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Boyfriend Goes to Strip Clubs During Bachelor Party

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Going to Strip Club at Bachelor Party

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I just started dating a guy — it will be 2 months this weekend. I found out a few weeks ago that he goes to strip clubs at bachelor parties and it really upset me. I am a religious Christian and he is Catholic. We met online and I wouldn't have ever thought that he went to strip clubs.

He's going to a bachelor party soon, in a week, and I'm already upset about it. He thinks it's normal. If he goes at this bachelor party, I think I have to end it. Is this crazy? Are there any females who are okay with their guys going? Why?

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courtney556 courtney556 4 years
i agree with her strip clubs are nasty and if he has you then he should not be going to them in the first place
GregS GregS 4 years
I actually had a colleague that dated a stripper. I'm sure that happened, HD. Some don't mind, some it's good for one not the other. Some can never be purged of that "sin" (like Vacd). As you know, I'm a "live and let live" type guy. But I've never cottoned to the idea that people can't change, or once a sinner always a sinner. The one I really feel sorry for is Vcad's husband! Poor sap never should have married her. He'll have that episode hanging over his head forever.
GregS GregS 4 years
I actually had a colleague that dated a stripper. I'm sure that happened, HD. Some don't mind, some it's good for one not the other. Some can never be purged of that "sin" (like Vacd). As you know, I'm a "live and let live" type guy. But I've never cottoned to the idea that people can't change, or once a sinner always a sinner. The one I really feel sorry for is Vcad's husband! Poor sap never should have married her. He'll have that episode hanging over his head forever.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Vacd, all husbands have pasts. He's probably seen other ladies' wobbly bits several times. Big deal. In a way, the wider a variety he's seen, the bigger a compliment it is to you that he's chosen you over everybody else.I do like the comeback I read somebody else mention in this thread, though. "Oh, you want to know how I feel about you going to Deja Skin with your pals? Well, pretty much the same way you're going to feel when you see me there too tonight -- giving one of your buddies my special lap performance. I told you about my new part time job, right? ;) "
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Vacd, all husbands have pasts. He's probably seen other ladies' wobbly bits several times. Big deal. In a way, the wider a variety he's seen, the bigger a compliment it is to you that he's chosen you over everybody else. I do like the comeback I read somebody else mention in this thread, though. "Oh, you want to know how I feel about you going to Deja Skin with your pals? Well, pretty much the same way you're going to feel when you see me there too tonight -- giving one of your buddies my special lap performance. I told you about my new part time job, right? ;) "
GregS GregS 4 years
I'll tell you what he looked at, but you already know what all it was.You need to get over this obsession of yours! Just let it go!
GregS GregS 4 years
I'll tell you what he looked at, but you already know what all it was. You need to get over this obsession of yours! Just let it go!
vacd vacd 4 years
I can't tolerate strip club....and I'm having a very hard time dealing with this issue even though it happened before my husband and I began our relationship.Ever since we're in the relationship, he didn't go to one. But he visited those places 5 times in the past. 3 of those 5 times, he said his friends were all going and he didn't think it was a big deal since there're female friends going with. 1 was at a bachelor party. And the last one, was also at a bachelor party, but he left after 5 minutes. That time was after we met twice at a networking event. He said the reason that he left was because he thought about me and he felt that he shouldn't go to that place. Few months later, we started dating....He did mention about visiting strip clubs....but at that time....I didn't feel too upset because I thought "all men love it". He said that he didn't do anything besides eating and drinking. And he promised that he'd never go to that place ever again.2 years later, we got married. He didn't have his bachelor party. We love each other so much...and I know that he always tries to not do things that I don't like. The thing that bothers me sometimes is that I keep thinking about the times that he spent at the strip clubs. I keep wondering about what he did in there, what he looked at, what he enjoyed..... I can't help myself to stay away from my negative thoughts.....and often, I cry, feel sad/helpless.....How can I forget this??? Can anyone help me? :(
vacd vacd 4 years
I can't tolerate strip club....and I'm having a very hard time dealing with this issue even though it happened before my husband and I began our relationship. Ever since we're in the relationship, he didn't go to one. But he visited those places 5 times in the past. 3 of those 5 times, he said his friends were all going and he didn't think it was a big deal since there're female friends going with. 1 was at a bachelor party. And the last one, was also at a bachelor party, but he left after 5 minutes. That time was after we met twice at a networking event. He said the reason that he left was because he thought about me and he felt that he shouldn't go to that place. Few months later, we started dating....He did mention about visiting strip clubs....but at that time....I didn't feel too upset because I thought "all men love it". He said that he didn't do anything besides eating and drinking. And he promised that he'd never go to that place ever again. 2 years later, we got married. He didn't have his bachelor party. We love each other so much...and I know that he always tries to not do things that I don't like. The thing that bothers me sometimes is that I keep thinking about the times that he spent at the strip clubs. I keep wondering about what he did in there, what he looked at, what he enjoyed..... I can't help myself to stay away from my negative thoughts.....and often, I cry, feel sad/helpless..... How can I forget this??? Can anyone help me? :(
plevu98 plevu98 4 years
So, let me ask you this: Does it make a difference if your fiancee has had sex with a prostitute at his friend's bachelor party in the past? My fiancee has and now it's his turn for his own bachelor party. Should I be ok with him going to the strip club? I trust him, but his past mistake upsets me. Plus, I don't think it's fair that us women don't have some "ritual" that makes our men sick to their stomach. That way everybody wins/loses and no one can be mad, right?
