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Boyfriend Doesn't Invite Me to Hang Out With His Friends

"My Boyfriend Cuts Me Out on Friday Nights"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and while this is not my first long-term relationship, it is for him. Our relationship seems to be progressing very slowly, no keys to the apartment, no drawer set aside to keep my things, nothing. And I am not sure if it is like this because he hasn't really experienced a relationship or he just doesn't care. I of course can push the issue, but I don't want to be that girl.

Anyway, the problem I seem to have is that 1. my boyfriend has a lot of girls that are friends and 2. goes out every Friday night and doesn't include me, even when I ask him to. His excuse is that it is guys' night out (which I know for a fact there are girls there) and that it is his night. This is fine, but I want to meet who he takes the time out of his life to spend with, just once.

I have spoken to him twice about this and how I am hurt. A boyfriend who "loves" you would want to introduce you to everyone right? I've met his family and some of his friends, but not this group. I don't know if it is because he is embarrassed of me, cheating on me or is seeing what potential he has to. It seems every Friday I stress myself out. I don't want to break up with him, but he is not really doing anything to comfort my uneasiness.

I have caught him in a lie before, saying he was somewhere when in fact he was out elsewhere, which raises my insecurity and questioning of him. What made him have to lie to me about something so small? I am very laid back and don't question him, but after finding out about the lie, I have become this crazy, insecure person. Always questioning if he is lying, where is he really and who is he really with?

I know he loves me and is very affectionate with me, any suggestions on how to get through or is breaking up my only option?

