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Boyfriend Is Famous

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Is Famous

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Well, maybe it's still a bit too soon to call him "boyfriend" . . .

For the last 6 weeks, I've been dating a really amazing guy. He's the first person I've met that can keep up with me in conversations about philosophy, politics, art, everything. He's alarmingly handsome (dare I say, even out of my league). Our chemistry is off the charts. He's also kinda famous.

In the beginning, I was hesitant to meet him. But he was persistent, so I gave in and we arranged a first date. Everything I had expected about him (that he'd be vain and vapid) immediately went out the window and I was bowled over by how much I didn't just like him, I respected him. He has done more in his three decades than most people will achieve in a lifetime. Clearly, he liked me too, as we made out like teenagers that night, and he arranged another date for the very next day.

And so begins my new situation: I am smitten with a guy who I cannot bring myself to believe could ever truly like me as much as I like him. Normally I am an incredibly confident, independent, love-em-and-leave-em girl. In fact, I don't doubt it was those very qualities that initially attracted my new beau. But because of his success and because of his model-good-looks, I am having a very hard time enjoying the moment and not feeling like he must just be using me as a summer fling.

Due to his schedule, we can only get together once or — maybe — twice a week. I have no problem with this, and even maintain my distance, letting him come to me to arrange future get-togethers (which he does). I don't want to appear needy or blurt out my feelings too soon, but I have to confess that when we're in bed together, sometimes I'll look over at him and I don't feel excited or happy, I just think, "When he inevitably gets tired of me, it's going to SUCK."

