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Is Boyfriend Sick of Me?

Group Therapy: Is He Sick of Me?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am a very driven person and in a very strange period in my life. It's one of those transitions that is testing everything I thought I knew. I graduated from medical school about a year ago and have been studying for my boards and now am going to try to get a residency. I came back home, leaving my friends and my independence, which has really been hard for me.

I met my boyfriend around that time, so he met me while I was just coming home, and starting to slow things down to undertake the process of adjusting to my new life and commit to studying. But my life has been so stagnat. I do have things to do, but I am at home most of the time, studying, barely have any real friends so I don't really go out at all unless it's with him. He is great, I can't say one bad thing about him, we are very serious about each other and things have been on a straight path since day one.

I am starting to feel like because of my lack of things to occupy my time with, aside from just studying, I find myself boring, and sometimes bitter for the lack of stimulation. I don't mean to be, but I honestly don't have anything else to do. Lately, I feel like he is just going through the motion of things, but that I don't really excite him. And I can't really blame him. I can't get a job, until my residency comes through, and I don't really have the time to do much else.

How do I know if he is sick of me, and what could I do to help this. We have been together for a year, I don't call him during the day or anything like that, but there is nothing I contribute to the relationship that doesn't change from day to day.

Any insight would help, thanks!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
Just-Us-Gals Just-Us-Gals 5 years
Hey Doll! The way to know if he is sick of you is to ask him! It's not fair to him for you to just automatically assume thingsassumptions can kill relationships & cause unwarranted tension.The two of you need to sit down & have a discussion about the things that are bothering you & the nature of your relationship & what you both feel each of you can do to make it better.& as far as you being boring our advice would be to activate your imagination.X0X0♥ The Dolls!http://dollsociety.tumblr.comhttp://twitter.com/The_Dolls
Just-Us-Gals Just-Us-Gals 5 years
Hey Doll! The way to know if he is sick of you is to ask him! It's not fair to him for you to just automatically assume things assumptions can kill relationships & cause unwarranted tension. The two of you need to sit down & have a discussion about the things that are bothering you & the nature of your relationship & what you both feel each of you can do to make it better. & as far as you being boring our advice would be to activate your imagination. X0X0 ♥ The Dolls! http://dollsociety.tumblr.com http://twitter.com/The_Dolls
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
You have a right to be boring. And dude should love you while you're being boring. You are not a trained dancing bear who has to entertain people all the time.Did you used to be some sort of wild party girl? In that case, maybe you have changed. And you could check in with your bf and ask if he misses the old you and what exactly he misses.Also, if you are reading this, you are on the internet. If you are on the internet reading tressugar, you have free time. If this is how you want to spend your free time, stop feeling weird or guilty about it!Or if you can't stand yourself anymore, take up parasailing or paint your room green...Or start a fight with your bf over whether you are boring or not. That should be entertaining for a couple days.You're putting very specific restrictions and judgments on yourself. And enforcing them. And you are the one who made it all up!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
You have a right to be boring. And dude should love you while you're being boring. You are not a trained dancing bear who has to entertain people all the time. Did you used to be some sort of wild party girl? In that case, maybe you have changed. And you could check in with your bf and ask if he misses the old you and what exactly he misses. Also, if you are reading this, you are on the internet. If you are on the internet reading tressugar, you have free time. If this is how you want to spend your free time, stop feeling weird or guilty about it! Or if you can't stand yourself anymore, take up parasailing or paint your room green...Or start a fight with your bf over whether you are boring or not. That should be entertaining for a couple days. You're putting very specific restrictions and judgments on yourself. And enforcing them. And you are the one who made it all up!
zabrow zabrow 5 years
like a few other people said, it doesn't sound like he's bored with you, it sounds like you're bored with you. your study time will be more effective if you take a little bit of time out of every day (or at least once a week) to do something non-study related. meeting new people, trying new things, picking up a hobby, etc.. & that stuff will all make your life more interesting to you AND give you something new & exciting to bring to your relationship & talk about.
vabeachbum vabeachbum 5 years
And maybe try meetup.com or something if you need to make new friends. Maybe you can find a study group for people working on a residency.I felt the same way when I was in school. I felt like my bf thought I was the most boring person in the world because all I did was work. But when I finally talked to him about it, he told me that he really admired women with drive and was proud that I was doing it. He started dating you knowing you were working on this, so clearly he's not put off by all the time you spend on it. You might be surprised if you talk to him about it.
