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Boyfriend Won't Let Me Break Up With Him

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Won't Let Me Break Up With Him

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

No, literally, he won't let me break up with him. I have been thinking about this for probably the past month (out of the three that we've been dating) and I am 94% sure that there is no chance that my bf and I are going anywhere. But I am a pacifist and am only 82% sure that I want to break it off with him.

He is a really great guy and I still want to be friends and all of our friends think we're a great couple and all of that jazz . . . but I just don't feel anything for him and although we are technically in a relationship he has always just acted like a friend toward me.

So for the past two weeks I've been trying to get some time alone with him so we can talk about just being friends again, but I can never get time alone. Whenever we get together he always wants to go to some event that a friend is having, or play games with his little sister, or just hang out at some very public place where we are very likely to run into some mutual friend.

I'm a fairly private person and feel like we should be by ourselves (or at least around people that we don't know) to have this conversation, but (I don't know if I am being paranoid or not) he seems to be trying to prevent this. This isn't necessarily a bad relationship, it just isn't something I want right now. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
TammyO TammyO 5 years
What do you mean he won't let you??
Anne26 Anne26 5 years
Well, if he not understanding you want to break up works. I don;t know if this is good advice but let him break up with you. Be busy all the time, don't go places with him and eventually he will get the idea. I really think when you start to feel your getting no where it's because your fate is telling you it's to move to another learning lesson or the one for you and it needs to let go of this person to move forward. Good luck. :)
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 5 years
Oh please... it takes about 20 seconds to spit the words out. I'm sure there isnt someone with you two every second of the day. stop worrying about hurting his feelings and get your feelings out on the table.
secondstar secondstar 5 years
Like others have said, you're going to have to be assertive. Mke him talk before you go somewhere, tell him you want to stay in on night, or just tell him you want him to come over so you can talk. It's not going to be easy and it does sound like he's trying to avoid it, but it's something you have to do. If you put it off too long it could end up making you angry and resentful, so that when you finally snap it comes out much harsher than you'd like (at least that's what happened to me in a similar situation).
JanetG0307 JanetG0307 5 years
i agree with everyone above...you have to be assertive and end it. if you don't feel it (94% sure) then you shouldn't lead him on and hurt him anymore than you already will.
nylorac nylorac 5 years
go out to dinner and break up with him in a public place then
shreerose shreerose 5 years
Be assertive! Tell him,"Before we do anything or go anywhere, I have something to say," and just tell him!
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 5 years
It's hard to tell if he is indeed proactively avoiding a discussion because on the other hand you are admittedly passive about the situation. It's one thing if you say we need to have a talk about "us" and another to simply on your own just be looking out for that right time to have the talk. He could just be gregarious and out going for all we know. So the objective is to tell him you just want to be friends. I'm certain that there are times alone even if you do social activities together. The ride in the care home, the 30min. sitting down to have a meal etc. Just spit it out honey. Now if you run into the issue where he's purposefully changing the subject then we have a genuine evader on our hands but until then it's up to you to lock it down and let it out.
Life-Is-Never-Enough Life-Is-Never-Enough 5 years
if he keeps on avoiding like that, then bring the private talk into public, and show him that you dont have time for his games. Last warning.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Yup, sounds like he's avoiding what he might know is coming. Take control and tell him you're not going anywhere until you two can talk in private. Good luck.
Rory1225 Rory1225 5 years
I agree. You have to "man up" and be assertive. Tell him you need to talk to him in private and don't take no for an answer. It is likely he knows what is coming and is trying to avoid it.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
You need to have 'the talk' with him. The next time he suggests the two of you go somewhere, tell him, "Before we go, let's talk." Don't go until you have the talk. If he insists on going without talking, tell him, "No, I want to have this talk before we go" and let him leave without you if he is 'too busy to talk.'
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