Skip Nav

Can Role-Playing Go Too Far?

Can Role-Playing Go Too Far?

Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez, clinical sexologist and author of A Little Bit Kinky, has been guest blogging here since last week. Today, she's answering questions you asked about role-play and a low-libido boyfriend.

Q: My boyfriend is asking me to pretend I'm some other woman during sex. Most times one of my girlfriends. He is also telling me that he finds them sexually attractive and how they turn him on, but he would never do anything in real life and he likes it just as role-playing. Also, he asks me if I have seen them naked to describe how they look, etc. Is it too much, and is it safe to keep feeding this, or should I put a stop before it's too late? Also, he keeps asking me stories about my past relationships — when we did it the first time and he wants to know details because he says it turns him on, even if he feels jealous. Is it normal?

A: As long as YOU are not bothered by it, it's OK. But if it bothers you in a way that is harmful to your emotional well-being then you need to stop indulging him. As for telling him about your past, if you feel comfortable with this then, again, it is OK, but if he berates you with this information then you know you can't play this way anymore. I'm not a huge fan of divulging too much of the past unless it is absolutely necessary. Tread carefully here.

Q: My boyfriend and I have not been having sex very often for about five months now. In that time, we have moved in together and he has started a new, highly stressful job that's not exactly stable. I understand that he's stressed out, and we have a pretty open communication about it. But we have sex maybe twice (usually it's more like once) a week. I usually try to initiate it, but he says he's too tired, too stressed, etc. But if we do happen to do it, he remarks that he feels better afterward. I'm at the end of my rope here. I love him dearly, but I need more of a physical connection. I know he's stressed, but how can I help him deal with that while getting some of what I need? I've been trying very hard not to be selfish about it, because I do understand how he's feeling. I'm very confused, lol. Is there a way I can get him more in the mood, and forget his troubles for a little bit? Get the answer, after the jump.

A: If he's truly going through a hard time, why don't you supplement your love-making with some self-pleasuring until his stress levels even out. This issue is so common I would hate to see you jump ship and have the same problem with a different guy. It is perfectly fine to be the one that initiates, so initiate as much as you want and see how he responds. It doesn't sound like he turns you down. Give this a little more time.

Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez is one of the nation’s leading sex experts and a certified clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality. Her new book A Little Bit Kinky is an imaginative and open-minded guide to exploring new possibilities in the bedroom and healthier relationships. Visit her online at

Latest Love
Looking for the perfect gift this holiday season? Order our POPSUGAR Must Have box now >>