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Bad Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Says I'm Not Pretty

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

About a year ago I got plastic surgery because I was really unhappy with the way my nose looked. A lot of this unhappiness came when my boyfriend told me that he was embarrassed to introduce me to his friends because of the way my nose looked. That really burned! . . . I was really heartbroken, and I got rhinoplasty.

Since I got plastic surgery, I felt like a new woman. I was confident, and I thought I looked great. Last night my boyfriend mentioned that he thinks I need to get a second opinion and perhaps a second operation. He also told me he doesn't think I'm pretty.

I'm seriously crushed right now . . . I don't know what to do. I feel terrible!! I can't stop comparing myself to other women in his life and wondering what he thinks of them. I don't want to be looked at touched or talked to. I really, really, REALLY love him, and I was so happy with him until last night.

It seems like such a small thing to break up with someone over (so he doesn't think I'm pretty big deal right?) but it still hurts, and I have no idea how to get over it.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
charlene0407 charlene0407 3 years
i think if your boyfriend really loves you, no matter how ugly you are, he will still tell you that you are the most beautiful person for him.
Mikej413 Mikej413 3 years
I think women, especially younger attractive women but women in general need to get over their fascination and superficial attraction towards jerks and a-holes. I understand why women fall for these kinds of guys(to a point)but to have an ongoing relationship with him especially after things like this just baffle me. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Maybe having the nose job wasn't such a bad idea in some ways especially if it gave you confidence but in this case I think your boyfriend(and I hope by now he no longer is)just wants to control you and make you go through hoops just for his own immature satisfaction(ie that's how he gets his kicks). He's obviously a very insecure and immature guy and needs to get over himself. I hope you tell him he needs to have penis enlargement surgery and that his dick is so tiny you need a microscope to see it(regardless of how big it really is). ;)
Michael2433618 Michael2433618 3 years
Hi, Your boyfriend is an asshole. He's probably one of these guys who's in the closet and is so it conflict with himself that he takes his own self-loathing out on his own lover. There are lots of people like that out here. They come in all forms; musicians, bizznissmin, hacks, and basketbawll stars. But it doesn't matter what you do: if you treat people like shit, then you're an asshole. Listen to Ariel Pink's "Menopause Man" off his album Before Today. It's relevant to what you're going through. your friend, puremedia ("the one")
SigillumDeiAemeth SigillumDeiAemeth 3 years
There is no such thing as love. It is complete BULLSHIT! Don't make yourself sad through such illusions
rheasoo rheasoo 4 years
i think no one is responsible of yourself but you alone. any surgeries or enhancement done on your body should be your choice. Because any complications that may happen after, you will bare all the consequences and not your boyfriend. You could see before and after photos here: http://www.advancecosmetic.com/eng/surgical/rhinoplasty to help you decide.
white-js white-js 4 years
OMG WAT?? U THINK ITZ NO BIG DEAL? HONEY YOU NEED TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF AND THINK VERY HARD AND ASK YOURSELF AGAIN IF ITZ A BIG DEAL OR NOT COS IT REALLY IS..THIS GUY "THINKS" UR NOT PRETTY AND BELIEVES SURGERY WILL SOLVE YOU? THAT IS NOT WHO YOU ARE THO TRUST ME I DONT KOE U BUT I BLIEV YOU NEED TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO ACTUALLY BLIEVS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT BCOS IF THIS GOES ON, U WILL HATE YOURSELF FOR EVER LISTENING TO THAT PUNK
rottenronnie rottenronnie 4 years
gday there i carn,t see you to know if ya are pritty or not . i live out here in oz . i think you should come and live here wif me in whykickamoocow near hellsgate and i prommis ya i won,t poke fun at ya nose because it may be a hot as the sun has burned my nose too .i find that a bit of sink cream hids it so just put some of that on it ,it come in all couloure red green yellow and white . hope that helps you hot chick you cya ox
ann45 ann45 4 years
It's not a thing small when someone you care about tells you that you're not good enough. It may be the truth to him, but it's HIS truth, not yours. Sure, physical looks, to some degree, can be changed, but the choice about your body should be yours to make and not based on someone else's view of what you should look like. Only a select few of people fit into that type of perfection. As long as he makes you feel like you're not worthy of his positive regard based on how you look, it's a dead end road of hurt. I am hoping that you can't want him so badly that you would put up with that kind of emotional abuse. His words and actions will cut at you, make you doubt yourself, and pull you down to his level when you try to live up to those kind of expectations. And if you decide to stay, it won't get better. Everyone gets older. And so will he and his looks will also change. That's life. How far will you go to keep him? And will it ever be enough?
