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Boyfriend Being Mean

"I Don't Want to Give Up on My Crumbling Relationship"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


OK, I really need to vent. There are so many things I wish I could tell my boyfriend but I'm so scared that I'll lose him. All of a sudden he's this totally new person. The guy I fell in love with was sweet, kind, caring, he was just the best. Now he treats me like crap. I won't give up on this relationship because I know he's the one, but it gets so hard.

He went from a totally amazing boyfriend to a stranger. He never picks up my phone calls and this is a long distance relationship so he should be calling me daily. It made me cry for days to know that he can go weeks without hearing my voice and just acknowledging me. He never gave me a present like ever. I hate to say it, but I'm not sure if I'm happy in this relationship. The only thing I'm holding on to is that my feelings haven't changed nor will they ever change.

Almost all my friends have been getting in the way too. They are all telling me he's this and that and I could care less about what they feel, but sometimes their voices get to me. None of my friends support this relationship because they say that my boyfriend's treating me like crap and that I deserve better. But I know my boyfriend and it's his first relationship so he has no idea what he's doing.

Sometimes I want to slap him and tell him that I'm in so much pain, but he's so clueless and immature that not even that will make him see how much I'm hurting. Our first date was amazing, but on the second date it's like he's a totally new person. He didn't even talk to me when we were eating. He didn't give me any hugs and he only told me that he loved me at the very end of the date right before I got out of the car like it meant nothing to him. The annoying thing is that he's so immature. I really hope I'm not being demanding, but I just want to know that he cares about this relationship. That's all I want.

