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Caught My Boyfriend Texting Another Girl

"I Caught My Boyfriend Calling Another Girl Babe"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of one year. We live together and recently moved into a new place. Our relationship, like most, started out great. He made me feel like the most special girl and like he only had eyes for me. In turn, I have been 100 percent faithful to him. He spent a month and a half in jail, and I waited for him, even at the beginning of our relationship. I am crazy about him and love him very much.

Of course, we have our troubles, but in recent times, things have gotten worse. His trust for me has diminished for no apparent reason. He will literally, out of nowhere, come at me with crazy accusations of cheating and being unfaithful (talking to guys, "lying" about where I am, etc.) — typical insecure guy behavior. But I've experienced this type of thing time and time again with men and almost every time I have been correct. When a man accuses you of cheating for no good reason, usually he is the one who is guilty. I am fully aware of this, in fact, it has a name: projection. It means, when someone has guilty feelings about something, they put them — in other words, "project" them — onto someone else in order to take the focus off themselves and put it on another. Apparently, this is a definite trait in narcissistic men, and I fear lately that maybe my boyfriend is a narcissist.

I catch him in strange, small lies. I feel he has developed an ego. Like this evening, he left to go to the store. He left his phone on the counter. I've had trust issues with him in the past and have caught him talking inappropriately to other girls before, so I couldn't help myself. I snooped. I'm sure a lot of girls can relate to this — we know it's wrong to snoop, but a women's intuition usually never lies. When we get a feeling something is up, it usually is. So sure enough, I found a text from him to a girl. A name was not saved in his phone, just a number. He said, "Hey babe, forgot to give you the new number, so this is it. It's that sexy guy [his name]."

I automatically got really upset. I have been starting to think things have been better with us, and I felt as though we were moving forward. Turns out I was wrong. Basically, my problem is that I feel it is wrong for a partner to call someone else "babe" or "baby," especially if that is the name they use for their boyfriend or girlfriend, as it is for us. My boyfriend calls me babe; I'm supposed to be his babe. So of course, it was really hurtful to see him say it to someone else. It made me feel like he doesn't only have eyes for me, and I definitely don't feel special anymore.

I confronted him when he got home, and he instantly went into defensive mode. He turned it all around on me and acted like he was mad at me because I snooped. Even though I had found something incriminating on his part, somehow I was still in the wrong. I told him I looked because I had a bad feeling he was hiding something. Obviously he wouldn't want me seeing what he said to the girl. I told him how it made me feel, how it is going to be much harder to trust him, and how it makes me look like a complete fool to this girl who knows he has a girlfriend. He stuck to his guns and he is still acting angry with me. I feel as though he could possibly be a narcissist because I do not feel as though he can ever put himself in my shoes and truly feel compassion or empathy or really understand how his actions negatively affected my emotions.

A few months ago, a guy I worked with texted me and called me babe. My boyfriend flipped, and it took forever for him to let it go and it wasn't even me saying it! He twists everything around to be my fault, no matter if he is in the wrong or not. Most of the time when we argue, he will get mad and threaten to leave or say, "Well, why don't you just break up with me then? I know you want to!" It's hard for me because I really want this to work out, and breaking up is the last thing I want to do. He uses the "I know how you really feel" lines on me and often tries to imply that I don't care. When the truth is, I feel that it is him who doesn't! I care very much and show him often. I really need some advice on how to deal with this type of an issue and this type of a man. Can anyone relate? Please let me know. Any advice is appreciated — thanks.

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SevdaGulea1411087774 SevdaGulea1411087774 2 years

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I want to use this medium to tell the world about Doctor Jatto who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful spell, my ex and i where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though i went to beg her several times to please forgive and accept me back because i know i offended her but each time i went i always feel more deeply in pain and agony because she always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what i have to tell but on i faithful day as i was browsing i came arose a testimony of a woman whose problem was more than mine and yet Doctor Jatto helped her with his spell so i was happy and also contacted Doctor Jatto for help via email and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that i will wipe you tear with my spell so lucky for me everything want well just as he promised and right now i have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Doctor Jatto can not do with is spell and just as promise my self i will keep testifying on the internet of how Doctor Jatto helped me.Are your problem greater that mine or less i give you 100% guarantee that Doctor Jatto will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Doctor Jatto for help Via email drjattosplltemple@gmail.com

SusanPatrick1386794641 SusanPatrick1386794641 2 years
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Katherina15374218 Katherina15374218 2 years
My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is onimalovespell@yahoo.com so I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me,once again his email is onimalovespell@yahoo.com
Jami15133591 Jami15133591 3 years
I understand how you feel. I've been with by boyfriend for Nearly nine years and we have a 6 year old boy together. Recently I've felt like something was off between us and I was right I went Thur his phone and found sexy messages between him and his GM. She very pretty and it bothers me to because she knows that we are together but that don't seen to stop them either. I've confronted him with it and how it makes me feel. He said he stop and stupid of me I beloved him and I found out again that he never stopped and in fact still does it even in Thanksgiving day the whole time I thought we where having a good time and where past all this but I was wrong the whole day they where texting and flirting. He says he not cheating but I feel it is and I don't what to do to fix our relationship or even if its worth it since he knows how I feel and he still does it . He put a lock on his phone now so who knows what they are saying to each other. Honestly I would tell you to think about it seriously if you love him talk to him about it and then make Ur session and make the best choice for you. Before you have kids and find out your not the one he wants... Hope I could help. It nice to be able to talk to someone about this cuz he says on nuts that he not doing anything wrong but his txter to her say others wide.. You don't call someone babe and tell them sexual things if you love the one your with... Thanks for listing anonymousgirl
Cardenas14766165 Cardenas14766165 3 years
Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be are. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks goes to Dr. EDIONWE, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Dr. EDIONWE could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: edionwesolutiontemple@yahoo.com. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.
melissajayne melissajayne 4 years
This guy is no good for you. I went through the same thing with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and the relationship was hell for the last year. He was the best guy in the world to me when I first met him but a couple months later, same thing I saw him calling another girl babe through text in a very sexual way. A while after that for absolutely no reason he started thinking I was unfaithful and telling me he would get back at me for cheating on him, which I've never done and would never want too. I kept thinking things would change and he would see that he has a girl who completely loves him and is 100% faithful, but it just got worse. Your guy might be different, but you will most likely be disappointed by his lack of appreciation and respect and start losing complete respect for him which is a must in a relationship. Just remember your worth and that if he doesn't want to treat you right then you can without a doubt find a guy that will. :)
bluejay17 bluejay17 4 years
You deserve so much better that this. Not trusting your SO, snooping, being suspicious of him all the time, that's not life, that's not a healthy relationship. I know it is not that easy, specially after you've been living together and all, but it seems like this relationship is over and you should end this. When you lose trust, you lose everything. Good luck.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
Dump him. Get a new apartment. Be single for a while. You'll be much happier that way. And FYI, if you thought 'babe' was the special nickname you only use with eachother, you've just been proven wrong. He uses it on other women. My guess is he uses it on all the women he cheats on you with (flirting, kissing, inappropriate boundaries, etc), and just doesn't want to confuse them with each other.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
Don't be a fool any longer. This guy is a jerk, insecure, narcissistic, etc. You say you really want this to work, but how can it work when you can't trust him? And I think you're right...he is going behind your back and is projecting it back onto you. It doesn't seem as if there's anything to "work" here. Don't be one of those girls who settles for less than the best. Good luck.
kqueenm kqueenm 4 years
Crap. It shouldn't have posted anonymously. My username is kqueenm for anyone who would like to message. Thanks
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