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searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
Typo"invites you out".
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
I think it's weird and it should be unacceptable to you. I can understand some Friday's with the boy's but every Friday? It's disrespectful and the door is wide open for anything to be going on during those times. Is he ashamed of you, casual with you or hitting on other women when Friday comes around? It's extremely fishy to say the least. Either he invites out on some Fridays and intro's you to everyone or I think you should leave him alone. I can't understand why you would tolerate this for two years.
KateAthens KateAthens 4 years
A boyfriend that refuse to introduce you to his friends that goes out every single friday? There's sure something fishy here. Its ok if you let him go out alone but thats too much. If you're ok with something like that its ok but thats more like a casual relationship to me.
nylorac nylorac 4 years
Yeah I agree with most of the above. 2 years and no key to the apt, no drawer or space for your things doesn't sound as bad in comparison to your Friday night dilemma. How about you plan a romantic getaway leaving Friday night to hash things out and in a way force him to break that trend of his. Make it something he can't possibly say no to. It'll be a great time to actually address all of the concerns you have. Don't be afraid to be "that" girl. You wouldn't have to be "that" girl if he wasn't "that" guy!
Ryah-Cooley Ryah-Cooley 4 years
Dump that loser. A boyfriend who really loves you would want to make you part of the group. It's that simple. And this has been going on for almost two years? I agree with spacekatgal: Time to bounce indeed. You deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you, regardless of what day of the week it is.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
After two years he should be out buying engagement rings and instead he's acting like a 19 year old who needs his freedom. To have a guys night, but yet there's girls around. Give me a break. After two years he thinks you're going to put up with that? Wow. You mean you never go out off town, have girls nights out, travel on vacations? You wake up on Saturdays and he expects you to be there waiting around? Like hell you should be doing that. Big mistake.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
This sounds pretty shady to me. I'd be wary.
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 4 years
I was in a similar situation. There's nothing wrong with wanting a night with the guys but every Friday without fail seems a bit much. He seems to be keeping you at a distance. Whether he's cheating or just is afraid of being serious with you, I think its time for a break.
AdventureLover AdventureLover 4 years
Not to be the pessimist, but it sounds like he's cheating on you. If his "guys night" includes girl it is completely disrespectful to you and he doesn't want you there for a reason.
msdelicious msdelicious 4 years
Are you me??! Let me tell you I know exactly how you feel. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and this is my first relationship..not his. Up until recently I had not met ANY of the friends that he spent a lot of his time with. I even went to a wedding with him recently and so many people kept telling me that it was nice to FINALLY meet me...they almost thought I didn't exist. I had several HUGE fights with my boyfriend about him not bringing me around any of his friends because he knew every single one of my friends (and was friends with them on facebook). He used to make me feel as if I were trying to force myself into his separate life with his friends. It is VITAL to have your own circle of friends while in a relationship. But to keep your significant other hidden for two years is always a red flag. As hard as it is to hear I think that when a man doesn't want to bring you around his friends it's because he's doing something shifty. Now this doesn't mean that he's cheating or anything but it means that he's doing things that he knows you wouldn't approve of or "get". And in my opinion, it also means that he's not that serious about you. He can be as affectionate as he wants when it's just the two of you but if every Friday night he's treating you like a disease it erases all the times that he doesn't. The moral of the story is for you to trust your instincts. If something bothers you, it bothers you! And know that there are billions of people out there. One is bound to cherish you soooo much that any time he brings his girlfriend around his friends it's a treat for his friends. But I know how this situation must make you feel. It sucks. I just hope you don't let how he treats you dictate how you feel about yourself. (If you're curious I didn't break up with my boyfriend but we had a serious talk about this issue and the underlying issue was that he wasn't comfortable with the person he was around his friends. I think in his mind our relationship represents the person that he wants to be and the relationships with his friends represent who he is trying to change...which may not be the healthiest thing but that is another mess for another day) Sorry if I repeated what others said but when I read this article I had to just jump in and respond!
juicebox07 juicebox07 4 years
Sometimes guys like to go out with their friends without their girlfriend. It doesn't mean anything sketchy is going on. My boyfriend goes out with friends on Friday night, usually. I prefer to relax alone on Friday night's, so we pretty much have an understanding. I think he should at least let you come out on Friday's with him every once in a while so you can get to know the people he's hanging out with. If he refuses (like he's been doing), and you can't trust him, maybe you need to re-evaluate the relationship.
mscc mscc 4 years
Also, when he refuses to let you hang out with them, demand an answer. When he serves up the tired excuse again, tell him you take it to mean either (a), (b) or (c) from above, and slap him with an ultimatum!
mscc mscc 4 years
Tell him you want to meet his friends and hang out with them. You've been a couple for two years already. There should have been some natural mingling of both of your groups of friends by now. It's one thing if you hung out a few times with them and just didn't "click", but it's another if he refuses to let you hang out with them. That tells me either (a) he's not serious about your relationship (because if he were, he'd treat you better and would be proud to show you off), (b) his friends don't like you (and he either doesn't stand up for you or agrees with them on some level), and/or (c) he's cheating on you emotionally or physically with one of his female friends (or just leaving that option open by not bringing you around them.)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
If you can't trust him, and there's no good reason for it, the problem is with you and you need to get over your insecurities. BUT. If you can't trust him because he does a bunch of stuff that's untrustworthy, it would be wrong to ignore that and try to stay with him based on blind faith. I say show up to his next Friday gathering and introduce yourself to everyone. If it blows up on you, fine. That would make it crystal clear to you what to do.
stephley stephley 4 years
While you're out with your girls on Saturday, start looking around for someone else and next time, be a little bit more of 'that' girl. By being too laid back, you seem to have set up a relationship of convenience.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
You've confronted him about it. If he were really excited about having you as his girl, he would want to show you off to all his friends, and especially on Fridays when it's the weekend. You don't necessarily have to break up with him just yet. If he's going to take Fridays, I say you do what you can to enjoy the best of your weekend too. On Friday nights when he goes out, you go out too. Take your girlfriends, and go have a night out. And if this were me, I'd take Saturday with my girls too. Tell your man that Saturday is YOUR day, and you're going to be with your girls this night. Be really positive about this, and if he reacts, then he'll know what's up.
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