7 months ago my friend met a guy that she was interested in - but they never started dating. They've drifted apart but I get along with him very well. In fact, we like each other so much that we want to start dating. My problem is that I'm worried she will hate me if we do. Disloyal Donna
Dear Disloyal Donna
As I see it, the only choice that you have is to talk to your friend first about her feelings. Dating him behind her back shows that you have no respect for your friendship at all. It's hard enough to find a connection with a man, but having your friend date him when things don't turn out well for you is almost always going to create a problem. Does she deserve that? And is your friendship worth more to you than the chance to date a new guy? Most people that I've talked to feel that dating a friend's ex (or love interest in this instance) is off limits entirely - period the end. Others feel that as long as you clear it with your friend before anything happens between the two of you then its ok. If you really feel that you'd be missing an opportunity if you pass on this guy, then discuss it with your friend. But you need to be prepared if she doesn't want you to move ahead with him.