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Birthday Blunder

Dear Sugar
I've just celebrated a birthday that I feel was totally hijacked by my older sister and I am really bummed out about it. She asked me what I wanted to do and since we don't see each other often, I suggested a lunch so we could have some bonding time.

Instead of meeting close to my house, she took me to a place in the suburbs not at all logistically conducive to me and plans I had with my boyfriend for later that evening. When I told him I would have to push back our plans, he was pretty upset and didn't seem all that eager to spend the night with me after I had to cancel my plans since we both had to wake up early for work the next day.

We ended up getting in a fight over the phone and not seeing each other at all. I am a very big birthday person and felt my big day wasn't complete without spending it with my boyfriend. Although I was the one that had to cancel our plans, I am still upset that he wasn't flexible enough to just go with the flow.

Should I have broken my plans with my sister so I didn't hurt my boyfriends feelings? Do I have a right to be upset with my boyfriend for not spending the night with me on my birthday? Disappointed Deb

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Disappointed Deb
Having your plans go awry is always a bummer, especially on your birthday. Don't you sometimes wish you could be in two places at once? Choosing a restaurant in the suburbs was a little selfish of your sister, but at least you were able to spend time together.

Birthdays come around only once a year and you are entitled to spend the day however you please so let your boyfriend know that you are disappointed. Does he know how much your birthday means to you? Something tells me there is another reason that he got so bent out of shape over the change of plans. Could he have had a big surprise planned for you?

Either way, he should have been a little more understanding and flexible on your big day so I understand why you are upset. Let your boyfriend know he hurt your feelings by not making more of an effort to be together and although your plans got off track, it would have been nice just to spend the night together.

Hopefully, he will apologize and let you know that he understands why you are so let down so that you can put your birthday blunder behind you. Let's just hope he makes up for it next year. I am sorry that you were let down this year. Happy Birthday.

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Jinx Jinx 9 years
Sounds like you should have told your sister that you had plans with your boyfriend already, and her plans didn't fit. Maybe she could have altered hers, like picking a closer restaurant. ------------------------------------------------------ Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. — Albert Einstein
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Right on Valeri!
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
well if people thought the last post was bitchy; hang on. you had a bad birthday, boo-hoo. what are you 7? put on your big girl panties and move on. birthdays are not days when the world changes it's plans for you(as you have just learned) they are just days on the calender. the same calendar that everyone uses to keep their life on track for work, family, traffic, etc. you don't just get to DECIDE that once a year you get this day because you're a "big birthday person". if you get the day to go your way, great. but if it just goes like a typical day so what? are you going to bum out even more days complaining about it? move on. 2007?
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I am sure everyone is going to think I am being a but bitchy but as usual I don't care. I don't think you have a right to be upset with your boyfriend. Your the one that essentially double booked yourself if doesn't matter who it was with. I am not sure why you let your sister pick the place since it was your big day. I love my celebrating my birthday and pretty much turn the entire week if my birthday into a celebration.
Lindsb Lindsb 9 years
Happy Birthday! I would have suggested the place to eat with your was your birthday! Or at least when she suggested the place in the suburbs.. explained that you had other plans that night and compromised. I wouldn't have cancelled.
3Sweeties 3Sweeties 9 years
It kind of sounds like he might have had something special planned. How nice it is that both of them really wanted to be with you on your birthday? It sounds like they both really love you, but that the day sure didn't go as it should have.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
i understand that it was kind of a bummer to go out to the suburbs to eat, i'm a city kitty too and i have no car so suburban planning makes life really difficult. but if she helped you get around then it doesn't sound like that big of a deal. it sounds like your boyfriend overreacted though (unless he had BIG plans), he'll get over it, and life will go on.
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