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Boyfriend Chooses Weed Over Me

Group Therapy: Weed Over Me?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend has just finished college and is starting his job next week, so therefore he's only had 2 weeks of summer holidays. This final week he's been going crazy. I am aware that he spends a lot of time with his friends as they're really close, but they also smoke weed.

I didn't know when we first started dating, but I got used to it as he's not smoking it everyday, or goes a bit loopy if he hasn't smoked any for a while (they just do it for fun, instead of drinking). And from when I found out about this I said to myself that if he ever put weed before me that'd be it, we'd be over. But this week he's been going out every night (because of having starting work soon); normally he'd always answer my texts and we'd have a good, long chat everyday, but he's sending one or two texts and not saying where he's going or what he's doing. Not even a "I love you" . . . even though I know he's going out with his friends and smoking weed! I really don't know what to do. I know that he has to spend time with his friends, but what about me?! Have your friends and weed become more important than your own girlfriend? Hmm, please help me out here!

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PeachesnCreme PeachesnCreme 4 years
I guess I'm going to be the black sheep and say I disagree with the whole "Give it the week and see what happens". I say this because, regardless of his limited two week vacation, it shouldn't conflict with him saying in a short text to you "I love you". I mean really? Does it take that much energy? It may seem like a minuscule detail, but really things like that can show where his head really is. Just because he's having fun with his buds, doesn't mean he should completely forget about being responsive to you. So, sure...give it a week. But honestly, I wouldn't put up with being overlooked like that. He can still have his break and be a good boyfriend at the same time.
likethedirection likethedirection 4 years
I agree with most of the above suggestions...just wait it out and see how things are after he starts work. Hopefully his employer doesn't require a drug test, do random drug testing, and/or require hair drug testing. If that's the case he'll have a lot more time to smoke and hang out with his friends.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
I agree with the waiting-it-out-until-the-end-of-his-break idea. Despite the fact that you probably feel left out because he's not spending his break with you, it's not your job to tell him what to do either (unless it has to do with that possible addiction. Then there's an alibi). I know it's going to be hard. He's your boyfriend, and he should want to be spending time with you. But there's a big chance that he will go back to normal once he starts his new job. Just be supportive of him, and think of it as his way of respecting that you don't like pot around you.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
I agree with the waiting-it-out-until-the-end-of-his-break idea. Despite the fact that you probably feel left out because he's not spending his break with you, it's not your job to tell him what to do either (unless it has to do with that possible addiction. Then there's an alibi). I know it's going to be hard. He's your boyfriend, and he should want to be spending time with you. But there's a big chance that he will go back to normal once he starts his new job. Just be supportive of him, and think of it as his way of respecting that you don't like pot around you.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
I wouldn't worry about it. He starts a career soon where he won't be able to stay out at all hours having fun with his friends. Let him have this last week of his freedom before saying anything. If things don't return to normal once his job starts, then have a talk with him about his change in behavior.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
Well since you say he only has one week of this left, I might let it ride itself out. If he continues this behavior after starting his job then that could be a warning sign to him having a mental addiction to weed. Just because weed doesn't have the same addictive tendencies as say coke or heroin, doesn't mean that it can't mess with someones life. Keep your eye out when this week is over and see if he changes. You still should have a talk with him about how he's hurting you, but I wouldn't blame it on his friends or even on the weed. Let him know that he can't just ignore you, and that he has to take responsibility for his actions.
weffie weffie 4 years
Do you 'allow' him to smoke pot when you're around? I had an ex who decided suddenly that he didn't want to smoke weed any more and therefore I couldn't have it anywhere near him. I started feeling like I had to go out with my friends to be able to relax and unwind since I was now forbidden from doing so in my own home, and that wasn't exactly a nice feeling. It's a bit different for you since you didn't know at the beginning, and it was shitty of him not to tell you, but maybe if you let him know that he could come over, burn a doob and still spend time with you, he would choose that option over seeing his friends every night.
weffie weffie 4 years
Do you 'allow' him to smoke pot when you're around? I had an ex who decided suddenly that he didn't want to smoke weed any more and therefore I couldn't have it anywhere near him. I started feeling like I had to go out with my friends to be able to relax and unwind since I was now forbidden from doing so in my own home, and that wasn't exactly a nice feeling. It's a bit different for you since you didn't know at the beginning, and it was shitty of him not to tell you, but maybe if you let him know that he could come over, burn a doob and still spend time with you, he would choose that option over seeing his friends every night.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
So your boyfriend wants to sow some wild oats during the paltry 2 weeks he has between college and career... so he goes out with his friends and smokes weed? Most likely watching Harold and Kumar and stuffing his face with Nacho Doritos? Consider yourself lucky. Most guys try to get their dick wet when they want to get wild. This will pass. Be supportive. Also thanks for not vilifying pot.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
So your boyfriend wants to sow some wild oats during the paltry 2 weeks he has between college and career... so he goes out with his friends and smokes weed? Most likely watching Harold and Kumar and stuffing his face with Nacho Doritos? Consider yourself lucky. Most guys try to get their dick wet when they want to get wild. This will pass. Be supportive.Also thanks for not vilifying pot.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 4 years
No one else but him can tell you what is going on. You have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If weed and his friends are so important that he doesn't want to make time for you, there's a big problem.
lcrox07 lcrox07 4 years
Give it until he goes back to his busy schedual. Maybe he is in need of a bit of a break. If he keeps it up, you need to have a word with him.
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