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Birthday Woes

Dear Sugar
I am in a three year relationship with a man who has never given me a birthday gift! He is an engineer type and he is very fixed. He says he doesn't know what to get me that he thinks this answer justifies no gifts at all.

This year, I worked up the courage to tell him I wanted a pair of earrings, but he ended up getting me nothing. I felt incredibly let down; his response to me telling him what I wanted was positive, so I was looking forward to receiving a gift from him. He says he is waiting for a CD account to mature and planned to buy me something then.

I feel awful, devastated hurt. A token gift in the interim would have sufficed. I can't stop dwelling on this, and lately can't even talk to him. I am deeply in love with him, and told him that I am looking for validation from him regarding his feelings for me.

Now I feel like I want nothing from him. I don't think I can enjoy a gift from him knowing that it's coming based on his fear that I will break up with him if he doesn't show up with a gift for me at some point soon. What should I do? Neglected Naomi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Neglected Naomi
Yuck, that is hurtful. Don't guys know that even flowers, and a card count as something special? I totally understand... you just want something from him that shows that he is thinking of you.

I am with you on this one 100%. Sorry guys, believe me, us gals know deep down that material things shouldn't matter and they aren't what's important. But... on our birthdays just go that extra mile to show that you really care.

We would never want you to break the bank to get us something ... honestly, it is the thought that counts. So if we are willing to give up awesome earrings that we've had our eye on, a purse or a cashmere sweater etc.. because you can't afford it - then at the very least, you better have a damn nice card and a box of our favorite candy to show us how special we are.

Naomi, don't threaten him, just be clear that you are disappointed and let down and then be patient. Actions speak louder than words. If he's promised you the world and never comes through, your problems are bigger than a birthday present. Beware of guys you call "fixed."

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