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Boyfriend Has HPV

"My New Guy Has HPV"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

So I am seeing this wonderful guy, and he broke the news last night that he has HPV. He got it from his ex during the end of their relationship, and didn't show symptoms until they had broken up. He has not confronted her. No "thanks for cheating on me and bonus STD you lying b*tch." (My sentiments) He has done nothing. I see her all the time and suppress the urge to tear her a new one, but do I have any rights in calling her out? Do I follow his lead and do nothing? He is shy and clearly still hurt by how the relationship ended, and ashamed of having an STD. I'm not worried about the truthfulness of his story, but I feel like he deserves some answers

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GZO GZO 4 years
Talk to your boyfriend about it. Don't call out his ex. That's something he needs to talk to her about, if only for his/your health and the health of others. Like charfield said, she may not even know she has it. I have HPV but have absolutely zero symptoms (got it from my boyfriend who had zero symptoms and so hadn't ever even been tested for it), so if it weren't for my yearly exam, I'd have no idea and could be giving it to people (if I were sleeping with other people) without any knowledge of even having the disease. 
charfield charfield 4 years
Just to follow up on on the previous comment, condoms do NOT protect you from getting HPV. Definitely educate yourself on the disease and talk with a professional and your boyfriend about it.
vanilla-and-pink vanilla-and-pink 4 years
I think you should do some research on HPV. The virus is a much more complex that what you're writing here.  I think the bigger question is "are you bothered by the stigma of STD's or by the fact that your boyfriend was cheated on?".  You have no way to prove she didn't carry the virus before she met him.  It's your responsibility to wear condoms to protect yourself.  Then, once you're in a stable, long term, and trusting relationship, you can talk about  getting tested for sexually transmitted infections and how you both feel about various birth control options.  If you visit your local sexual health clinic they can offer a wealth of information and help you through this difficult process.  They are very open, non-judgemental and caring professionals.  Good luck.  
charfield charfield 4 years
I think you need to talk to him about it because his ex may not know she has HPV and may be infecting others. Resist the temptation to do it yourself and tell him that he really needs to find guts to do it himself.
Starling123 Starling123 4 years
Forget about who's place it is to call her out on cheating (if that is what happened), she may not know she has it and it's his responsibility to tell her so she can be tested. She's out there potentially spreading it around. Worse if he had it before he started dating her, then he really needs to tell her that she is at risk.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
You should stay away from your new bf because it is highly contagious and can't be blocked by a condom. Change the crowd you're hanging with and get with people who have mongamous, hopefully, life-long relationships. If you don't do that, don't complain as they pass STDs around.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
First off, it can take years to show symptoms of HPV, so your boyfriend can't be 100%, without a doubt, certain that she is the one who gave it to him. She may have contracted HPV before she met him, or he may have contracted it before he met her. So really, you have no reason to be this upset, especially at her. I'm really wary of this extreme anger you're presenting, and I think you should work on levelling it off. Just cool down. It's not your place to do anything in this situation, except calm down, and you should know that.
Aquadave Aquadave 4 years
How do you know it was from her? 50% of people have it!!! Most don't even know they have it. Have you ever been tested? Make sure before you call her out
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
ITA with Biwife. Completely not your place; if your bf wants to 'confront' her or if she doesn't know she has it--let her know about the HPV, then he should be the one to do it.
chibros chibros 4 years
Agreed to 'BiWife'.
BiWife BiWife 4 years
No. You have NO PLACE to call her out. It wasn't your relationship, it was his. If *he* doesn't want to confront her about it, then it is not your place as the new woman to rip the ex-gf a new one. Sometimes it's just easier to let the person who hurt you go away and not drag it out in some drama filled spectacle. Trust and respect the "wonderful guy" you're with and let him fight his own battles unless he asks for help.
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