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Boyfriend Is Never Jealous

Group Therapy: He Is Never Jealous!

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


I know. It's stupid to complain about him not being jealous when he is so loving and supportive and always there for me. But sometimes I wonder, does he even care?

He goes out with co-workers, I go nuts. I don't answer my phone (deliberately) for a whole day, he says nothing.

I know you guys might find it stupid but at this point, I really need that jealousy. Damn it I need an interrogation. I want to be questioned. I need to be asked where were you. Why you didn't answer my calls. Who were you with. I need that fear of losing me to some kinder better looking man who might be passing me by in the street.

Is he so confident about himself? Is he so sure that I am never going to leave him? Does he love me at all? Or all the passionate words and deeds are just stuff that he needs to say or do for just any one?

I know, I'm a moron. But please help me. How can I make him jealous? Any Ideas?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
I feel really sorry for the guy in this relationship. He has no clue he's about to be hit in the head by someone he thinks he can trust so she can see his pain. He needs a woman who will love, love, love his stability and give it back.
courtneyh courtneyh 4 years
I would say be careful what you wish for. I know the grass seems greener on the other side, but I've had jealous boyfriend before and it is horrible
vizslalvr vizslalvr 4 years
I second the people who stated that you need a therapist. Seriously. Your attention-seeking, drama-seeking behavior is not healthy.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
Maybe I should feel sorry for my language, but I don't. She's asking for advice on how to wage a campaign of emotional abuse on her boyfriend who treats her the way a woman should be treated. That's sick, it's just sick, and it takes a sick person to ask in the first place. And to some degree it is personal. Not gonna lie, I would love a boyfriend like that and have been single for a long time, secretly hoping for one, sifting through jealous assholes and kissing frogs. And she has what I want- and she treats it like shit. Worse, she has what I want and she wants me to tell her how to treat it like shit. What the fuck. Please dump him and give me his number, I'm begging now, please. I want your boyfriend to be my boyfriend and I'm jealous of you (you wanted jealousy right?). I agree with dvd, you want to make him jealous? Fuck his best friend, that's the best advice on this thread yet. Works every time, guaranteed. Now get to the fuckin, viv, so you can destroy him emotionally and be happy in your relationship!!!!!!!!!!! And viv I saw your other post, your drunk, frantic, semi-coherent, disjointed follow up to this. And I stand by what I said, even more strongly. You have some serious issues and you need therapy. I know you say it never works for you- therapy only works if you're ready. Maybe you're finally ready. Good luck.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Threads like this keep me coming back to this site.
iti1991 iti1991 4 years
I can understand your situation.My boyfriend is not that extreme ,but I too like it when he asks me where I was,with whom etc...When I heard about others' boyfrnds,how much possesive they were,i felt bitter for myself,tinsley bit,still I felt.Until the day,I heard from a close friend whose ex was a possesive guy.He didnt even allow her to wear the way she liked.Believe me,now I know the position I am in and you are in is far better than theirs.She also told the people with broad mind are never jealoush and possesive
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
You don't need to MAKE him jealous. Jealousy is a trust issue. The fact that he doesn't get jealous shows that he trusts you. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's cocky or so sure of himself. You should be happy to have that trust, and you should work on giving HIM that same amount of trust. Jealousy generally isn't healthy in a relationship.
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 4 years
You are about to ruin a perfectly good relationship. Get therapy quickly. You obviously have issues if having a loving relationship where your partner trusts you isn't enough.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Jealousy is about lack of self esteem, self confidence. You don't need to make him jealous, you do need to work on yourself about your need. If you're looking for more attention from him, ask him for more atenttion. If you're looking for him to give you some afirmation about the strength of your relationship, then tell him that. If you're needing more emotionaly then you're getting tell him that. But doing something to try and make him jealous is only going to F... everything up. The problem isn't his actions, it's your lack of confidence. And if you've been in relationships before this that are the opposite of what you're feeling now, then maybe you dont know how, yet to accept his strength and confidence. Ask for some help with that. If you're feeling vulnerable, let him know that you're feeling vulnerable, and find a solution together. If what you are looking for is something crappy to hang over his head, then you have a real problem within yourself, and need to look for some help to get past that. And perhaps you need something more in your life to hang evrything on. He apparently has a life, and accepts that you do to. His lack of obsession is healthy, you needing obsession to prove love is not. You have a problem you need to get past, or you can end up sabotaging a good thing. Talk with him about it. blessed be.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 4 years
Okay, I'm not going to tell you how to make him jealous...and you really don't want to. I think it's actually a GOOD thing that he isn't jealous, because it most likely means he has a confidence in both himself and you that can't be rattled. I'm going to tell you what a guy friend once told me on the subject about why he never got jealous either, and I think it's relevant to the situation you're going through. He said, "If I have to worry about someone leaving me, then frankly, they're not worth having." It doesn't really sound like you have much of a problem here: just enjoy your bf and forget about making him jealous. Why try to fix something that clearly isn't broken??
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 4 years
