Skip Nav
Relationships
The Ultimate Fall Couples Bucket List
Relationships
Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors
Disney
These Cosplayers Were MEANT to Be Disney Princesses

Boyfriend Not Interested in Sex

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Says He's Not Interested in Sex

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm dating a really great guy who's a couple years younger than I am. We've been together a couple months. He says sex is a chore to him because he's been with so many other people that now he doesn't care. He says he's attracted to me and wants to have sex with me but can't. I try not to show how much it hurts me because he gets angry. I've explained to him it's about feeling close to him, and he says he's sorry but it doesn't change things. There's got to be something I can do. Please, please help me.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Around The Web
Join The Conversation
Burkina Burkina 5 years
He could very well be asexual. Are you certain he has slept with people in the past? It could be a line to get you to back off. If he is asexual, it is just who he is, like you being straight or gay. Nothing can change that. People who are asexual can and are in relationships with others(unless they are also aromantic) but have absolutely no interest in sex with anyone else. .
bubbadave bubbadave 5 years
You have 2 choices: leave or stay. If you leave you will have to find another partner and if you stay you might want to do a couple of things. 1- have him checked out by a doctor, I mean the whole checking, blood, hormones, toxin levels, everything 2- check out his package as there may be something not 'right' down there. 3- and finally, if he is willing to do the first 2, he is into you, so you might try a therapist.
bubbadave bubbadave 5 years
You have 2 choices: leave or stay. If you leave you will have to find another partner and if you stay you might want to do a couple of things. 1- have him checked out by a doctor, I mean the whole checking, blood, hormones, toxin levels, everything2- check out his package as there may be something not 'right' down there.3- and finally, if he is willing to do the first 2, he is into you, so you might try a therapist.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
my husband and I had sex on our first date and are still happily married almost a decade later. when you decide to have sex has zilch to do with whether or not you're going to have a "real" relationship. Some people aren't cool with having sex, and if they aren't, they should cop to it & be forthright about it - not make excuses and lie about their real reasons. If one party likes another or wants to be closer to the other more than their partner, there's gonna be issues. They need to talk about the real reasons for why they feel a certain way or have a particular concern. Whether it's a guy or a girl that is feeling "pressured" doesn't matter, either gender has to get up the cajones to face the issue and resolve it. Likely if there's an inequality of affection the relationship will end, regardless of gender(s) involved.
LaurenBB LaurenBB 5 years
I am so appalled by some of these responses. If this was a man writing saying that his girlfriend wouldn't have sex with him everyone would be saying just the opposite. I'm sorry but it seems that you want him to believe "it's about feeling close to you" and you are literally pressuring him into having sex. Maybe because it has only been a few months he wants to establish a real relationship with you, not just a one night thing. Be grateful! Ultimately it's your decision. However, if you really do feel like you have a connection then stick it out. If this was a year or more then I'd be worried. Maybe I am just a prude, but I think a few months really isn't enough time to be having sex, especially if he is a couple of years younger! A long-term relationship isn't just about sex. If you want a future with him then respect him. If you want just a sexual, fun thing (no judgement here) then dump him. Don't stay in the relationship if you know you just want a sexual thing, because it sounds to me he's not the bad guy here and it's gonna hurt him. Another thing to keep in mind, I know that if I told a guy I didn't want to have sex right now and he kept pressuring me, I'd dump him. Just take it slow and enjoy establishing an emotional relationship, and if he still doesn't come around then you can leave.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If he's saying he's had sex so many times that he's uninterested, that sounds like an excuse for him just not really liking you. He may just be dating you until he meets someone else that he really is attracted to. Any guy who really likes you will not be making excuses not to have sex, and if he wasn't ready he would probably just tell you that. I was married to a man who after a few months of marriage didn't want to have sex with me anymore. He said it was because he thought or relationship was still good without it and he too called it a chore. It took me way to long to decide to leave him. Either he has issues that have nothing to do with you, or he's just not into you. Sounds like you're better off without him.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If he's saying he's had sex so many times that he's uninterested, that sounds like an excuse for him just not really liking you. He may just be dating you until he meets someone else that he really is attracted to. Any guy who really likes you will not be making excuses not to have sex, and if he wasn't ready he would probably just tell you that. I was married to a man who after a few months of marriage didn't want to have sex with me anymore. He said it was because he thought or relationship was still good without it and he too called it a chore. It took me way to long to decide to leave him. Either he has issues that have nothing to do with you, or he's just not into you. Sounds like you're better off without him.
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
