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Cheating in Dreams

Group Therapy: Cheating in My Dreams

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. At one time we had a long distance relationship and I developed a crush that never developed into anything because of my relationship. I have not seen this person in over a year. I was never very close to this person and he lives half way across the world!!

Sometimes he pops into my head and I have a day dream about him. Lately I haven't been thinking about him at all...untilll a few nights ago. All of a sudden I have dreams about being with him and talking to him.

I feel really creepy about it. I don't want to be with him but I cannot stop thinking about him. I really do not like this because it brings me a lot of guilty feelings!!

Tell me what to do... Why am I so fixated??

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mushroomjo08 mushroomjo08 6 years
I wouldn't think too much about it. I've had those dreams before, but it was of high school crushes. I think people have those dreams because when you have a crush on someone, your mind is in a different place then when you're in a relationship because you view it from a different perspective. So if something is bothering you in your current relationship, you could be dreaming of this guy because the feeling you have for a crush is more light and free rather than having all the responsibilities tacked onto a relationship.
tofulover89 tofulover89 6 years
sometimes i compulsively think about someone or something i really don't want to do. like "ohh that would be really gross" or "that would be really wrong" and then my mind just fixates on it even though i don't want to. It doesn't mean anything really, it's just how our minds work sometimes.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
If you are dreaming about someone, it means you are still emotionally attached to him. Just give it time, do not think about him during the day, and eventually the emotional attachment you have for him will fade away. (It just take a lot of time.)
anabj anabj 6 years
i used to dream a lot with my ex and never with my husband. That used to bother me a lot. But then I decided not to give more thoughts and those dreams stopped. If you get obssessed about them you will have more nightmares. Think it´s just a dream and don´t waste your day time thinking about someone you don´t care and making a problem of it.
bryseana bryseana 6 years
Maybe I read it wrong, but I thought she said "daydream". That's a reverie or fantasy not a subconscious dream.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
I would not read too much into dreams. Dreams are just a way to relieve stress and replenish yourself - they don't have any kind of real meaning behind them. Dreams have never been proven to have any kind of correlation to your subconscious wants and needs, but some people want to hold onto that notion to put some purpose or meaning behind their dreams. Last night, I dreamt about my vanilla cake suddenly turning into a strawberry shortcake, and then into a chocolate cake. I hate cake, and I highly, highly doubt my subconscious was trying to tell me I really love all kinds of cake. Don't get stressed over something that is more than likely meaningless.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
I would not read too much into dreams. Dreams are just a way to relieve stress and replenish yourself - they don't have any kind of real meaning behind them. Dreams have never been proven to have any kind of correlation to your subconscious wants and needs, but some people want to hold onto that notion to put some purpose or meaning behind their dreams.Last night, I dreamt about my vanilla cake suddenly turning into a strawberry shortcake, and then into a chocolate cake. I hate cake, and I highly, highly doubt my subconscious was trying to tell me I really love all kinds of cake.Don't get stressed over something that is more than likely meaningless.
reesiecup reesiecup 6 years
I try not to read too much into my dreams. Sometimes they are just too weird.
bryseana bryseana 6 years
It sounds like one of those "what if" scenarios. It's an unresolved matter. And daydreams are quite different than r.e.m. dreams. If you're daydreaming and thinking up conversations to have with him then that's a deliberate action. That's why you feel guilty. But, really, you haven't done anything wrong. They're just thoughts. You should try to figure out why it's so important for you to reconnect with him. How are things in your current relationship? Also, sometimes things can seem more alluring and perfect from a distance. You might feel like you're missing out on something. But in a lot of cases the fantasy is better than the reality.
bryseana bryseana 6 years
It sounds like one of those "what if" scenarios. It's an unresolved matter. And daydreams are quite different than r.e.m. dreams. If you're daydreaming and thinking up conversations to have with him then that's a deliberate action. That's why you feel guilty. But, really, you haven't done anything wrong. They're just thoughts. You should try to figure out why it's so important for you to reconnect with him. How are things in your current relationship?Also, sometimes things can seem more alluring and perfect from a distance. You might feel like you're missing out on something. But in a lot of cases the fantasy is better than the reality.
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 6 years
