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Bad Friend, Even Worse Bridesmaid

Dear Sugar
I was recently married and have spent the last few weeks putting away my wedding gifts and writing thank you notes. During this process, I have realized who came to our wedding and who has not given us a gift (rude, but expected of certain guests). One of those people happens to be one of my bridesmaids. Please keep in mind that I paid for all the bridesmaid dresses, their manicures/pedicures, hotel rooms, hairstyling for the day, and a bridesmaid gift!

The only thing my bridesmaids had to pay for were their shoes. All the girls reimbursed me months ago, but the bridesmaid that didn't bring a gift has yet to pay me, even though I have asked her nicely several times. To make matters worse, this same girl held up the dress order because she waited until the last minute to get measured, never thanked me for a fabulous birthday party I threw for her, and was the last to arrive to the wedding sight the day of my wedding.

Clearly I need a break from this friend, but how do I get my money back that she owes me for the bridesmaid shoes? I feel she needs to know how terrible she has been acting but I don't want to stoop to her level. Do you have advice? Irritated Izzie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Irritated Izzie
You have every right to be irritated at this girl. She sounds incredibly selfish and unsupportive. Technically, you have up to one year to give a wedding gift so you might have to hang tight for a while. Many people have concerns about late wedding gifts; a topic which no one is comfortable talking about. Be glad your bridesmaid isn't your co-worker!

Getting your money back is another issue. Chasing your bridesmaids down and asking them for money is the last thing you should have been worrying about right before your wedding. How annoying. At this point, I would just assume she has no intention of reimbursing you. Take the high road here and chalk it up to bad manners.

If you want to get your feelings off your chest, try writing her a letter or an e-mail. Let her know that she means a lot to you and that's why you asked her to stand up for you on your wedding day. Express your disappointment in her behavior. Tell her how you didn't feel that she was a very caring bridesmaid and that you felt her actions were incredibly selfish.

You never know how your friend was feeling during your happy moment. Could she have been jealous? Could she be acting this way because you were getting all of the attention? Could she be sending the message to you that she doesn't want to be close friends with you any longer?

See how she reacts to your letter. If she's remorseful, then hear her out and give her the benefit of the doubt. If not, re-evaluate your friendship. When is the next time that you are going to want to reach out to such a self-centered person? Maybe distance is exactly what you need from her to gain perspective on the state of your friendship.

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