Maybe he's just not ready to have sex with you. If you keep pressuring him, he'll become distant. Best way is to continue to get to know him and see where the relationship goes. If it continues on this path, then maybe he really isn't into you. Don't pressure or push it. :)
lilyd83 lilyd83 5 years
I went through something similar when I first got together with my boyfriend (we've been together 2 years now and hoping to get married in the next couple of years). We used to sleep together in the first few months but not have sex. He had a reputation as a bit of a lady's man in the past and I was worried that because we weren't sleeping together it must mean that he wasn't that into me and I was really upset... but it turns out he was so nervous about us being together for the first time that it was giving him temporary ED! It took about 4 months before we had sex properly for the first time, and a while after that for him to forget all about his nervousness and the problems to go away. It used to really bother me that he didn't fancy me that much, or somehow I was the cause, but now I know it had more to do with him and how nervous he was about us working out and him pleasing me. Things are great now, we don't have any problems in that department and I feel closer to him then I ever have to anyone else. I'm so glad that I stuck around and had the patience to let things just happen naturally. What I'm trying to say is that you and your man haven't been together that long and that the reason he doesn't appear that into sex might be because he's trying to hide something else (something not necessarily too bad - like ED, nervousness, or an STD etc). If you really like him, maybe just be patient and get to know each other a bit more before deciding if the relationship has a future or not. As you get to know each other it will be easier to commnicate what you need and how you feel about each other. Don't try and rush things or push him into something he doesn't want to do before he's ready. If he's the one then it'll be worth waiting for. If not you'll both begin to realise soon enough that it won't work out. Best of luck! I hope it all works out for you :)
lilyd83 lilyd83 5 years
I went through something similar when I first got together with my boyfriend (we've been together 2 years now and hoping to get married in the next couple of years). We used to sleep together in the first few months but not have sex. He had a reputation as a bit of a lady's man in the past and I was worried that because we weren't sleeping together it must mean that he wasn't that into me and I was really upset... but it turns out he was so nervous about us being together for the first time that it was giving him temporary ED! It took about 4 months before we had sex properly for the first time, and a while after that for him to forget all about his nervousness and the problems to go away. It used to really bother me that he didn't fancy me that much, or somehow I was the cause, but now I know it had more to do with him and how nervous he was about us working out and him pleasing me. Things are great now, we don't have any problems in that department and I feel closer to him then I ever have to anyone else. I'm so glad that I stuck around and had the patience to let things just happen naturally. What I'm trying to say is that you and your man haven't been together that long and that the reason he doesn't appear that into sex might be because he's trying to hide something else (something not necessarily too bad - like ED, nervousness, or an STD etc). If you really like him, maybe just be patient and get to know each other a bit more before deciding if the relationship has a future or not. As you get to know each other it will be easier to commnicate what you need and how you feel about each other. Don't try and rush things or push him into something he doesn't want to do before he's ready. If he's the one then it'll be worth waiting for. If not you'll both begin to realise soon enough that it won't work out. Best of luck! I hope it all works out for you :)
shreerose shreerose 5 years
Agreed. Dump him. Or, if you really want to try and make it work, you could always see a therapist. Maybe it's more than "just being a chore" for him.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I agree with the above posts. I really think you should get out of this now. You have sexual needs which are not going to be met here. I am sorry but that appears to be the way it is.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You should move on. Absent abuse or, as BiWife said he is not into women, his desire should arise eventually.Since it's not, either he is the issue or your two's failure to connect is the issue. Don't invest any more into him.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You should move on. Absent abuse or, as BiWife said he is not into women, his desire should arise eventually. Since it's not, either he is the issue or your two's failure to connect is the issue. Don't invest any more into him.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
if there's no chemistry, there's no chemistry. If he finds sex a chore with you, then he's just not that into you. Unless either he's really really gay or super-duper depressed & no one and nothing turns him on. However, if you've only been seeing each other for several weeks, then you're probably not going to know him well enough to tell if it's him being not into women (because he's into men) or if he's depressed and/or acting differently than he usually does. So Occam's Razor says he's just not that into you. Move on before you get too attached to someone who's utterly unattached to you.
How to Avoid Fighting on a Romantic Vacation
Signs You've Found Your Soul Mate
Signs You're Settling in a Relationship
Daisy Fuentes Social Media Essay
Tips For Traveling Alone
First 5 Things to Do When Engaged
Could Cuddling at Night Hurt Your Relationship?

POPSUGAR, the #1 independent media and technology company for women. Where more than 75 million women go for original, inspirational content that feeds their passions and interests.

From Our Partners
Latest Love
X