He doesn't understand that a relationship is something that you're suppose to work at. I need to figure us out now. I'm so confused as to why he changed all of a sudden and never talks to me. I'm hurting so much inside and I have no idea how to tell him all of this without it being too much. Does someone have a solution, because I obviously don't.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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nicole121482 nicole121482 3 years
Sweetheart, you seem really young and this relationship seems to be in very early stages...if one date he is nice and the next not and then he doesn't answer your calls or call you, there is a line for that, shoot, there is a whole movie for that.  It's called "He's just not that into you"  Cut your emotional ties and move one.  Remember your friends have been there for you before and will be there for the next guy, I know it's hard but don't always discredit a friend's thoughts and advice...
kerao kerao 3 years
I hate to say this but I have to, you're childish. You've only had 2 dates with this young man and you're assuming he's totally in love with you? I also wonder when pray tell he asked you to be his girlfriend. You my dear are having unrealistic beliefs that you need to snap out of. If he's not returning your calls or getting back with you it's because he doesn't want to be with you. Please don't be that desperate girl that waits around for the phone call or texts obsessively. It will get you nowhere fast. Understand your self worth first before you try to know what is in his mind because you don't.
matoad matoad 3 years
Sadly-luckily, a relationship is made up of two people's feelings/circumstances/maturity levels etc. Which means that your unchanged feelings that he is the one do not make for a relationship without him feeling and acting the same way. Accepting that you can't make this happen without him is a form of maturity too.
amvck amvck 3 years
First of all, I don't think a woman should ever be afraid of telling her boyfriend or husband how she feels because she might lose him if she does. You should be with someone who wants to know how you feel and who will try as hard as he can to understand where you're coming from. Do you really want to be with someone who you have to tiptoe around? It sounds like you want to be with this guy despite the fact that he ignores you, treats you terribly and doesn't really seem to care about you or how you feel. Think about a marriage with this guy, is that what you want? Someone who you have to chase around? Someone who treats you like crap? They say that when you're dating that's as good as it gets because when you get married there are more responsibilities and obligations to stay together (not sure if I agree) so think about it, if this is as good as it is now that you've only been dating a few months, how terrible do you think it will be 5 or 10 years from now? Also, I hate to be harsh but if a guy doesn't want to talk to you and ignores you, its highly unlikely that you are the "one" for him. You sound like a person who really cares about people and who loves with all her heart, go find someone who will appreciate that and love you with all of his heart.
CiaoBella01 CiaoBella01 3 years
i agree with steph1234. this relationship sounds like it's only for a few months at most. the first few months are suppose to be amazing. the time when you're first learning about someone and everything is amazing. if he's already treating you like crap on the 2nd date, then he's not that great of a guy. it takes a long time to realize if someone's the one and I feel like you're also quite inexperience with relationships which is why you see your friends' advice as "getting in the way" and that you would tolerate a horrible 2nd date and still think he's the one. you should listen to your friends because they are looking out for you, something this guy isn't. have a discussion with them and don't be afraid to lose him. you will move on to better things.  
steph1234 steph1234 3 years
ok....well you don't mention how long you 2 have been dating...but upon reading this, it seems like you went out on 1 date, it went great..he was great...then from the 2nd date til present he's been unthoughtful, uncaring, uninterested......but you say he's the one??? how do you know if he's only been nice to you on 1 date? You can find someone else...who will treat you nicely. why would you settle with someone who doesn't really act like he's interested in you to begin with? If you stop and think about it...why would he not answer your phone calls? use common sense....because he doesn't want to talk to you...is this the kind of person you really want to spend the rest of your life with? one who avoids you? Your friends are correct...he is treating you like crap...they see it because they are on the outside looking in and have a much different view from you. Take the rose-colored glasses off and see this relationship as it really is....and please stop making excuses for him like this is his first relationship....it doesn't matter....that's no excuse for avoiding you....move on.
GTCB GTCB 3 years
Don't take this the wrong way but you sound psycho.
Amanda576 Amanda576 3 years
Things wont get better till you leave. When a guy likes you he is always thinking of you, hes avoiding breaking up with you. thats why hes telling you to wait till college .... or he is going through something really really big. like someone really close to him died.
plmnko plmnko 3 years
You're not happy in this relationship,he doesn't treat you right,you're friends are all telling you he is bad. You need to leave him. If your boyfriend is making you cry then there's something wrong. Hes not the one,he wont get better,you cant fix him,move on. If you stay with him he may become physically abusive,many abusive guys start out great and change once you're involved,let their true colors show. He just showed you what hes really like,do you want to be with this guy,the guy that wont call you,talk to you? Hes not a good guy,move on.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Doesn't matter why he changed, only that he did. He treat s you badly. It doesn't matter why, it only matters that he does. He doesn't understand that relationships are work. It doesn't matter that he doesn't understand that, it only matters, right now, that he treats you badly and is putting off making things right. The time to make things right is now, not later. If he doesn't treat you well now, he won't treat you well in college. You're friends are right. You are wrong. Deciding you will never let this go is committing to being treated badly for so long as you are in this relationship. You cannot make him change, you cannot make him choose to be better. If you want better behavior, you have to loose this relationship. It's not majic, it's not difficult, it's not hard to understand. When someone treats you poorly, you don't allow that person into your life. It may feel crappy because you want that person to be different, but you don't get to decide what other people's behavior is going to be, only your own. BiWife is right, you need to listen to your friends, you need to dump this guy, and you need to focus on the important things that are going to be happening in your life. He isn't good to you, so he isn't good for you. If you want to set yourself up for a lifetime of abuse, then keep going the way you're going. If you want a life full of wonderful people and experiences, then recognize now that what you have is not wonderful and stop accepting it into your life. It's not amazing. You just need to stop accepting what unacceptable, and recognize that you can do better and have better. Dump the chump, move on.
BiWife BiWife 3 years
You need to listen to your friends. You admitted right off the bat that he has started treating you poorly, so why would it shock you that your friends agree with that? If he was only good for the first date and then has been rude and inconsiderate ever since, why on earth are you trying to stick up for him? If you aren't even in college yet, you really don't need to be getting desperate over a relationship already. Focus on your education, what you're going to do when you move out, etc. Figure YOU out, forget about this boy.
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