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Boyfriend Had Sex With Friend During Breakup

"My Boyfriend of 6 Years Slept With One of My Friends When We Broke Up"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I was with my boyfriend for about 5 years when he broke up with me. We were broken up for 10 months. We eventually got back together 2 years ago. I've just recently found out that during our break up he slept with one of my friends (or frienemy). I had expected that he slept with other people, but to sleep with this girl was the worst thing he could have done to me. He didn't tell me on his own. She messaged him on the same night I went out drinking with her.

I try to be strong about it, but I'm pretty torn up. It was only the one time, and he said he was sorry and that he made a mistake. He said he thought I had moved on and that he'd never see me again (I had a new boyfriend at the time), but I can't stomach that it was her. I've never seen anything like her, her complete lack of self respect. I never thought he would stoop that low. I'm a pretty girl, and for him to break up with me and sleep with her is soo confusing.

I see both sides of the coin. We're all human and make mistakes and do things that we never thought we would do (especially since we weren't together I don't feel I have a huge right to be mad). However, she's always tried to steal any guy that I was interested in, this is a continuing thing that happens, so did he just have absolutely no respect for me? Part of me wants to give it another try because I love him but part of me might always resent this situation. It feels like things have been broken. It'll always be me, him, and now her.

I don't know if I can let this go. I'd like to be enlightened and see past the physical choices. I understand why he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose me. I asked him if he had thought about it and he said yes, he didn't know how to tell me or when would be good or if he'd lose me. I can totally sympathize, but I'm on the other side of table here.

No matter what I know that I will end up OK. I believe in my worth, and I know that there will be no shortage of love in my life, but I need to think long and hard before I can really let him back into my life.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sagagirl sagagirl 4 years
If you love him, forgive him but you should not necessarily get back with him. We all make mistakes and you were separated at the time. You mentioned that this friend of yours has tried to steal men away from you before. After the first time she did tried that, you should have cut her out of your life. The problem is if it continues to bother you and you get back with him, you will only be punishing yourself. Give him another chance, but if you realize that you cannot let go of that nagging feeling regarding his indiscretion then you must move on.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 4 years
You were broken up and you had a new boyfriend. It probably was a grudge f*ck but maybe he did it because he was trying to get over you? People do crazy stuff to get over break-ups. IMHO you were broken up so you can't hold it against him. It wasn't like you just broke up and he ran off with your frenemy. It was 10 mths and you had a new boyfriend! I also think you should kick the frenemy to the curb. She isn't a true friend so why keep her in your life?
lickety-split lickety-split 4 years
millions of people in the world that he could have had sex w/, and he choose her. that, was a grudge f*ck. you already knew that the woman was not a friend. but you should be able to trust an ex of 6 years to respect what the 2 of you had. if he didn't know how you felt about her (hard to believe) then that's different. but i think you know that the reason this doesn't sit well w/ you is because its wrong. who has a relationhip for 6 years and expects to never see the person again? NEVER? it was (he says) one time. i suppose you could move on. but you really need to decide to do that if you stay in this relationship. maybe ask him if he would sleep w/ any of your other friends in the future.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
As you say, y'all weren't together, you were dating someone else, you assumed he was seeing other people. Your only issue is that it was her. Which makes me think it's your pride that's hurt more than your feelings. If he's someone you can see a future with, I think it's time to swallow your pride and kick that friend to the curb if you haven't already. If your reunion is a bit rocky anyway, maybe this is life's way of saying you should've stayed apart. Just don't let comparing yourself to this girl be the deciding factor. He's been with you for the better part of 7 years. He was with her for one night. There is no comparison.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
Well, that sucks. I can't tell you what to do with your boyfriend. He didn't technically break any promises to you, but I would have a hard time getting over this situation as well. What I can tell you is that this "friend" seems like someone who should not be a part of your life. I would recommend cutting her out of your life for sure.
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