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Can I Be Friends With My Ex?

"Can My Friendship With an Ex Be Saved?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex-boyfriend and I have decided to just be friends. We dated in the past for almost three years, then broke up and got back together about five years later. Our last relationship lasted about a year, then we broke up again. We always had problems and issues, but the first time we broke up, it was because he didn't want a serious relationship and he needed to focus on getting into graduate school.The second time we broke up, it's because there were things about him that I couldn't deal with on a daily basis. So we've decided to just be friends, but every time we talk or visit, he turns it into a "Why don't you love me?" thing. He asks to be intimate and wants to be all lovey-dovey. Because I don't share his affection and don't want to hug and kiss him, he gets angry with me. He goes on and on about how I don't care about him. Sometimes he'll pick a fight with me about something really stupid that he doesn't really care about just because he's mad that I don't want to be in an intimate relationship with him anymore. Eventually he'll apologize and say that it's too difficult to be my friend because he is still in love with me. I told him that I understand and maybe that means we can't be friends. Then he says that he doesn't want to stop talking to me and he won't badger me about not being in love with him anymore. Still, we end up going through the same cycle all over again. 

I don't think I can keep going on like this. He tries to make me feel bad for not being in love with him anymore. We've been friends for 12 years and the idea of not being friends or never talking to him again is terrible, but I don't know what else to do. He is a great person but he's one of those people who can suck all the life out of a room. He's negative about everything, always complaining and putting himself down. These are some of the reasons we didn't last as a couple. I know he has depression and he's trying to deal with it, but his attitude is taking its toll on me. He blames himself for the downfall of our relationship and he can't let himself move on, so in turn he gets angry at me for moving on with my life. Can our friendship be saved?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years
I agree with kurnia....you need that clean break. He's not only told you he can't be friends because he wants something that you don't want, he's shown you with his behavior. Believe him. Believe that he will keep pushing the boundaries until he gets what he wants....which is not what you want. You have to start paying attention to what it is you want and need, and stop expecting him to be able to stay on his side of the line...he's shown you he can't do that. So stop putting him in that position, and stop asking him for something that he can't give. Honor your feelings, and let go of this relationship. You never know what can happen in the future, but let that take care of itself....while you take care of the now, and of yourself. take care, and have a happy new year.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 3 years
Not right now. You guys need a clean break from each other effective immediately. Cut the cord. Give time to heal from the break up and perhaps in the future if you guys can become friends again, perhaps you will or you won't.
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