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Can a Friends With Benefits Relationship Turn Into a Relationship?

Group Therapy: Friends With Benefits Question For the Future

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I'm working for the summer at a job where I board with my friend Les (whom I've known for 3 years). Just recently, we started fooling around, and have been essentially living like a couple for the last few days. This is the first person I've been with since I ended a long term relationship, and we have a lot of fun and know each other really well. The kicker is our circumstance, and what has become a don't ask don't tell policy about what we'll do when this job is over in August.

While I am slightly stressed about my fraternization policy, my real worry is when this job ends and we both go back to our real lives, which are on opposite sides of the country. While I'm afraid of getting attached to someone whose life is very far from mine, I feel really good being with him right now. My question is how to broach this talk with him without messing up a great friendship... and great sex.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Flickr User fernando

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JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Meigaku-san, yoroshiku, Oh, I feel there is a huge difference between having emotional feelings for someone, sexual feelings for someone, and understanding someone. It is a shame that FWB confuses all three. Jo- yori no sengen
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Meigaku-san, yoroshiku,Oh, I feel there is a huge difference between having emotional feelings for someone, sexual feelings for someone, and understanding someone. It is a shame that FWB confuses all three. Jo- yori no sengen
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Summer flings are kind of like tripping out. Stop questioning it and enjoy the ride, man!!
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
If he feels like you do, the miles won't matter: love finds a way. Enjoy the summer and maybe it will be more. No sense in not drnking everything in :)
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
If he feels like you do, the miles won't matter:love finds a way.Enjoy the summer and maybe it will be more.No sense in not drnking everything in :)
MeiGaku MeiGaku 5 years
lol i went there last year for study abroad(hence the yellowish hair--lol figured while in japan...) anyway, i mean actual feelings by a sort of emotional bond or desire to be with someone beyond the sex. for example, a person may think, "wow, he really pays attention to me during sex and we it's always so great" and relate that to, "we make such a great couple because he understands me so well." two different things. i just found that there's a line between emotional feelings of like/love for someone and sexual desire. they can be confused with one another, though, when it's a FWB situation.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Hi MeiGaku (Do you speak Japanese...? Sugoi!) How would you describe 'actual feelings'?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Hi MeiGaku (Do you speak Japanese...? Sugoi!)How would you describe 'actual feelings'?
MeiGaku MeiGaku 5 years
i say just go with the flow. enjoy it while it lasts, and after the relationship, tell each other to keep in touch. if it works out, then great! (you'll just now have to deal with a long distance relationship... which generally does not work out for most people). if it doesn't work, then at least you've had a great summer fling with lots of awesome sex. i think too many people in FWB situations confuse the awesome sex and the comfort of mutual understanding for actual feelings toward someone. trust me. i've been on both sides.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
There's nothing to talk about. He is a summer fling, that is it. It always amazes me when women/girls come onto this board about their great FWB situation and how well it is working, but then proceed to go down the " what is going to happen in the future" road. You obviously are developing deeper feelings for him and want something to continue after the summer is over, which is highly unlikely to happen. If you can't just enjoy the casual relationship without all of the "what now" drama, I suggest you end it as well.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
There's nothing to talk about. He is a summer fling, that is it. It always amazes me when women/girls come onto this board about their great FWB situation and how well it is working, but then proceed to go down the " what is going to happen in the future" road. You obviously are developing deeper feelings for him and want something to continue after the summer is over, which is highly unlikely to happen. If you can't just enjoy the casual relationship without all of the "what now" drama, I suggest you end it as well.
Frankle Frankle 5 years
If you feel like you need to talk about it, do it. If your scared of getting attatched and then getting hurt, I would break it off.
mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
It's unrealistic to think you'll be in a relationship ever. Just enjoy the ride for the summer, no strings attached.
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
You just have to talk to him. And if he doesn't give you any real answer or think there's no future when you guys part ways, then I suggest you drop him. It sounds like you want something more and there's no point in sticking around. You are already worrying what is going to happen when you guys are finished with the work. If he doesn't want what you want, then the friendship will be messed up. That is why fwb is not really a good idea esp. when you are doing it with someone you know for a very long time.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
'Suggest you talk things over sooner rather than later.Enjoy your summer/
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
'Suggest you talk things over sooner rather than later. Enjoy your summer/
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