Skip Nav
Relationships
The Ultimate Fall Couples Bucket List
Dating
Stop Fooling Yourself, Girl! 3 Signs He's Clearly NOT Into You
Relationships
Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors

Broke Up Via Text Message

"He Dumped Me Via Text — Now What?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I had been dating for six months and we got along great. We had a connection from the first date that was unbelievable and we never fought. The sex was amazing. I paid for his rent for a few months — plus food and just odds and ends. I did it so that he wouldn't be homeless and so that he could eat. I did it out of the kindness of my own heart and I told him I knew I'd get it back because he'd be in my life for a long time. I even suggested that he move in with me because he was starting school and wouldn't have much time to work. He joked about it, but said to wait until his lease was up. As I said, he was having a hard time financially and I haven't had too many relationships, so I was kind of winging it and doing the best I could. In my opinion, he should've been more direct with me. He shouldn't have joked about it.

I even took him on a mini-vacation before school so that he could take a break and see the ocean. On the way home, I found out that my uncle was in hospice. I broke down and sobbed and it affected him so much that he started crying as well, so I know that he cares about me. He also said that he hated taking money from me, but what was I going to do? Have my guy be homeless and hungry?

He'd been in a verbally abusive, on-and-off relationship for six years that ended six months before we met. He still had pictures of her on his computer but he called her "The Bitch." I knew in my heart he wasn't really over her, but I also knew that he didn't want to be with her. Then, out of the blue — about two weeks after the mini-vacation — he sent me a long text: "Honey, I love you, I really do and I don't want to lose what we have because I love spending time with you and I don't want to lose that. I love you but I'm not in love with you." He knew I was an emotional person and I was already going through a tough time with my sick uncle, but he still sent me that text when I was at work. I was a wreck.