I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is the same way. It actually used to add the my insecurity, but I've finally realized that he is just secure enough in himself, that he doesn't worry. My boyfriend trusts me, but he said I can go out with my ex for all he cares. He doesn't want to hold me back in any way, and if I do something that I shouldn't, he is fine letting me go. Because he is realistic, and if his girlfriend is going to cheat on him, he doesn't want her. It's really simple, and though I can't feel this way myself, I've come to accept that he is just not a worry-wart. I worry sometimes, and I get jealous, but I try to think about it the way he does and it helps. Yes, I could worry about where he was and who he was with, but that won't change anything. He is in a relationship with me because he wants to be. If he ever does something that I wouldn't like, I would hope he would tell me, and then we can go from there. I can't control what he does, and I shouldn't want to. I've had a super controlling boyfriend, and I must say that this is SO much better. I feel free and I don't abuse his trust, and him being so trust-worthy has made me a better person. :)
dvdsky81 dvdsky81 4 years
He trusts you. That's a GOOD thing. The main thing I LOVE about my 10 year relationship is I can do whateverthehell I want and not get a freaking pat down and interrigation and he can to. It's great. We know each other well enough and there's enough trust that the other one messing around doesnt even factor into our mental processes. You have all the perks of a loving relationship while still having the freedom to be yourself and do your own thing-which in my opinion is the key to NOT CHEATING! Why go looking elsewhere when you have what you need right in front of you no questions asked. Alot of the time it's those that feel tied down and suffocated and all individuality sucked out of them that cheat and/or hide from the SO. If you're "allowed" to actually live, the SO becomes a part of your life and you WANT to see them. The last thing I would want is to spend time with an insecure, needy jackass getting all up in arms over every. simple. outing. and assuming Im having orgies when I was picking up some TP at Target. How anyone would want that is beyond me. I could not live under the very conditions you want. I couldnt do it. I hate jelousy. It literally get's you nowhere and causes petty issues that leave you alone and not trusting anyone. It's sucks. Enjoy it. You have what alot of couples would kill for. :)
Lil-Maw Lil-Maw 4 years
Maybe he knows you well enough to know that you'll do things like deliberately not answer your phone for a day to try and make him jealous? I was in a very destructive relationship where I was interrogated about my "actual" whereabouts when the person knew full well I was at work because he was the one picking me up. So I can attest to the fact that while you might think you need that sort of jealousy it is far from healthy and can easily spiral out of control. Be happy he trusts you. It's the groundwork for a solid mature relationship. Games, however, are not!
pardevant pardevant 4 years
Yeah I wouldn't sweat this one. I had the most psycho, control freak, jealous boyfriend (now ex) who'd hack into my facebook and email account to send out the most heinous messaged to guys he perceived to be "threatening"..usually it was someone asking what the homework was or something entirely innocent for that matter, he'd accused me of sleeping around when i didn't anwser my phone (while i'd be taking a nap in between classes) and other genaral psychotic things that I don't even want to remember. Then I met my current boyfriend and he sounds like yours and he is the best. He knows that I love him and that I trust him and I love that he doesn't try to control the shit out of my life. And of course he cares...if I were to hit on other people he'd be pissed (more out of a "you just betrayed my trust" reaction than because he's jealous of the other person). And this is good, you want a guy who is normal and would only get upset when his trust has been violated not when you just went out with friends or like sent a a guy friend a platonic email). Sure we all like to feel wanted but jealousy doesn't demonstrate love, affection or attraction. Jealousy is destructive and can ruin people and relationships. Be hapoy you have a nice and sane guy..stop romanticizing things that are ugly and absurd.
Silje Silje 4 years
Passion8, great advice! I would like to add that in my opinion, he shows his trust in you and belief in you two as a couple by not being jealous. He does say and show that he loves you in other ways, why would you want the most destructive kind of showing his love in possessiveness? Relax! He loves you He trusts you He doesn't need to interrogate you, for those reasons. Why do you feel that you need to control him the way you do? Is that love?
passion8 passion8 4 years
what normally helps me understand another persons behavior if i was to switch shoes, so i would ask myself if i was like him and acted like him why would i do it? what comes to mind why a person acts like this is either, he has emotional control issues so he acts like everything is cool because he really cares about you and doesn't want you to see his lack of coping skills, or because he is really undermotiviated or not a competitive person, or maybe because you does not know how to show he cares maybe because his way of his parents showing they cared about him is by letting him get away with similar behaviors as a child, or maybe he is co-dependant and does not want to loose you so he suffers quitly or with out even realizing he is doing this kind of behavior in order to preserve the relationship or he is passive aggresive and is intentionally trying to loose you by not putting in effort but wont indirectly tell you so he subtly does things to irk you. it seems very important for you to be desired the key thing for you is to want to be desired with a healthy balance and not to let his lack of showing desire for you drive you to oposite side of the spectrum and make you do stupid acts to get his attention or loose qualities that you like about your self. i think the key thing here is you do things that make you desire yourself. it really starts with in and then magnatizes the right people into your life. either it be him or another man or even friends. i look at it like this for myself if i start crying internally or craving something internally it is my job as an adult to meet my needs since i no longer am a child and need a parent to meet my needs. if you are craving to be desired, make yourself desirable to your self but please dont become manipulative in a bad way to get him to want you more do it so you are healhty and love your self the right way. i would also sit down with him and check out this online quiz and find out both of you guys love language and see how you can love each other more effectivly and in a way you can receive each others love language http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ if you guy really love each other and want to truly persue the relationship i would make your relationship a priority by reading online arlticles together, search for online quizes, about relationships,sex,how to comunicate,etc and have open discussions based on these articles. several times a week until you and him feel that you acheived the quality of relationship you both desire.I WOULD REALLY SUGGEST HAVE FUN WITH IT AND DO THAT LOVE LANGUAGE QUIZ :)
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