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Cheating: To Forgive or Forget?

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

Here's a post from OnSugar blog My DISFunkshion.

Is cheating ever forgivable? I’ve found myself vehemently claiming that cheating is never forgivable on more than one occasion, but what if I were on the other end of the scenario...

What if I had been the one who made a mistake, I wanted to tell my significant other but I knew it would end our relationship, would I allow the guilt eat away at me, in order to preserve the relationship or would I risk everything just to be honest? Is honesty really the best policy?

Society encourages to "walk a mile in someone else’s shoes" but only when it is convenient. When it comes to fidelity, we more often than not blame the cheater rather than examine the relationship. I believe that, although cheating may be forgivable to some, it is unforgettable to most. I’ve never crossed the line but I’ve walked on the border once or twice; it took months to live down the guilt of an almost.

If someone has enough courage to admit their wrongs, don’t we at least owe it to each other to examine the relationship more closely?

Want to see more? Start following My DISFunkshion or start your own OnSugar blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

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CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
i dont judge others when it comes to cheating i would never tell someone that its "lack of character" or morals. because i dont know them. Its never that black and white of an explanation, no matter how much you try to define it. If you dont like cheating, then dont cheat. simple as that.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
i dont judge others when it comes to cheating i would never tell someone that its "lack of character" or morals. because i dont know them. Its never that black and white of an explanation, no matter how much you try to define it. If you dont like cheating, then dont cheat. simple as that.
RomanticAtheist RomanticAtheist 6 years
Wow, I'm surprised at how many people commented! But that is afterall the point of the article is to be thought provoking.I can understand where all of you are coming from.I have never cheated, I honestly don't think I would but people make mistakes and to say that is human for people to make mistakes in ALL other areas of life but not in this one seems unfair. People have lapses in judgement. Example: I have a college friend who got engaged not too long ago, at the beginning of her relationship, she slipped and kissed someone else. She never told him and never did it again. She wasn't a serial cheater, she wasn't a bad person, she just got too drunk one night and someone kissed her. Is she worthy of being dumped?She never told and no one was ever the wiser.And more importantly, would it matter if I told you said friend was a guy?Are we more forgiving when a female has an indiscretion or when a guy does?What do you tell your female friends who have accidentally cheated?-Do you tell them to hide it or to share it?-Do you tell them when/if they get dumped that they deserve it because cheating is unacceptable?I do not condone serial cheating (or cheating at all) but my point is...people we love, who love us can make mistakes. I just think people seem to be understanding and forgive all manner of other things but when it comes to cheating, people seem to see it in black and white, when life is all about shades of grey.
RomanticAtheist RomanticAtheist 6 years
Wow, I'm surprised at how many people commented! But that is afterall the point of the article is to be thought provoking. I can understand where all of you are coming from. I have never cheated, I honestly don't think I would but people make mistakes and to say that is human for people to make mistakes in ALL other areas of life but not in this one seems unfair. People have lapses in judgement. Example: I have a college friend who got engaged not too long ago, at the beginning of her relationship, she slipped and kissed someone else. She never told him and never did it again. She wasn't a serial cheater, she wasn't a bad person, she just got too drunk one night and someone kissed her. Is she worthy of being dumped? She never told and no one was ever the wiser. And more importantly, would it matter if I told you said friend was a guy? Are we more forgiving when a female has an indiscretion or when a guy does? What do you tell your female friends who have accidentally cheated? -Do you tell them to hide it or to share it? -Do you tell them when/if they get dumped that they deserve it because cheating is unacceptable? I do not condone serial cheating (or cheating at all) but my point is...people we love, who love us can make mistakes. I just think people seem to be understanding and forgive all manner of other things but when it comes to cheating, people seem to see it in black and white, when life is all about shades of grey.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
My SO and I have frequently discussed cheating, as cheating was one of the reasons why both his parents and my parents divorced. Obviously it wasn't all because of it, but we both think it is extremely important for people to not do this. I know that if I cheated, my relationship would be over the very second I did something, and if he cheated on me, I'd be gone. We both think that if you are an adult, you should be able to express how you feel to your partner, instead of just going off and screwing someone else. If you want to have sex with other people, say something. If you don't want to be in a relationship at all, then say something. End the relationship if you don't want to stay faithful to that person (or if and open relationship is out of the question). I would never cheat on anyone because I think it is morally wrong, and I also think there is no need to cheat when you can simply break up and spare yourself all the BS. I wouldn't forgive cheating. I'd find my ass someone who loved me enough and respected me enough to not cheat.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