aliahherman aliahherman 4 years
Honey, please if he liked you enough than he wouldnt be such a jerk!!! he should like you for who you are and not what you look like and i bet you much prettier than that jackass says you are!!
passion8 passion8 4 years
look for really good cheap books from AMAZON, this has helped me find better MEN:) some might include 5 LOVE LANGUAGES their is a quiz online and WOMEN WHO LOVE TO MUCH, GOOD LUCK and YOU ARE WORTH BEING TOLD YOUR BEATIFUL, this time around doing something daily to help you reasure yourself that your beautiful, good luck
twinklegirl123 twinklegirl123 4 years
well,i think my boyfiend thinks the same way.he has told me that...my opinion is that you should leave ....
henna-red henna-red 4 years
your post has had more response than any I've seen so far. And everyone recognizes the same and advises the same. Girl, anasthesia is DANGEROUS! It is not something to be undertaken because of a crappy comment by this supposedly supportive guy. THERAPY. Let a professional help you understand how destructive this relationship is for you. Please! PLEASE! Blessings to you
anonymous45 anonymous45 4 years
Does he look like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? You are the probabley the best thing that has happend to to him. If he is not man enough to be with you and say thing like that then drop him. Sounds like he need to grow up. Dont change for anybody but for yourself.
groucho5 groucho5 4 years
How about some harsh reality folks and this has nothing to do with love.Physical attractive is not just subjective.Some people are clearly physically unattractive and they will have trouble attracting a mate.If there is no physical attraction,on the first date or so,nothing can possible;e ever happen,There is no need to continue BUT if someone is,in fact unattractive and they know it,chances are very very very slim they will have trouble attracting someone-especially as they get older. This is not a self-esteem issue.Many people out here in this forum say,well,honey wait until you find someone who does find you attractive.It might not happen for a very very very long time.No one likes to think about that.There is no even beginning a relation ship without that being present on a first date. If Rosie O'Donnell was heterosexual,she would have a hard time getting a date with a good looking man.If Eva Mendes were available,she could have any guy she wanted. I know that.You know that.But sexual rejection for people who really are not all that attractive can be more than just hurtful but devastating.
shelley143 shelley143 4 years
Use his credit card... and bring a friend :-) I will go!
gill1910 gill1910 4 years
This post is quite old but is always actual. I had a similar type of relationship: he used to 'love' me, used to hug me and in the mean time to say "i love u sooooo much, but i wish u were beautiful", "huney, uve got the worst chin man can wish but i still love u", “I wouldn’t wear that with legs like yours” and lots lots more.. and when day after day u hear it from the person u love it hurts at the beginning, then u just simply start believing it.. To hide my "not beautiful" shapes I start wearing buggy clothes, stopped putting make up and simply made my best to become a Mole.. Until He came into my life: a person who changed everything. He was the most liked and wanted guy in among all i ever known. 9 out of 10 women would go first to him to chat that to get closer... And it happened so that i was the only woman he could ever see! I offered him a friendship: is the only thing i could ever give him and he accepted. But the way he did it: was the biggest wake up call for me! U could put Cindy Crawford right in front of him and he would never notice her if i was there. He used to call me his "dream woman" and his eyes were always on me full of love and admiration. And when he saw me crying after another nasty “compliment” of my ex-partner: he just went crazy. He took me to the shop: bought dress, shoes and ear-rings on his own choice. Then took me to the make up artist in the boots at bond street. After the all was done he took me to the huge mirror and said: "look at urself now and simply count how many men will turn back on u when u walk the street". And he was right: I have nothing to be ashamed off! And I still can make thousands of people look back on me out there.. I am not ugly as someone wants me to fill: I am 167 sm tall, 47 kg (slim), naturally tanned, have brown eyes and brown hears. I am not model from the Vogue but also not the one to hide in buggy clothes! And there are many people who would die for body I have! And i am sure: u r beautiful woman aswell! Don’t let this kind of people to brake u and your confidence! This all they say and do is also type of mental abusing leading to the long term stress and psychological disorder. Making us feel miserable and unsure pleases their Ego. Go away: RUN from this kind of "loving and saying the truth" people! No one is allowed to treat u like that! Go to the mirror and have a look how beautiful u are! And finally find the one who can see this beauty!
