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Breaking Up With a Friend Advice

Group Therapy: A "Friend Breakup" Isn't Sticking!

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a friend who has always been a little clingy, and more than a little negative. There's always some sort of drama in her life, and she's usually bitterly complaining. Plus, she is incredibly sensitive — I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. Recently, I took stock of my life and realized that I dreaded her phone calls and emails. And getting together almost always wound up involving sitting at her house, listening to her complain about work, friends, and anything else she could think of.

I told her that I needed a break from the friendship. She said she did, too. Since we haven't been talking, I've been much happier, focusing my energy on friendships that feel healthy. Now she's called to say that she really wants us to be close again — and I do not! I've tried to engage with her as little as possible, and I'm always polite, but I dread hearing from her. I don't wish her ill and I don't think she's a horrible person, but my heart sinks when I think of having her back in my life. How to handle this situation?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Lili-Anne Lili-Anne 4 years
i had the same situation with my best friend in college the thing that i did was to break the friendship, i didnt have the courage to tell her that i didnt want to be her friend anymore, one thing that help me in tha time is was due to the end of the university we took diferent ways and i didn´t call her so many times didn´t visit her etc, this help me to had time for other friends and to see the situation from a diferent pov and at the moment i did this i feel super free, happier, with a new attitude, and i dont regret it, it´s been 4 years since that happend, i know i don´t have the same relationship with her but i still have a little contact with her mail, sms and i beleive is healthier this way for both of us, becasue when i visited her is because i want to not because i had to.
trinachka trinachka 4 years
It's tricky to tell your friend why you don't want to be friends with her anymore if she isn't ready to hear it. From her viewpoint she may be doing nothing wrong, so she may end up simply resenting you for trying to change her, and none of it will sink in anyway. If she's like this with you, she's probably like this with other people, and if this becomes a pattern in her friendships (having them one by one dry up on her), hopefully she'll have the gumption to stop and ask herself why. The common factor they would all share is her - but she has to be the one to realize that. As with any relationship, platonic or romantic, you can't change the other person, only your own attitudes/behavior; I think you pretty much have to either accept other people as they are, or move on. In this case, perhaps you could simply say you aren't ready to resume your friendship. With toxic friends (aka emotional vampires), it's vital that you establish and maintain boundaries for your own emotional well-being. Whatever her desires are, you never need to feel obligated to invite draining people into your life.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
I found myself in that situation too and the "breakup" was the best thing for me. She didn't come back and try to rekindle though. Ouch. Well, at the risk of coming off like a bitch, you could just tell her the truth, that you feel better now that you're apart and you would rather keep the distance. She will probably be hurt, but I'm sure it would be effective. However, if you think that you would like to remain friends if she made some changes, you could address it with her and see what she says. Maybe she's not even aware of how she's coming across, and if she is maybe she's willing to change the behavior. Good luck.
creedy218 creedy218 4 years
I had a situation JUST LIKE THIS and i will tell you that i feel so free after not breaking down and continuing communication my my friend...i too, wish nothing but the best for her but life is just easier without her in it for me- and thats whats important.
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