He also said that moving in with me would be unfair to me because he wasn't ready for that kind of a relationship with me. I respect him for that, but I don't respect him for how he did it. I texted him my own long texts to let him know how I felt. I let him know that he shouldn't have joked about moving in because then I would've taken him seriously. Honestly, all we did was laugh when we were together. I could understand it all more if we'd fought or disagreed about a lot of things, but there weren't any problems. I haven't made contact with him in six days. Did I handle this the right way? Should I do anything else?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Around The Web
Join The Conversation
yogurtsoup yogurtsoup 3 years
about 10 years ago my ex of three years broke up with me over the phone. i can understand the pain you feel inside, its a total lack of respect and looking back its was the best thing he ever did for me. you might not comprehend  that right now but few months or few years down the line you'll recall this moment and realize that it was for the best. Just because you haven't been in many relationships doesn't mean you need to be in one with someone like him who isn't in love with you and who doesn't have class to end things in person, its a cowards way out. one thing you'll take away from life is "time heals all wounds and pain" i am a believer. You need to work on yourself, your self esteem and move on to bigger and better things in life, we as women worry too much about meeting the right man, settling down, getting married that we forget to have fun, enjoy life, be one with ourselves, be independent, we dont need men, men need us. in time you'll meet someone special who'll love you as you love him, at this moment in time his guy isn't the one. Fill your day with things you enjoy doing, surround yourself with people who love an care about you, take on a hobby, do something you love, dont worry about him, he's made his bed and now he's going to lay on it. in other words, MOVE ON, he's not worth your time and love, you are better than that, regardless how much you helped him, he is who he is, he doesn't deserve someone like you. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are better than that, you deserve better, and you'll find that someone special without having to financially and emotionally draining yourself. I wish you much happiness.
yogurtsoup yogurtsoup 3 years
about 10 years ago my ex of three years broke up with me over the phone. i can understand the pain you feel inside, its a total lack of respect and looking back its was the best thing he ever did for me. you might not comprehend  that right now but few months or few years down the line you'll recall this moment and realize that it was for the best. Just because you haven't been in many relationships doesn't mean you need to be in one with someone like him who isn't in love with you and who doesn't have class to end things in person, its a cowards way out. one thing you'll take away from life is "time heals all wounds and pain" i am a believer. You need to work on yourself, your self esteem and move on to bigger and better things in life, we as women worry too much about meeting the right man, settling down, getting married that we forget to have fun, enjoy life, be one with ourselves, be independent, we dont need men, men need us. in time you'll meet someone special who'll love you as you love him, at this moment in time his guy isn't the one. Fill your day with things you enjoy doing, surround yourself with people who love an care about you, take on a hobby, do someone you love, dont worry about him, he's made his bed and now he's going to lay on it. in order works, MOVE ON, he's not worth your time and love, you are better than that, regardless how much you helped him, he is who he is, he doesn't deserve someone like you. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are better than that, you deserve better, and you'll find that someone special without having to financially and emotionally draining yourself. I wish you much happiness.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 3 years
I think the best thing would be to not contact him again. The way he broke up with you was insensitive on his part and immature, but what's done is done. You need to find someone who appreciates you, who's in the same level(financially) than you. Sometimes we have to let go of good things to get great things.
amvck amvck 3 years
I agree with the previous comments. I know it hurts but you should be thankful that he was honest with you now and not further along the road where you're more emotionally attached. I agree that it seems like he took advantage of your kindness and it seems like he doesn't wanna lose your financial support. I think you should continue to cut off ALL communication with this guy and don't respond or fall for any of his attempts to get you back. He's already said that he isn't in love with you and it doesn't really seem like he loves you as a friend either because he didn't even respect you enough to break up with you in person and be more sensitive about it after all you've helped him with. Keep your head held high, you deserve way better than this. 
aquadigio77 aquadigio77 3 years
I agree with the previous poster and would suggest you cut off communication, cos chances are he then will tell you he wants to be 'friends' with you - so HE can still have all the benefits of the relationship you were in just without the responsibilities. My first impression is he was leading you on to take advantage of your kind heart, and thats his problem not yours, but if you continue to give him the emotional and financial support as a 'friend' (and this is what his text meant - when he said he did not want to lose what you two had) you will grow to resent him eventually. And really, would you want to have a friend who treats you like that? and try to be thankful its only been 6 months and not 6 years :-)
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 3 years
This is one of those times where you're just going to have to cut your losses and move on.  Does it suck that you spent all this money and time on this guy?  Yea, but at least you know now, 6 months in, that he's not in love with you rather than waiting another 6 months or more.  It was very immature and insensitive of him to do that through text, but people can do crappy things to each other.  There's nothing more you can do, you can't convince someone to love you or to be with you.  You should cut off communication and go be with your family in this tough time.  Move on knowing that you put your all into the relationship and you should have no regrets.  Time heals.  
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
There is a book called "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Sokol and Carter that covers this guy (and possibly you) extensively. Highly recommend getting it. Intense courtship and then dumping is a hallmark of certain personality disorders and can be addictive. Arm yourself. And next time a guy dives in you so intensely so fast, you'll recognize something that isn't about love at all. Good luck.
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
Just keep re-reading Henna's post...it's awesome :)
henna-red henna-red 3 years
"not only accepting....." I'm a poor editor, so sorry
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Well, I think he has major baggage......and he has acted like a douchebag. He's know he wasn't in love with you from the get go, I expect. He's been using you as a support system, and when you, in your turn, needed some support, he totaly bailed. Whether it's because he couldn't support you or just didn't want to.....who knows. It doesn't really matter. I'm so sorry about your uncle. Very painful for you. I do have to say that I'm glad you now know what a user he is, and that he has taken himself out of your life. I'm not so sure that you won't hear from again. And that is NOT what you need. With this guys personality....letting you help support him, taking advantage of your generosity instead of standing on his own two feet and taking care of his life....I'd be willing to bet he will give you some time to get over your trauma, and then he will eventually send you a message or give you a call telling you he made a terrible mistake, he misses you, and you're the best thing to ever happen to him. Don't listen to him. You are now working for your healing, letting yourself grieve, not only the loss of this douche, but also discovering that he IS a douche. He may not be for his entire life....but it's what he is now.....and now is when you have to deal with this situation. I agree with bluejay, that there will be someone much better out there for you. However, in order to find that better person, you are going to need to examine your own sense of obligation and boundary within a relationship. You don't ask a guy to move in with you because he's not doing whatever he needs to do to feed and house himself. You need to take a good look at yourself, possibly with the help of a therapist, and figure out why you were not only excepting of this emotionaly and financialy unstable guy, but welcoming. You seem to be someone who wants to "fix" her partner. You're making excuses for his shortcomings....we all have shortcomings and don't need excuses for them....what we need is a clear, honest vision of our challenges, to accept them and to work on them. He isn't doing that. Instead, he's looking for you to make up the shortfall in is life, and you were happy to oblige. What I think you need to do for your present and future is to make a solid decision about never getting back into contact with your ex, and never allowing him to get in contact with you. He has show you that you can't depend on him, and he can't depend on himself. He has show you that he will use you as a resource so long as you ask nothing in return. Good sex is not worth that. So I suggest blocking your phone, and making sure that he cannot easily get back in touch. Don't leave this decision up to him. Make on your own, for yourself. Quash that hope I hear under the "I am not delusional..." Be honest with yourself about your emotions. You're hurt, angry (and don't work to cover up that anger, it's appropriate." Stop trying to get through this "easy". Get through it honestly, by acknowledging your feelings, all of them, and going from there. take care OP. best of luck
bluejay17 bluejay17 3 years
It was mean of him to break up with you sending you a text message. You deserved a face-to-face conversation at least. On the other hand, he was honest with you. He ended a relationship that was not fair to you. You were receiving less than you deserve. You deserve a guy that loves you back, and cares for you, and he isn't that guy. Maybe he's not over his ex, maybe he is, but the important thing is that he isn't ready for a serious relationship right now. I suggest you leave him alone, focus on yourself, and enjoy this new stage in your life. Keep going the way you are, you're doing great. Some days are blue, some are better, surround yourself with friends and you'll see the way things start to pick up. Always remember that you deserve better, and that all of this has nothing to do with you, you gave it your eveything and it didn't work out, so move on, that there's a better person for you ahead. Good luck.
Should You Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized?
7-Day Sex Challenge
How to Avoid Fighting on a Romantic Vacation
Funny Costume Ideas For Couples
Disney Love Quotes
Signs You've Found Your Soul Mate
My Boyfriend's Mom Hates Me

POPSUGAR, the #1 independent media and technology company for women. Where more than 75 million women go for original, inspirational content that feeds their passions and interests.

From Our Partners
Latest Love
X