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Can I Date an Overweight Man?

"Can I Fall For an Overweight Guy?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!


I met this guy on an online dating website. We have 95 percent compatibility and answered most of the questions the same. We spoke to each other on the phone for over an hour, and he makes me laugh. He has been extremely polite to me and asked me out to dinner. I'm growing ever nervous about this date, because he is overweight, and I've never been on a date with an overweight person. I'm not sure if I would be physically attracted to him and I'm also unsure if we would be compatible because I am a size 0. It sounds shallow, but I don't know if I can overlook it. This thing has been keeping me awake at night. What do I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice.

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mix-tape mix-tape 3 years
I am a little late to post on this, but in case someone else is in this predicament I decided to weigh in anyways. I too met someone online who was supposedly a great match for me. He was such a gentleman and HILARIOUS on the phone, but unfortunately overweight as well. (I'm taller than average and skinny). I said what the hell, I'll go on a date. There's nothing to lose. Well we ended the first date night when we realized the restaurant had closed and the staff was glaring at us waiting to leave. We spent the evening so engrossed in conversation and laughter that time had flown by. Of course we agreed a second date was necessary. Over three years later... we are engaged and continue to annoy restaurant staff by forgetting we've talked our way through closing time. He even relocated across the country when I accepted a new job. He has become more health conscious and lost 20 lbs the first year, but on the flip side I've also gained weight. I can look past the weight because we have fabulous chemistry. He worships me. Yes, admittedly, there have been times where I was embarrassed by his weight, but he is not trying to be something he is not and I respect that. I once dated someone who regularly took pictures of himself after his gym workout and it made me want to puke how into himself he was. Needless to say, that "hot" guy treated me like crap. Another benefit of dating someone that's overweight is that he will probably enjoy cooking, which is great. As a career woman I pretty much never feel like being in the kitchen. Anyways, I suggest you give him, or any guy who has remotely has peaked your interest, a fair shot. Love is something you can't predict!
Aquadave Aquadave 3 years
Why can I not see the entire post?
Vivi88 Vivi88 3 years
I don't necessarily think it's shallow to feel that way, we all have our little quirks about what we will accept in a potential partner. BUT, when we do this we close ourselves off to someone who could be so totally right for us and treat us the way we deserve to be treated. And if it turns out that despite his weight issues, you really, really like him enough to give him a chance, maybe your healthier lifestyle will have a positive impact on him and you can share things together like going for walks or to the gym. My advice is to go on the date. It's only one date and if the chemistry isn't there in person, then perhaps you've made a new friend.
laineyl-c laineyl-c 3 years
I was set up on a date with a guy whom I emailed quite a bit in the weeks leading up to the date. In his emails, he freely admitted he was overweight and was worried I wouldn't like him if I met him in person. I honestly told him I cared more about how I was treated by someone than how they looked and that my only concerns were health-wise. I too am a small person, short and average built, and he is the complete opposite. We finally went on the date and yes, he is overweight, but oh yeah, I'm attracted to him. And it's the best relationship I've ever been in. I would advise anyone, guy or girl not rule anyone out because they are not their normal "type," be it short/tall/heavy/skinny/dark hair/blond hair/whatever. You might miss out on something great and your "type" might be why your past relationships didn't work out.
Annie-Gabillet Annie-Gabillet 3 years
That's really great advice, terbear and a reminder that there's more to life than an image. Thanks for sharing.
terbear terbear 3 years
I generally never leave comments on these things... but this post made me laugh (not because it's funny or anything like that) so I just had to. Just to give you some background: I am like you, also a size zero, in really good shape. I am a city kid, only carried certain brand of purses, only bought clothes from certain stores, very image-conscious. I was only looking to date guys who were also in great shape, who wore "cool" clothes, listened to the "right" kind of music, had a very successful career, etc. Then one night, I met this guy. Complete opposite of me. He's a country-kid, wore the wrong clothes (horrible clothes!!), drove the wrong car (a pick-up truck!), listened to country. And he was very overweight. Anyway, was not at all interested in him. At all. He asked me out on a date, I said (hell) no. But he kept asking me out on a date. I kept rejecting him... until finally, I just gave in to going on a pity date w him. I went on a date w him. He picked the wrong restaurant, wore an awful outfit. I was kind of embarrassed to be seen out in public with him. But the date went well. He was really really funny and I was surprised I had a good time. So I agreed to go on a second date. And a third. And honestly, as I got to know him, he turned out to be the funniest, sweetest, nicest person I have ever met. And a year later, we are still together :) I'm not saying this guy you met will necessarily be "the one", but I think you might be pleasantly surprised with him if you give him a chance. I'm not going to lie, it took a while for me to get over the image thing (I wouldn't hold his hand in public for a long time and it kind of hurt his feelings, and it took a while before I introduced him to my friends) but one day, you'll just realize that it really doesn't matter what other people think. My bf treats me very well and makes me very happy so that's all that matters. And, also, the weight thing... it's not permanent. My bf recently joined my gym and is now a lot more health-conscious. And his wardrobe has definitely started to improve ;) So don't worry about things like that. And also, dating my bf has made me realize how vain / superficial I was. I definitely care a lot less about what brands I'm wearing and am a lot more concerned with just being happy :)
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
I am in no way trying to imply that you should accept or reject a person based solely on looks, but if you really can't get past his weight I don't think you should go on the date. Why lead him to believe there might be something there when this is obviously a deal breaker for you? I get the feeling you won't be attracted to him physically no matter how sweet or funny he is and there has to be some kind of chemistry for things to move forward. Good luck with your decision.
bluejay17 bluejay17 3 years
The only way to find out is going on the date. You should really give the guy a chance, what's there to lose? You already proven you're compatible, so at least you can get a nice conversation out of it. Go out with him and even if it doesn't end up well you'll feel better getting out of your comfort zone and going for something you have never done before.
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