How can I relax and enjoy just dating a wonderful new boy? How can I trust that he's genuinely into me?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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ESSSRM ESSSRM 5 years
for a start good on you for getting a fabulous guy like that.. and just relax (easier said than done) but over time you will probably relax more, and he will show you how much he genuinly likes you, you just have to believe him when he says it. Let him know that you feel like this and he will soon be changing your mind and admitting that he is truely into you as much as you are into him, good luck
jauntycap jauntycap 5 years
The best thing about hot and semi-famous men is that they never feel quite hot and famous enough, or they feel like people only want to be around them for their looks or power, and really wouldn't want to bother with the real person inside. I guarantee that your guy is just as insecure as you, if not more because people just plain stare at him all the time. It's not the sort of thing that anyone can ever truly get used to.You are in a great position in that you rebuffed him about a bazillion times before you agreed to go out with him. You made is clear that you prefer a man of substance over a pretty face. To your credit, you DO have confidence. You made him wait until YOU felt like you could trust him, not the other way around. You didn't have to prove anything to him. You didn't have to go around bragging about accomplishments and the people you know and the things you've done to get him to pay attention to you. You were just you. Smart, savvy, discerning, witty, thoughtful, and obviously beautiful you.My advice is to continue doing what you're doing. indulge in an insecure fantasy here and there. But the truth is, your guy can't get what you've got anywhere else. You hold the monopoly on all things that are Belledenuit, tu sais?
jauntycap jauntycap 5 years
The best thing about hot and semi-famous men is that they never feel quite hot and famous enough, or they feel like people only want to be around them for their looks or power, and really wouldn't want to bother with the real person inside. I guarantee that your guy is just as insecure as you, if not more because people just plain stare at him all the time. It's not the sort of thing that anyone can ever truly get used to. You are in a great position in that you rebuffed him about a bazillion times before you agreed to go out with him. You made is clear that you prefer a man of substance over a pretty face. To your credit, you DO have confidence. You made him wait until YOU felt like you could trust him, not the other way around. You didn't have to prove anything to him. You didn't have to go around bragging about accomplishments and the people you know and the things you've done to get him to pay attention to you. You were just you. Smart, savvy, discerning, witty, thoughtful, and obviously beautiful you. My advice is to continue doing what you're doing. indulge in an insecure fantasy here and there. But the truth is, your guy can't get what you've got anywhere else. You hold the monopoly on all things that are Belledenuit, tu sais?
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
Two cents: I'm currently dating a fairly infamous guy atm as well, and I definitely vouch for the advice given. Give him something to be grateful for, and you won't have to worry. He DID choose you. The more you think about what negative outcomes could happen, the more he will notice and point it out, and that usually spells disaster with a capital D. The happier you are, especially around him, the better the vibes you'll be giving off, and he'll know.
imamacgirl imamacgirl 5 years
You need to not let his achievements and status intimidate you. Live in the "now" and forget about all the extraneous circumstances and just be "you" and "him". Have fun, be yourself and let the relationship unfold as it will!
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
Keep in mind that underneath the fame and good looks, he's still just a regular guy and you have nothing to be intimidated about. Maybe it's true that he could have any woman he wants, but you could also be with anyone you want, too. Right now, you guys are choosing to be together, which is something to enjoy rather than something to overanalyze. I can understand the urge to protect yourself from being hurt, but right now try to enjoy where this relationship is rather than worrying too much about where it's going.
merie merie 5 years
thank you gals i've learned new things from you :)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
:D Aw gosh! Lookit me now: puff puff puff!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
:D Aw gosh! Lookit me now: puff puff puff!
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 5 years
I agree, I'm a fan of your advice too, Helen.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
;D Well I like your nickname, so we're even! Thanks!
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 5 years
Following your tip of praising others loudly and often, I just have to say: Helen Danger, I've read many of your comments and you give the BEST advice.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
A guy doesn't fall in love with your career or accomplishments, or even your intelligence. He falls in love with how he feels when he's with you. If he feels successful in making you happy every time, he'll always be back for more. Perversely, the more you ask of him and allow him to provide, the happier he'll get and the more he'll want to give. Somehow, doing difficult things for you convinces him you're worth doing difficult things for. Don't be afraid to set him some challenges.And don't worry about being worthy. Every woman is. That's just the truth so don't bother arguing. Instead, concentrate on having a good time with him and communicating it loudly and often, preferably in front of others so he gets all the credit. If you see him puff up his chest just like a robin redbreast, you'll know you're doing it right. That's all you have to do in exchange for his efforts.It also may help to keep in mind that the higher a guy rises in life, often, the more of an impostor he feels. Like he's always one second away from being outed as this giant fake who doesn't deserve his success. If you can communicate that you see him for who he really is and that you respect him for him, he'll feel like you are THE person who understands him.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
A guy doesn't fall in love with your career or accomplishments, or even your intelligence. He falls in love with how he feels when he's with you. If he feels successful in making you happy every time, he'll always be back for more. Perversely, the more you ask of him and allow him to provide, the happier he'll get and the more he'll want to give. Somehow, doing difficult things for you convinces him you're worth doing difficult things for. Don't be afraid to set him some challenges. And don't worry about being worthy. Every woman is. That's just the truth so don't bother arguing. Instead, concentrate on having a good time with him and communicating it loudly and often, preferably in front of others so he gets all the credit. If you see him puff up his chest just like a robin redbreast, you'll know you're doing it right. That's all you have to do in exchange for his efforts. It also may help to keep in mind that the higher a guy rises in life, often, the more of an impostor he feels. Like he's always one second away from being outed as this giant fake who doesn't deserve his success. If you can communicate that you see him for who he really is and that you respect him for him, he'll feel like you are THE person who understands him.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 5 years
Since this is real, I'll give an example of how it could turn out if you don't have more confidence.I was dating a guy who looked like a James Franco doppleganger, when we would walk into a room every girl turned her head. I normally had okay confidence but I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him and that I was dating above my means. He kind of caught on to that, he thought I was wonderful at first but when he saw that I lacked confidence and could sense that I thought he was better he decided to just stay friends. Men love confidence. Even if you aren't a super model if you act like one they will believe it, trust.I'm in a slightly similar situation now but without the superficial aspect. I'm dating a guy who is now going to Columbia to be a lawyer when I work as a writer that barely gets by...now the "are my accomplishments enough to match up to his...?" are playing a game in my head. Try not to let it get to you because insecurity ruins every great relationship.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 5 years
Since this is real, I'll give an example of how it could turn out if you don't have more confidence. I was dating a guy who looked like a James Franco doppleganger, when we would walk into a room every girl turned her head. I normally had okay confidence but I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him and that I was dating above my means. He kind of caught on to that, he thought I was wonderful at first but when he saw that I lacked confidence and could sense that I thought he was better he decided to just stay friends. Men love confidence. Even if you aren't a super model if you act like one they will believe it, trust. I'm in a slightly similar situation now but without the superficial aspect. I'm dating a guy who is now going to Columbia to be a lawyer when I work as a writer that barely gets by...now the "are my accomplishments enough to match up to his...?" are playing a game in my head. Try not to let it get to you because insecurity ruins every great relationship.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
It's not Anthony Weiner is it? Lol, anyways, yes, you just need a shot of self-worth to remember that *he* sought you out and not the other way around. He has treated you well so far & been a nice respectable guy (as well as good in bed, I assume). We're used to always expecting something to go wrong or be awful, etc, but in the right situation, nothing really does go horribly wrong. Enjoy the moment, start building pathways of communication & once you're close enough, then talk about the feelings of respect and fondness, etc.
ea3709 ea3709 5 years
Be confident!! And live each day like you won't see the next...meaning just appreciate the fact that you've had the amazing experience with this guy & try not to worry so much about the "what if". This is an awesome avenue in your life; don't worry so much :)
ea3709 ea3709 5 years
Be confident!! And live each day like you won't see the next...meaning just appreciate the fact that you've had the amazing experience with this guy & try not to worry so much about the "what if". This is an awesome avenue in your life; don't worry so much :)
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 5 years
Hi there, Courvalant. I'm the OP, and yes, this is real.Honestly, I'm not terribly accomplished. I'm just starting out in my industry, and that lends to my lack of confidence. Essentially, I can't stop thinking that if this guy could have any girl he wanted, how and why would he possibly want me?
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 5 years
Hi there, Courvalant. I'm the OP, and yes, this is real. Honestly, I'm not terribly accomplished. I'm just starting out in my industry, and that lends to my lack of confidence. Essentially, I can't stop thinking that if this guy could have any girl he wanted, how and why would he possibly want me?
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 5 years
I doubt this is real but on the slight chance it is, I would say to have a bit more confidence in yourself and see where it goes. He might be kinda famous but that doesn't make him a foreign alien from another planet. He is also a human and he is accomplished in his life of work, which happens to be show business. I'm sure you're also accomplished in your own line of work. I wouldn't be so down on yourself.
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