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Boyfriend Comes Home Drunk

Group Therapy: What Should I Do About My Drunk Boyfriend?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years now; we moved in together in July. I think we have a good relationship, ups and downs. My boyfriend works downtown at a popular pizzeria (that specializes in serving the late night bar crowd). He works every Friday (and usually Saturday night, too) and he will start drinking when his shift is getting close to being done at 10 p.m.

I miss spending time with him these nights because we are both busy with school and don't have a lot of time for each other in the evenings usually. He always just says that he's going to have a few drinks after work with his work buddies, but night after night he stumbles in the door after 2 or 3 a.m. and then spends the next hour or so vomiting his brains out and of course I've got to help him.

One of his work buddies that he texts every Friday night is a girl who has a reputation for being a homewrecker and I can't stand that every Friday night he is out with HER (and some other work buddies) instead of spending time with me! I try my best to be understanding that he wants to go out and have some drinks with friends after work, but my patience is totally waning — especially after having just been woken up from a deep sleep so that I can make sure he's not passing out in the shower.

Tonight while he was at work I texted him to ask if he could just skip the drinks after work this one time so that we could spend time together and he just responded telling me he was getting drinks with his buddies after work and that I shouldn't guilt trip him. When he came home tonight I checked to see if he was getting the messages I was sending him (only a few) and he was — he just wasn't responding to them like he was to his girl co-worker's messages. I don't bother explaining why I am so upset when he comes home drunk at night because I know this is not a time to resolve things — but when I go to talk to him about it in the morning he acts like I am an insane person for being upset about it.

I have a hard time explaining why this makes me so upset and feel so sad because he is much faster at expressing his opinions than I am and pretty soon I can only hear his words and while he knows I'm pissed, nothing gets resolved. I don't know what to do anymore, because I know I deserve better than this. Do you think my frustration is justified? Should I be worried about this girl co-worker? How can I tell him that his late night drinking every time he works is fun for him but sucks for me?

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