vabeachbum vabeachbum 5 years
And maybe try meetup.com or something if you need to make new friends. Maybe you can find a study group for people working on a residency. I felt the same way when I was in school. I felt like my bf thought I was the most boring person in the world because all I did was work. But when I finally talked to him about it, he told me that he really admired women with drive and was proud that I was doing it. He started dating you knowing you were working on this, so clearly he's not put off by all the time you spend on it. You might be surprised if you talk to him about it.
vabeachbum vabeachbum 5 years
When I was in grad school I had a standing rule that was given to me by one of my undergrad professors. From Friday night to Saturday morning, I took a break. That was my time to not study, spend with my then boyfriend (now husband) and just chill out and do whatever I wanted to do. So maybe pick one night of the week that you can take a break and make that a standing date night. And, commit to doing something different every week even if its just trying a new restaurant.
misskimberly misskimberly 5 years
No matter how much you need to study, you can always make time. I went through law school and always tried to make time away from the books - and although I still studied a ridiculous amount, my study time was more effective when I took more breaks. Studying is boring, and really sucks the life out of you, but its a necessary means to an end and anyone who is dating you needs to understand that.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I really agree with what SometimesElla said. You didn't specify any examples of how he seems bored of you. However, you cite a whole lot of examples of how YOU are bored of you. But, if you really think he might be, there is no harm in explaining your situation.I know your schedule is really busy, but can you take some of the time you have to spend with him and spend it on yourself a little bit? There's lots of things you can do to enrich yourself without it taking tons of time, like a one-day-a-week volunteer position of some sort. Or take up a new activity like mountain biking or something. You will feel great for getting out of your rut, even if it's just for a little bit :)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I really agree with what SometimesElla said. You didn't specify any examples of how he seems bored of you. However, you cite a whole lot of examples of how YOU are bored of you. But, if you really think he might be, there is no harm in explaining your situation. I know your schedule is really busy, but can you take some of the time you have to spend with him and spend it on yourself a little bit? There's lots of things you can do to enrich yourself without it taking tons of time, like a one-day-a-week volunteer position of some sort. Or take up a new activity like mountain biking or something. You will feel great for getting out of your rut, even if it's just for a little bit :)
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I see what you're saying, and when I first met my boyfriend I felt like I was boring too because none of my good friends live close to me and I am okay with not doing a whole lot during the week but I felt like he was going to think I was a loser or something since I had all the time in the world to hang out with him. But if you just relay your concerns to him and explain that at this time in your life you FEEL boring but you know it's a good investment in your future, I am sure he will reassure you. Furthermore, if you're looking for ways to shake things up, try to buy him little gifts (like his favorite candy or something - nothing expensive) and hide little cards for him, and try to plan weekends away for the two of you. Also try to make an effort to visit your friends who live away. It will make you feel better.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I see what you're saying, and when I first met my boyfriend I felt like I was boring too because none of my good friends live close to me and I am okay with not doing a whole lot during the week but I felt like he was going to think I was a loser or something since I had all the time in the world to hang out with him. But if you just relay your concerns to him and explain that at this time in your life you FEEL boring but you know it's a good investment in your future, I am sure he will reassure you. Furthermore, if you're looking for ways to shake things up, try to buy him little gifts (like his favorite candy or something - nothing expensive) and hide little cards for him, and try to plan weekends away for the two of you. Also try to make an effort to visit your friends who live away. It will make you feel better.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
Just talk to your bf about it, explain how you feel and find out what he really thinks. Good luck!
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 5 years
I'd spell out my feelings for him and tell him that the situation is temporary. If he really wants to be with you he'll stick it out. If not, I'm sure you'll meet some handsome doctor along the way instead ;)
totygoliguez totygoliguez 5 years
If you think that your lack of stimulation and all the free time you have in your hands are making you uninteresting to your bf, you can try to occupy your time in other things that don't have to do with him or your studying. You can volunteer in an organization, you can join a group or take a class. Don't always be available for him all the time, even if you are.
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