Elise-Marie Elise-Marie 5 years
First of all, it doesn't seem like you and your boyfriend have established a trusting relationship. If you trusted him this wouldn't be an issue. Secondly, if you two can't see eye to eye on an issue such as this, especially so early on in your relationship, you may not be suited for each other. And lastly, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is a sort of tradition- it doesn't necessarily mean your boyfriend would rather spend time with strippers than you. Remember that you met online, and it's much easier for people to hide things about themselves when they have the Internet to hide behind. If you really want this relationship to work, then you both need to spend a good deal of time getting to know each other face to face. Good luck!
Elise-Marie Elise-Marie 5 years
First of all, it doesn't seem like you and your boyfriend have established a trusting relationship. If you trusted him this wouldn't be an issue. Secondly, if you two can't see eye to eye on an issue such as this, especially so early on in your relationship, you may not be suited for each other. And lastly, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is a sort of tradition- it doesn't necessarily mean your boyfriend would rather spend time with strippers than you. Remember that you met online, and it's much easier for people to hide things about themselves when they have the Internet to hide behind. If you really want this relationship to work, then you both need to spend a good deal of time getting to know each other face to face. Good luck!
easternstrix easternstrix 5 years
Actually,my fiancé had his stag night last Saturday. He doesn't go to strip clubs as he says he finds the idea disguising and he says he would feel intimidated. I don't like strip clubs, not women working there. But the whole idea is sick to me - in my opinion it says something nasty about the society where a woman can strip off and pretend she's sexually aroused to get her wages. This is my opinion and I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I'm not a Christian but I've got a strong academic feminist background. Plus I know a lot of strippers - they all look powerful on stage but actually there are confidence and self-esteem problems, drugs, alcohol and unwanted sex when noone watches. So, I asked my man what he thought pretty much at the very beginning of the relationship. It wasn't a unrelated question, we had a lot of talks about the society and women int he society so that he could check whether my views suited him. Luckily, they do! So, before the stag night he told his best man not to involve strip clubs because he wouldn't feel comfortable in such place. And.... they got him drunk and sneakily took him to one. He said he didn't even get in, he simply told his mates that he had asked for something else than strip clubs and left. He went to a different party instead and had a great time with those mates who followed him. The point is that very often it's actually other guys that want to go to strip clubs, not necessary the groom-to-be. So, no point blaming it all on him. If your boyfriend didn't want to go, he wouldn't. My fiancé was the groom and still found the courage to remain himself. What surprises me is that he's Catholic. I was brought up in a Catholic country and I know that the Church disapproves of such entertainment and that ever Catholic has to follow the rules and commandments of the Catholic Church. I hope he has a good explanation for this, otherwise it sound like hypocrisy to me, sorry. I'm not a Catholic but there are certain rules to live by for those who belong to the Catholic Church. :)
easternstrix easternstrix 5 years
Actually,my fiancé had his stag night last Saturday. He doesn't go to strip clubs as he says he finds the idea disguising and he says he would feel intimidated. I don't like strip clubs, not women working there. But the whole idea is sick to me - in my opinion it says something nasty about the society where a woman can strip off and pretend she's sexually aroused to get her wages.This is my opinion and I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I'm not a Christian but I've got a strong academic feminist background. Plus I know a lot of strippers - they all look powerful on stage but actually there are confidence and self-esteem problems, drugs, alcohol and unwanted sex when noone watches.So, I asked my man what he thought pretty much at the very beginning of the relationship. It wasn't a unrelated question, we had a lot of talks about the society and women int he society so that he could check whether my views suited him. Luckily, they do! So, before the stag night he told his best man not to involve strip clubs because he wouldn't feel comfortable in such place. And.... they got him drunk and sneakily took him to one. He said