My SO and I have frequently discussed cheating, as cheating was one of the reasons why both his parents and my parents divorced. Obviously it wasn't all because of it, but we both think it is extremely important for people to not do this. I know that if I cheated, my relationship would be over the very second I did something, and if he cheated on me, I'd be gone. We both think that if you are an adult, you should be able to express how you feel to your partner, instead of just going off and screwing someone else. If you want to have sex with other people, say something. If you don't want to be in a relationship at all, then say something. End the relationship if you don't want to stay faithful to that person (or if and open relationship is out of the question). I would never cheat on anyone because I think it is morally wrong, and I also think there is no need to cheat when you can simply break up and spare yourself all the BS. I wouldn't forgive cheating. I'd find my ass someone who loved me enough and respected me enough to not cheat.
cotedazur cotedazur 6 years
Wow, I'm surprised at how vehement nearly all of the above responses are! You all have some high standards regarding cheating - good for you! I can't really say I feel the same, though. Adults - even happily married adults - play games. They like to flirt and to feel wanted, they have low self-esteem, they get in arguments with their significant others and try to prove that they're still desirable, they get drunk and lower their inhibitions, they go on vacation and meet someone in an atmosphere so exotic that their real life doesn't even seem to exist anymore, or they just get bored after years together.... None of these are excuses for cheating, but they are reasons that it happens. More importantly, they're all temporary; they're all things that can be worked through as a couple. Obviously the best solution would be to bring up such concerns BEFORE the cheating happens, I think they could still be worked through after a moment of infidelity.The argument I have with my husband all the time is whether or not to tell if one of us cheats. I'd want to know right away if he cheated on me; he said he doesn't want to know if I do something. I don't know, I just can't bear the thought of everyone else knowing and not me... not to mention that I'd want to talk through why it happened.
cotedazur cotedazur 6 years
Wow, I'm surprised at how vehement nearly all of the above responses are! You all have some high standards regarding cheating - good for you! I can't really say I feel the same, though. Adults - even happily married adults - play games. They like to flirt and to feel wanted, they have low self-esteem, they get in arguments with their significant others and try to prove that they're still desirable, they get drunk and lower their inhibitions, they go on vacation and meet someone in an atmosphere so exotic that their real life doesn't even seem to exist anymore, or they just get bored after years together.... None of these are excuses for cheating, but they are reasons that it happens. More importantly, they're all temporary; they're all things that can be worked through as a couple. Obviously the best solution would be to bring up such concerns BEFORE the cheating happens, I think they could still be worked through after a moment of infidelity. The argument I have with my husband all the time is whether or not to tell if one of us cheats. I'd want to know right away if he cheated on me; he said he doesn't want to know if I do something. I don't know, I just can't bear the thought of everyone else knowing and not me... not to mention that I'd want to talk through why it happened.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
To me cheating is so unnecessary. If you don't want to be with me be honest and tell me, I'm a big girl. However, I also understand that everyone is different and that there is more to cheating than not loving a person anymore, not everything is black and white. But for me, cheating is unnecessary and I don't know whether I'll be able to forget it. If you are not happy in your relationship, there are ways to fix it.
xgreenfairyx xgreenfairyx 6 years
I don't get what's so hard about turning to the person you're with and saying, 'I think I have feelings for someone else', BEFORE you do something silly. Why be in a relationship if all you're gonna do is hide crap? For goodness's sake, just be honest.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
If someone is honest about making a mistake, you can be sure they'll be honest when they make the same mistake again... :)
le-romantique le-romantique 6 years
I believe in honesty 24/7. My boyfriend and I are always honest. We love debate and working things out. The way I see it, if my other half was to cheat on me, I wouldn't work it out. Clearly there was a problem in our relationship, or just their character- as mentioned above. I would never give a cheater a second chance. Either giving in to temptation or mainly, a problem in the relationship, If it wasn't there the first time, it will be missing the next time. I would never cheat. If the situation ever arose, I would evaluate my relationship and probably end it if I really thought that the other person would be best. But whatever, I'm not everyone else, and you all aren't me.
Safeera Safeera 6 years
I think it's always worth trying to see if you can salvage and work through any dilemmas - relationships will have ups and downs - even if those downs include cheating. There's always bumps in the road and I think if you try and see that you can't forgive or trust that person then at least you know you attempted to work through things rationally.
Brie-Hiramine Brie-Hiramine 6 years
Your article is definitely thought-provoking; this is a really tough (and timely!) question. I'm torn--I think it just depends so much on the circumstances of the situation: you, the other person, what point in your lives you're at...it's hard to make a judgement.
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