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Can I Believe His Drunk Confessions

"Can I Believe What He Said When He Was Drunk?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I went to a great party. There was lots of food, dancing, and drinks. We were surrounded by friends, but it felt like we were the only people in the room. Our spirits were up and our guards were down, and that's when he brought up the idea of marriage. We've been dating for a year now and things have been getting much more serious. He was very specific while talking to me, saying that we would move in first, then wait to save up for a ring — he even mentioned an estimated proposal date, kids, and other very intimate, romantic things.

At first, I was completely shocked. I thought he was joking. My thoughts have not been on marriage at all because I try to stay in the present. But when he brought up the future, he sounded serious, so I held onto his words. The thing is, we had been drinking that night — not a crazy amount, but we were both drunk. I know people say things they don't mean while they're drunk, but I don't think it's fair to say such serious things. The next day, he brought up our conversation and kind of made it seem like he wanted to take some of it back. I realize that talk of marriage and family is pretty serious, but I still feel like it's unfair that he brought it all up if he didn't completely mean it. I hadn't even been thinking of marriage until he brought it up, and now I can't stop thinking of his words.

Does the truth come out when people are drunk? Is he just embarrassed about how vulnerable he was being? Or was he caught up in the moment of a great night?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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CiaoBella01 CiaoBella01 3 years
It's normal for someone to talk about the future after having a few drinks. I think your boyfriend have thought about it at some point, but probably have not thought about it thoroughly to the point he's ready to have this discussion with you. i had a boyfriend who used to talk about it all the time with me and out of the blue, decided it wasn't what he wanted because he wasn't ready to sacrifice any part of his career for a family even though we were years away from actually starting a family.    I would not talk about that with him if he acted like he felt like he said all those things because he was slightly tipsy and his guards were down. However, if you two have been going out for quite some time now and you're at the age where family is something to think about, you might want to figure out where his head is at. The one year mark is where you need to figure out if this relationship is forever or just another bump in the road. 
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Alcohol drops inhibitions. So this has been in his mind, but he may not have been ready to say it and the booze brought it all out. However it happened, it's out there now. Absolutelly talk about it! Don't leave a big pink elephant sitting in the room without saying a word about it's being there. I think you could tell him what you've told us......you were shocked, you weren't prepared to think about those things, but now that he's said it, it's filling your mind and you need to talk about it. Be honest, let him know how this has affected you....how you feel, and what you think. Don't try to turn this into a guessing game about why, how what.....just sit down, sober (:)) and talk! good luck!
plmnko plmnko 3 years
I agree with all of the above.generally after a year of dating is when couples talk about marriage,or at least a permanent relationship,kids and all that. I think he'd been thinking on it a while and the alcohol got the words flowing. Maybe now hes trying to play it down if he thinks you're freaked out. You should just talk to him, how do you see the relationship,do you want to marry this guy,have kids? If he does want marriage and you're not ready you need to tell him. If you both want it then start discussing and figure out how to go about it.
stfualready stfualready 3 years
I'd say talk to him first. BiWife (as always) offers a great way to begin that conversation.
Aquadave Aquadave 3 years
After a yr yall should be talking marriage and kids. You need to be on the same page by this time of what do the 2 of want in life. Do you want marriage? Do you want kids? is so how many and when and at what degree of separation in their ages. How do you want to raise them? What if any religion? where do you want to live? are you going to work when the kids are born? just a very few questions you 2 should be discussing at this point before moving in together and making things more complicated.
BiWife BiWife 3 years
who knows, you've really got to ask him. There are a million different ways that this could go or reasons behind why he said what he said. With what info you've given, you'd really have to talk to him to know for sure. It is very likely that he spilled the beans too much and said out loud stuff that he usually kept to himself as he thinks about these things and comes to an eventual decision. There's a good chance his back-peddling has to do with your reaction to what he said. What did you say when he was bringing up these intimate/romantic things at the party?
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