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China's Plans to Control the Weather for the Olympics

China to Control Universe Starting With the Weather

Well, it's obvious that China isn't a capitalist society. Why? Instead of making a gabillion dollars selling souvenir Olympic umbrellas, to ensure a dry and happy experience for Olympic attendees they're employing an army of thousands (scores of thousands!) to control the weather.

That's right. They're not just interested in controlling thoughts, actions, media, Tibet, nope. They're kind of behaving like a crazy jealous boyfriend to the Weather. "Where are you going to be? What are you doing? What time will you rain?" And then they send out their army of workers, like so many hosts of Cheaters to follow the clouds and force them to comply.

How? To find out,

. 1,500 employees with 30 aircraft are set to drop chemicals into the clouds which force them to drop their water early, with an additional 37,000 part-time staff who can fire additional materials into the clouds using 7,113 anti-aircraft guns and 4,991 rocket launchers. It's elementary really. The technique, cloud-seeding, isn't new but using it to enhance the pleasure of watching the decathlon sprinkle-free, rather than say, ending a drought and preventing famine, kind of is. The state-run media claims that the Weather Modification Office (oh. not "crazy boyfriend") has "created" more than 250 billion tons of rain between 1999 and 2007.

Is it just me, or does China have a boatload of other things to worry about besides the weather? Forget selling umbrellas, China, but I have a super great idea for keeping every single spectator bone dry! It's called a roof.

Is this a storm of delusion or a downpour of utter brilliance?


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