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Buying Engagement Ring With Girlfriend

Group Therapy: He Bought My Engagement Ring in Front of Me

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Me and my bf have been together for 3 years. We have lived together for 2 years and have a 10 month old together. We are pretty serious, I love him very much. Most of our friends are all in commited relationships too, most of them are engaged and married.

So this weekend, we were talking about our friends that are getting married this weekend. Later we went to the mall and he decided to go to the jewelry store and look at rings. Once we were there, he wanted me to pick the one I wanted! I guess that is OK, I did it, but later on I thought, do other people do this together? Pick out their engagement rings?

I feel kind of lame. I didn't force him to get it but we were there and he purchased it. I still haven't got the ring, since it's getting customized and sized.

I feel good, because we are taking it another step but I feel weird because I was there and from what I know, men do the engagement shopping on their own.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Think of it this way: This is the ring you're supposed to wear for the rest of your life, don't you want it to be the right one? My friend's husband ignored her request and got her something she absolutely HATES. She wishes she was able to pick it out. Be happy! :) I do think he should have come back another day and purchased the ring you picked out and surprised you, but now that it's done, just try to focus on the happiness of it all :) Congrats! I had my ring picked out, my ex told me to go look for it and even try on dresses... then he broke up with me shortly after.... that sucked. :p
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Think of it this way: This is the ring you're supposed to wear for the rest of your life, don't you want it to be the right one? My friend's husband ignored her request and got her something she absolutely HATES. She wishes she was able to pick it out. Be happy! :) I do think he should have come back another day and purchased the ring you picked out and surprised you, but now that it's done, just try to focus on the happiness of it all :) Congrats! I had my ring picked out, my ex told me to go look for it and even try on dresses... then he broke up with me shortly after.... that sucked. :p
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Well I dunno. I would have avoided the store. Maybe he will step up to the plate and find a romantic setting to ask you? He still has to ask and you still have to answer......
medenginer medenginer 5 years
My ring was purchased while we were together. He told me that I need to be with him and pick what I wanted. The first one he bought alone. I still own and wear it occasionally. His vision was not my vision.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 5 years
Maybe he could have asked the jeweler to hold the ring & come back later to purchase it instead of purchasing it in front of her? Just an idea...
bransugar79 bransugar79 5 years
My husband and I had been together for a looong time before we finally got engaged. When he started looking for rings he totally wanted to do it alone, but I wanted him to know what I like because we have very different taste in jewelry. At first he felt a little weird about letting me help, because he felt like it was something the guy should do based mostly on images from movies and TV growing up. In the end he said he felt better about getting my input because he realized that would be suck wearing this ring for the rest of my life and he really did want me to love it. Now that we're married, I realize that it really wouldn't have mattered to me what the ring looked like because I love him so much and it's more about the symbolism behind the ring than what it looks like or how it was picked out. It's really hard to get over so many of the idealized images we have about weddings and proposals because when you spend a great deal of your life with one thing in your head and then it turns out differently, it can seem like a let down. But, like others have said, when you really stop to think about it; it's amazing to be with someone who loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, no matter how it happens.
bransugar79 bransugar79 5 years
My husband and I had been together for a looong time before we finally got engaged. When he started looking for rings he totally wanted to do it alone, but I wanted him to know what I like because we have very different taste in jewelry. At first he felt a little weird about letting me help, because he felt like it was something the guy should do based mostly on images from movies and TV growing up. In the end he said he felt better about getting my input because he realized that would be suck wearing this ring for the rest of my life and he really did want me to love it. Now that we're married, I realize that it really wouldn't have mattered to me what the ring looked like because I love him so much and it's more about the symbolism behind the ring than what it looks like or how it was picked out. It's really hard to get over so many of the idealized images we have about weddings and proposals because when you spend a great deal of your life with one thing in your head and then it turns out differently, it can seem like a let down. But, like others have said, when you really stop to think about it; it's amazing to be with someone who loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, no matter how it happens.
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
I love my man very much and we got engaged in a very unromantic way (kinda like Carrie and Big...yeah, sure why not...;) And although he knows me better than anyone else in the world, I wouldn't let him pick out something I''ll be wearing for the rest of my life. I am very specific, and him not knowing what I want doesn't mean we're not soulmates...it means he's a guy and has no idea about that stuff! I think you should just be happy you're marrying the guy you love and get to wear a pretty ring!
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
I love my man very much and we got engaged in a very unromantic way (kinda like Carrie and Big...yeah, sure why not...;)And although he knows me better than anyone else in the world, I wouldn't let him pick out something I''ll be wearing for the rest of my life.I am very specific, and him not knowing what I want doesn't mean we're not soulmates...it means he's a guy and has no idea about that stuff!I think you should just be happy you're marrying the guy you love and get to wear a pretty ring!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Congratulations on your engagement! Don't sweat it about being there for the ring-buying. More and more couples are doing this. It's sweet and romantic that he wanted you to be there to get something you really wanted and can live with for the rest of your life (in other words, he was keeping your happiness in consideration). And if the story bothers you to tell because it sounds boring, just say he proposed right in front of the jewelry store like Charlotte says about Trey on SATC ;)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Congratulations on your engagement! Don't sweat it about being there for the ring-buying. More and more couples are doing this. It's sweet and romantic that he wanted you to be there to get something you really wanted and can live with for the rest of your life (in other words, he was keeping your happiness in consideration). And if the story bothers you to tell because it sounds boring, just say he proposed right in front of the jewelry store like Charlotte says about Trey on SATC ;)
bengalspice bengalspice 5 years
"not commercialized" ... geez, I can't type today.
bengalspice bengalspice 5 years
I picked my ring out at Zales ... a lovely amethyst ring in white gold. I loved that he didn't go and buy me a diamond ring that I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing [blood diamond or not, i'm just comfortable with something so commercialized]. It was my picking my ring out that convinced him that I really meant what I said about not wanted a snazzy engagement ring when there are more important things we should be spending our money on [like a down payment on a new place].
Cverax1026 Cverax1026 5 years
I think that's actually really sweet.. You are the one that has to wear it and it's nice that you got to pick it out. I actually know a girl who didn't get to pick hers out and doesn't really like it. Anyway, congratulations XD
mrsld mrsld 5 years
Focus on the positive and forget the rest. You are getting married to a man you love. The ring and how it is delivered, bought , etc is not the important part. The happily ever after is! Anon #10- I think that if you are getting married you should know each other well enough to buy a ring. That doesn't mean the woman isn't direct, it means you bothered to get to know your future spouse's likes and dislikes.
mrsld mrsld 5 years
Focus on the positive and forget the rest. You are getting married to a man you love. The ring and how it is delivered, bought , etc is not the important part. The happily ever after is!Anon #10- I think that if you are getting married you should know each other well enough to buy a ring. That doesn't mean the woman isn't direct, it means you bothered to get to know your future spouse's likes and dislikes.
nylorac nylorac 5 years
*if i thought about getting engaged, i considered how he would do it, and the first time i would be seeing the ring is when he would be holding it in his hand; not being proposed to and then going off and getting the ring later
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