frustrated Fredel

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Frustrated Fredel
It sounds like you are still harboring some unresolved issues from your pregnancy. Did you feel like your boyfriend pressured you into making a decision you weren't comfortable with? Have you been able to talk to anyone since your abortion? I suggest confiding in a friend, a family member, or a therapist, as having an abortion can be very life changing.

If you love your boyfriend, unfortunately, you are going to have to learn to accept the fact that he has a child and an ex. Although having a step child isn't your ideal situation, we can't help who we fall in love with or his past relationships.

Is ending this relationship over the ex factor worth losing the man you love? Many couples deal with the same situation, but with time, they learn how to make it work. I think ultimately you need to ask yourself if this relationship will make you happy in the long run. Good luck.

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