This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
I am 22 and have been dating my boyfriend for the past five years. We are completely in love, and I'd have to say we have a pretty healthy relationship. The only thing is that in these past five years, my boyfriend and I haven't had intercourse. We fool around so I can't say that I am the perfect definition of virginity, but my fear of an unplanned pregnancy has kept us from going the whole mile.
I watched an episode of Oprah a few years ago where a sex therapist recommended two forms of protection to a young couple who were not really sure if they were ready to be intimate. That episode stuck in my mind. It made sense to me to have two forms of protection: a condom and something else to be extra safe. The only problem is that I am under my parents' health insurance, and I didn't want to risk having them find out about my plans. I love my parents but they are really old fashioned and a spontaneous visit to the gynecologist would have resulted in a really unhappy start to my search for birth control.
Just the other day I noticed that TrèsSugar had an article about nonhormonal birth control. After reading through all the options I was excited to discover that the Today Sponge was over the counter and effective. After reading the article, I talked it over with my boyfriend and told him that I had found the perfect birth control for my/our situation.
Everything has fallen into place for me to finally lose my virginity in peace, the only problem is that after five years I am still totally freaked out about losing the big "V." I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he said he understood and that he was a little scared too even though he lost his virginity years before we ever met. He said being my first was a lot of pressure for him as well, and he just doesn't want me to regret it. So now my boyfriend and I have decided to take a trip out of the city after the semester is over and have sex for the first time in a hotel somewhere in as romantic a setting as possible. I'm thinking candles (cheesy, I know).
Hearing that I wasn't the only one a little scared really helped me feel better, but all of this has led me to my question: Can you ever be ready to lose your virginity? Is it ever not scary?