I don't really see this as a problem. When we dream it is our subconscious trying to tell us something. If I were you, I would really think about what you want. Apparently your head is saying one thing and your heart another. Try being more intuitive of what your doing in your dreams and then take a moment to look it up on an online dream dictionary.
chillchic chillchic 6 years
It's not that big of a deal. Sometimes I think about crushes that I used to have. It gives me a soothing feeling because they were easier points in my life. But I don't want them. As long as it's just dreams/thoughts. You aren't longing, aching to be with him are you? If not then your fine.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
Don't feel too guilty, darlin', I'm sure many have been in your shoes, dreaming about an ol' crush and dream of cheating on your s/o. I had similar dreams a few times in my marriage in fact (the guy differed, it could be a crush I had in HS, etc). I don't think it has something to do with the guy per se, dreams are interesting that way. It's not real, it's just a dream, try to not fixate on it too much. If you're not going to cheat on your bf, then don't even be concerned about it. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
Don't feel too guilty, darlin', I'm sure many have been in your shoes, dreaming about an ol' crush and dream of cheating on your s/o. I had similar dreams a few times in my marriage in fact (the guy differed, it could be a crush I had in HS, etc). I don't think it has something to do with the guy per se, dreams are interesting that way. It's not real, it's just a dream, try to not fixate on it too much. If you're not going to cheat on your bf, then don't even be concerned about it.Good luck.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 6 years
i dream about stuff like that all the time... about someone i work with that i'm not attracted too in the least when conscious, an ex that had a great ass but a horrible personality, the German rapper i had a one night stand with 2 years ago etc etc. It's not often, and yes i do sometimes feel a bit guilty about it at times, but the fact is it's just a dream and i wouldn't cheat on my man. I'm also certain he has similar dreams, and I don't wanna know cos it is just a dream. If you talk about it with a partner, that's when it becomes real. Don't feel guilty, cos it's not real.
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
Whenever I have a dream I can't figure out, I always head over to dreammoods.com and try to figure it out. I look up every aspect that I can remember from the dream and copy and paste it into one document, then read through it to gain insight into why I dreamt what I dreamt. Often times, it has absolutely nothing to do with what happens in the dream! But analysing it almost always brings clarity. So... "To dream about a former crush, refers to that particular period in your life and what you were feeling. The former crush represents a point in time when you first had the crush on that person." The dream has nothing to do with the guy you had a crush on, it more has to do with that time in your life. Think about what life was like at that time, and how you were feeling. Maybe something is missing now that you had then, and your dream is just a reminder of that. I would suggest looking up any other aspects of the dream you remember, like what you were doing, where you were, what you saw, etc. to get more clarity. But I don't think you have anything to worry about!
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
Whenever I have a dream I can't figure out, I always head over to dreammoods.com and try to figure it out. I look up every aspect that I can remember from the dream and copy and paste it into one document, then read through it to gain insight into why I dreamt what I dreamt. Often times, it has absolutely nothing to do with what happens in the dream! But analysing it almost always brings clarity.So..."To dream about a former crush, refers to that particular period in your life and what you were feeling. The former crush represents a point in time when you first had the crush on that person."The dream has nothing to do with the guy you had a crush on, it more has to do with that time in your life. Think about what life was like at that time, and how you were feeling. Maybe something is missing now that you had then, and your dream is just a reminder of that.I would suggest looking up any other aspects of the dream you remember, like what you were doing, where you were, what you saw, etc. to get more clarity. But I don't think you have anything to worry about!
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
There are many things that can cause you to have such nightmares, but I think you have to just try to put him behind you and move on. You had a long-distance boyfriend, you got a crush on a guy in town, and now you feel guilty about it? Have you officially broken up with the long-distance guy? If not, do you feel guilty about it?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
There are many things that can cause you to have such nightmares, but I think you have to just try to put him behind you and move on. You had a long-distance boyfriend, you got a crush on a guy in town, and now you feel guilty about it?Have you officially broken up with the long-distance guy? If not, do you feel guilty about it?
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