he didn't even get in, he simply told his mates that he had asked for something else than strip clubs and left. He went to a different party instead and had a great time with those mates who followed him.The point is that very often it's actually other guys that want to go to strip clubs, not necessary the groom-to-be. So, no point blaming it all on him. If your boyfriend didn't want to go, he wouldn't. My fiancé was the groom and still found the courage to remain himself.What surprises me is that he's Catholic. I was brought up in a Catholic country and I know that the Church disapproves of such entertainment and that ever Catholic has to follow the rules and commandments of the Catholic Church. I hope he has a good explanation for this, otherwise it sound like hypocrisy to me, sorry. I'm not a Catholic but there are certain rules to live by for those who belong to the Catholic Church. :)
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
I know the solution to your problem, though. Is it okay if YOU go let naked men rub on your lap and rub theirs private parts in your face? If so, then yeah he can go to the strip club. Right after you do.
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
I know the solution to your problem, though. Is it okay if YOU go let naked men rub on your lap and rub theirs private parts in your face?If so, then yeah he can go to the strip club. Right after you do.
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
But, I am with Joe on the ehutch79 comment... What the f*** does god have to do with it? Christians "sin" as much as anyone...they just get a bigger thrill and guilt out of it. I am in NO form or fashion religious, in fact I have a lot of qualms with what religion does to peoples relationships with one another, romantic or not. Yet, I have a much higher moral will power than 99% of my religious friends. Finding a "christian" man isn't your answer. I'm pretty sure George Reker was a "Christian" man. And Ted Haggard. What about Paul Couch? Or Ted Bakker? She's full of CRAP. It's all about finding someone who has the same beliefs and lifestyle as you, not finding "a good Christian man".
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
But, I am with Joe on the ehutch79 comment...What the f*** does god have to do with it? Christians "sin" as much as anyone...they just get a bigger thrill and guilt out of it. I am in NO form or fashion religious, in fact I have a lot of qualms with what religion does to peoples relationships with one another, romantic or not. Yet, I have a much higher moral will power than 99% of my religious friends. Finding a "christian" man isn't your answer. I'm pretty sure George Reker was a "Christian" man. And Ted Haggard. What about Paul Couch? Or Ted Bakker? She's full of CRAP. It's all about finding someone who has the same beliefs and lifestyle as you, not finding "a good Christian man".
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
I know this is annoying...but my reply is a question for all the guys out there: Isn't the concept of a bachelor party that it's "your last night of freedom before you take the big plunge and have to be faithful to one woman forever"? Isn't that "the point" of a bachelor party? How's it your last night of freedom if you're going to do it over and over again every time one of your friends gets married? And if it's not disloyalty in some form or fashion, why is that the main thrill of a bachelor party? You know it is, or it wouldn't be what you make the groom do before he has to be loyal to some woman the rest of his life.
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 5 years
I know this is annoying...but my reply is a question for all the guys out there:Isn't the concept of a bachelor party that it's "your last night of freedom before you take the big plunge and have to be faithful to one woman forever"? Isn't that "the point" of a bachelor party?How's it your last night of freedom if you're going to do it over and over again every time one of your friends gets married? And if it's not disloyalty in some form or fashion, why is that the main thrill of a bachelor party? You know it is, or it wouldn't be what you make the groom do before he has to be loyal to some woman the rest of his life.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
ehutch79,Your way of providing marriage counseling consists of saying, "Your marriage is in trouble because you are a sinner and you have to change." You are doing more damage than good by taking such an attitude.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
ehutch79, Your way of providing marriage counseling consists of saying, "Your marriage is in trouble because you are a sinner and you have to change." You are doing more damage than good by taking such an attitude.
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