AngelicallyAngelic AngelicallyAngelic 4 years
I have a similar story to yours Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years.. Two years ago I got surgery to look good for myself and because my boyfriend didn't think i was that pretty. I've had nose job, chin enhancement, buccal fat removal, and forehead reduction surgery. Even after 4 procedures looking better then ever.... my boyfriend still treated me like crap. Which goes to show you people like your boyfriend and my ex are jerks and only care about the feelings of themselves. If you haven't dumped him already please do,,, he doesn't deserve you hun!!
RNR RNR 4 years
HAD to comment on this one! The only bf who said something like this to me - called me unattractive - was an abuser. Other guys have been lovely to me about my looks and wouldn't dream of saying something like that... and neither would I! It's not nice! I urge you to DUMP HIS ASS. He's a loser!
0000d0 0000d0 4 years
My darling, you sound like a really sweet girl. He's an immature asshole who needs to get a life. Yet you need to figure out how to like yourself. You have worth, you have a reason for being, you have massive potential. Wasting it on some guy (who sure, may be nice to you at times) is not only self destructive but it is a waste of your time. Look around you, do something active with your life that makes you feel more worthy. Stop moping about and letting other people define you. Take a stand. For all of us women! :D
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 4 years
I'll make this short and sweet because everyone else pretty much stated what I feel. This is a terrible situation. Your boyfriend is being disrespectful and abusive with his comments toward you. No one deserves to be treated this way. But you know what? We can show others how to treat us by respecting ourselves first. The more you tolerate his crap, the worse it will be. When you decide to stand up for yourself, he will see that you won't allow him to walk all over you. I can tell that you have some insecurities, as many girls do. People will sense that and they will treat you accordingly. I know this from personal experience. I've struggled with low self-esteem my whole life. I've been in a couple of abusive relationships. I grew up in a broken home where I witnessed my stepfather abusing my mother. I was also abused by him. I felt like I was ugly and worthless because of all the things I've been through. My abusive ex-boyfriend taught me a lot. I learned to respect myself and expect better treatment in my future relationships. I learned to set higher standards for myself. Verbal abuse is often the first indication of a problem. It will not improve until YOU decide to do something about it. Walk away while you can. I'm sure you were beautiful before and after your surgery. Your boyfriend should not be telling you that you're not pretty. That is extremely hurtful. If he loved you and cared about you, he wouldn't say things like that. When I was dating my husband, he once made a few insensitive comments about my looks. He told me that compared to other girls I was "nothing special". I still remember that comment 3 years later. It still hurts deeply because my self-esteem has always been very low. And he said it completely out of the blue. We weren't even talking about my physical appearance! But the truth is that he didn't really mean to hurt me. It was just a stupid remark that he said without thinking. Now he is more aware of my feelings and tells me I'm beautiful both inside and out. You need to believe that you are beautiful no matter what anyone says. Don't allow this jerk to determine your self-worth.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 4 years
I sincerely hope this post isn't real because A) It's extreme to get a huge operation that could go wrong for what a guy thinks. It would mean besides the nose insecurity you have insecurities in general and put yourself in a position of being in an abusive relationship. B) Well, you happen to be in an abusive relationship. You might have changed your nose but it will eventually be something else. The guy you're with should praise you not treat you worse than your mortal enemy. What kind of love is that? C) Your boyfriend is a piece of crap and I feel sorry for anyone who dates him. People like him shouldn't exist.
Lenay Lenay 4 years
It's not a small thing to break up over. If he loved you or even cared about your feelings he would think you were pretty no matter what you looked like. The fact that he deliberately hurts your feelings and says cruel things shows that he's just in this relationship for the control that he can exert over you.
juicebox07 juicebox07 4 years
Your boyfriend should be increasing your self confidence, not decreasing it. "It seems like such a small thing to break up with someone over (so he doesn't think I'm pretty big deal right?)" It's not a small thing, and it is a big deal. There are plenty of guys in this world who would find you attractive. Find one of them and quit wasting your time on a douchebag who doesn't approve of your looks.
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