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Boyfriend Still Cares About His Ex

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend's Ex Issues

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been seeing an incredible new guy for several months now. He's 10 years older than me — mature and sophisticated beyond any previous guy I've dated. I really like him, he already tells me that he loves me. He has been married but has been divorced for many years — he's friends with his ex-wife for the sake of their two daughters.

He dated his most recent ex-girlfriend for nearly four years before they broke up last summer. They were engaged at one point, but called it off. His ex-girlfriend did not like children and stayed away from his. The relationship was on and off for the last year they were together. It truly didn't sound like a happy situation (of course, I know I've only heard one side).

So why is he still having ex issues? He recently saw a picture of her on Facebook with her new boyfriend and it sent him into a mini-depression for a couple days. He still occasionally gets mopey about not being able to be friends with their mutual friends anymore. I get the fact that it's hard to get over a long-term relationship. My most recent ex and I dated for nearly seven years. It took years to get over him! I get it! I want to be supportive and caring, but it's hard when I know nine times out of 10 — if he's sad — it's because of her. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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LaSigh LaSigh 5 years
I think you should move on- and I know that is easier to say than to do- but I would try. If it is meant to be- he'll come back to you. Perhaps, leaving him will make him realize that you are the one he wants.
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
you realize that you are the stand in, right? like the teddy bear that gives comfort when the real live person isn't there. you're being used. he might not realize it, you might not realize it, but he want her. she might not want him, or his kids, and that might be a deal breaker in reality. but, the heart wants what it wants. personally, i'd move on. and ask yourself, why you think its so great to be a man who is expending all his emotional energy on another woman. don't you deserve to be his focus?
Serene18 Serene18 5 years
I agree with Helen esp. about this showing he has a trait of being in a great relationship.You should give him time to get over this and be understanding about it because one of the last things you should want to be in a relationship is to be the sideline. You could end up getting hurt in the end if you don't back off for a while and give him time to get over her. It's clear that he hasn't gotten over her and it would be unfair to you when hes in this state of mind. There's no way that he will be able to give you all of him if his mind is elsewhere, on another woman! Just make sure he knows that your there for him, minus the shoulder to cry on.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If he broke up with her not even a year ago, and you say it took you years to get over your ex, it's not exactly fair for you to expect him to snap out of it faster than you did. If you look at his problem in a positive light, it shows he's sentimental and bonds strongly with the woman in his life. Those are actually traits of a guy who can be great in a relationship. If this is the only big issue you have with the guy and he's otherwise wonderful, just put up with it and ignore as much as you can. Go do something else when he gets mopey and it bothers you. Don't talk with him about it. The less you encourage his weepy side, the better (still be nice, of course). If you can manage to forget about her, he'll eventually follow suit. Just be your wonderful self and trust that he's smart enough to know you're a much better woman for him than her.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
While it's normal to get nostalgic, I do get that sometime but if your bf's reaction is to have a mini depression just because he saw a pic of his ex and her new bf, I think he may not be over her just yet. He may 'love' you, but his heart is not fully invested in you, he's still had some part invested with his ex. If I were you, I'd give him space, lots of it, and date other guys until he finally realizes that he's OVER the ex and asks you back into his life, and even then, tread carefully. Good luck.
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