My boyfriend has always been a bit critical of me in several aspects. But he'd never given me anything but praise sexually. That is, until now. You see, he has a new job and because of that we have less time for each other, and of course, that means less time for sex. But when we see each other we have a LOT of sex. And I'm no prude, I'm up for anything he wants (except threesomes). So I always do my best to pleasure him.
Last week things were a bit rocky and we didn't see each other much. But when we hung out during the weekend, we almost had sex and nothing else. So today when he complained that I didn't make enough of an effort to pleasure him, you can imagine how hurt I felt. I would get it if it was my job taking up more time, but it's not. I would get it if I turned down sex all the time, but I don't. I would even get it if I only wanted vanilla sex, but I don't! I would get if I acted as if sex is a chore, but I DON'T!
He also said that because of it, he's been watching porn. Which is another issue I have . . . you see I'm not very confident in my body (ugly face, small boobs and cellulite), and I remember when I asked him what he thought about porn stars compared to normal women, and he said of course porn stars are hotter. I asked him if he thought they were hotter than me and he said yes. He's also made some comments about my small boobs and cellulite without being asked. So to me, yes it's a bit of an issue. I know some of you don't mind porn at all in a relationship, and I guess I'd be more flexible if he hadn't been such an ass about the topic before. I also know for a fact that since he's the very jealous type, he'd be pretty angry if I got off to other men and if I told him that they are hotter than him (which I don't because in all honesty porn does nothing for me).
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He said that unless I make more of an effort to pleasure him, he will keep watching a lot of porn. I, on the other hand, feel so unattractive right now that the last thing I feel like doing is having sex with him. It made me feel so bad that I even felt like following my workout regime is pointless since I'll never look as good as a porn star. I mean, I'm not overweight or anything, but I thought it'd be nice to have more of an athletic look, and realistically I know that by working out my cellulite won't disappear and my boobs will probably only get smaller, but I thought I'd look better with a flat abdomen. And now I feel like it's all pointless since that won't make me better looking than them. They may only be on a screen, but they're actual women. And I will never look like them.
I also feel like why should I bother giving him more sex if what I give him now is not enough? I'm so angry at him right now for telling me I don't make enough of an effort to please him, and because he doesn't give a d*** about how I'm feeling right now, that I don't think he deserves that I make MORE of an effort sexually. I don't know. I even feel like breaking up with him. But now I feel like a really mediocre lay with an awful body. How can I make myself feel better? I'm 22, this is probably the hottest I'll ever be. And that's not good enough, apparently.