I just found a folder filled with pornographic pictures of Asian girls in my boyfriend's computer. I'm already openly and admittedly insecure, so finding this stash has only made me feel fat, ugly and bad about my self image.
I know that it's normal for guys to have porn, but I hate the way it makes me feel. Am I psychotic if I ask him to get rid of it? What should I do? I don't want to seem too controlling. Horrified Helena
Dear Horrified Helena
Just to give you a little bit of perspective let me "guy-speak" for a moment.
Men don't understand why girls freak out about porn. They think that no matter what - you won't be able to stop them from thinking about other chicks; all you can hope to do is contain them.
They see the porn as a release. It's not a slight to you, and it doesn't mean that they have any desire to cheat on you. It's just fun - and guys like to "sin with themselves".
On the other hand, seeing as I am a woman, I understand, but I don't agree. When I find porn it looks like this big flashing sign to me, I think, "oh gross!"
Porn should only be used as an arousal tool for couples. When guys are sneaking it alone, I view it as an offensive objectification of women and it makes me feel like I'm failing at being able to satisfy my own man.
But for arguments sake - guys and gals need to agree to disagree on this one. Men are either going to hide it from you or be honest with you about it - but all guys do it. And any one who says that they don't, is lying.
So ladies, I am sorry to say, this is likely one battle not worth fighting. Setting limits is OK, but demanding that he go cold turkey is like trying to keep Paris Hilton out of the tabloids - it just ain't happening.