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Is Chivalry Dead?

Here's a post from OnSugar blog Romantically Challenged.

I know this question has been posed countless time before, but yes, is chivalry dead and buried?

It's a bit of a catch-22, isn't it?  In this day and age of equality, perhaps it is looked upon as something not needed or not P.C., etc. It's perhaps looked upon as being sexist if you refer to a woman as a "damsel."

But then, what of pure common courtesy? For instance, what about holding the door for someone behind you?  If you can't be bothered to open a door for the person you are out with (and notice, I am not noting gender, for that would show bias), then surely, you can hold it open as they come in behind you, as opposed to oh say, letting it slam in their face?

Or how about this:

While it is true if you need help with something, it's good to ask.  Like help getting up from a seat or assistance stepping down or stepping up something that is high or steep.  However, what about taking initiative?  Is that something that is also becoming obsolete?  Does someone always need to ask for help in order for it to be given?

I suppose I shouldn't have titled this particular entry under "chivalry," for I am not inquiring about, oh say, pulling a chair out for a lady, or standing up when she does, or throwing one's coat over a puddle for her — nothing of the sort — nothing on such a grand scale.  Perhaps I should have just called this entry "common courtesy"?

Want to see more? Start following Romantically Challenged, or start your own OnSugar blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!


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msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
Cozy Read: Agreed. If I'm out on a date (not out with a guy friend) and/or being courted, I want him to acknowledge that I am in fact a lady, and treat me as such. That isn't weakness at all.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
fleurfairy: Agreed. I think the rude assholes...I chalk it up to lack of decency, and even perhaps the fact that they weren't raised properly. I met such a fellow the other night at a concert who maneuvered himself in front of me--in my spot--and then tried to push me later on as the concert went on, and relished, loudly, about being a rude asshole and that his mother was quite proud of him. It was disgusting.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
sourcherry: Waiting for the car door is silly, yes, but I will admit that it would be nice to be treated like a lady, and not just a friend he's hanging out with, if that makes sense. And holding doors...yes, I do it myself, all the time. Sometimes for the guy I'm on a date with, if I happen to be ahead of him. But that's more common courtesy than chivalry. At any rate, I'm glad it's still around in your parts :)
fleurfairy fleurfairy 5 years
Depends. I've had some wonderful things done for me from complete strangers (male), and I've also see men behave like rude assholes. I think the little things are always appreciated. I love when men wait for me to exit the elevator before they exit.
sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
Chivalry may be dead and I personally don't miss it, IF we're talking about the pulling out chairs, opening the car door kind of stuff. I'm not waiting until the guy goes around the car, nor until he pulls out my chair, simply because it doesn't feel like he's being nice, it feels like he's just doing it because his dad told him to!... Anyway, holding the door is entirely different, it's something everybody should do. Where I live a lot of people still do it though, so there's hope ;)
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
hypnoticmix: "Common courtesy is on the decline along with common sense." Word.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
hypnoticmix: Agreed on being a yo yo. However, from what I and my friends have experienced, pulling chairs and holding doors are on the decline as well, and nearly becoming non existent. Or if one is to go out on a date, it is no longer common for the man to come to the door. Instead there might be a phone call or text of "I'm outside."
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
postmodernsleaze: No it shouldn't. It's gotten to the point where I feel that common courtesy (which isn't all that common) should be taught. I remember I had one high school teacher that always attempted to instill in the male youth to treat the young ladies as if they were fine China...
Soniabonya Soniabonya 5 years
Common courtesy is on the decline along with common sense. :) When I think of chivalry I think of a knight on a white horse. . .
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 5 years
IMO the generational skip of Chivalry is what makes it so appealing again. It's not the same though it's modified for the times. For instance I'm not about to get up every time a lady sits or leaves the table. She'll get her chair pulled out for sure when she first sits down but I'm not about to be a yoyo. Opening and holding the door I don't think has ever died. It is coming back though because women do appreciate being treated special when they're being courted.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I wish chivalry was around more and I wish common courtesy wasn't on the decline, but I have to agree that it is. Manners should never go out of style.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
stellaRuby: I think choice is great. If you just choose you don't want it, that's one thing. But I think what many are finding is that...they seem to be off the table entirely, which is bad. To be without option is not good, IMO.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
GlowingMoon: Yes. Though honestly, I wish they were more prevalent :/
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
dexaholic: Agreed very much. In fact, I always hold open the door for someone behind me. Mama raised me right ;) And hey...are you on LJ?
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
stellaRuby: I agree. Though it appears that common courtesy seems to be withering away as well. I cannot tell you how many times I'll be on a bus or train, and see many young able bodied men (and some women) who won't give up their seat for an elderly person, someone who's abundantly pregnant, etc. And usually, I'll see a woman first to get up before a man. Actually once, when I was on crutches and on a crowded El train, no one wanted to give up their for me, even though it was more than evident I needed assistance. Douchebaggery abounds.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
Brindey: That sounds quite nice, and I am sure there are a lot of women who are envious of you for that. But honestly, I wish we could all experience such a thing, and there's no real reason why we shouldn't :)
msscarletibis msscarletibis 5 years
"'Chivalry is dead' is the excuse of lazy men everywhere. It's not dead, and women who accept poor behavior from men are only making it worse. " Agreed, though I was by no means saying it should be acceptable.
stellaRuby stellaRuby 5 years
I feel like I need to add that chivarly is dead in our house by my choice not because my husband is a dbag.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 5 years
In my opinion, chivalry and common courtesy are not dead. They're still around.
dexaholic dexaholic 5 years
Even common courtesey seems to be on the decline lately, and that's just sad. I think we all need to take a step back and think about how small little actions, like holding a door or smiling at someone you pass on the street, can make a positive impact on their day. I say we all give it a shot. Do one (or many) selfless thing(s) for someone you don't know today!
stellaRuby stellaRuby 5 years
In our house the generally excepted form of chivalry is dead, but common courtesy is not. I almost always hold the door for a person that is a few steps behind me or open the door for someone pushing a stroller. A few days ago I was at the post office and I held the door for an elderly man. He made a big fuss (he was serious, but being friendly) about how as long as he was still able to walk he was going to be the one holding the door for a "lady." I just smiled, laughed and thanked him. I had walked out of the PO, got into my car and drove away before he had made it past the second set of doors, but whatever.
brindey brindey 5 years
When my boyfriend of 2 years opens the door for me (and he always does) it gives me butterflies, just like when we had just started dating. I love it.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
"Chivalry is dead" is the excuse of lazy men everywhere. It's not dead, and women who accept poor behavior from men are only making it worse.
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