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Choosing Career Over Personal Life

A Do or a Don't? Choose Your Career Over Love

Here's a post from OnSugar blog My DISFunkshion.

In a perfect world, we would have it all: the right car, the right clothes, the right career, and the right guy (or girl), but as we all know, life rarely turns out the way we expect. What if we had to choose . . . love or your dream? For the past couple of years, I’ve declared that I would choose my career path over love.

I’ve always stood firmly by the idea that, in order to be, happy in a relationship, you need to be happy as yourself first, how could I ever be happy knowing that I sacrificed my career for a man? Then after a plethora of chick flicks all pushing the same obvious agenda, I thought . . . would I really be satisfied at the end of the day, if all I had was my apartment and a fish to come home to at night?

I know feminists everywhere are crying out in anger against this, but I am not pushing the age-old theory that a woman needs a man but something more along the lines of people need relationships. I have continued to state that I am not ready to have a real relationship (romantically or otherwise) because I don’t have time for people. I don’t need feelings or people getting in the way of what I really want.

At the end of the day, would I truly be enough? I am right now, but every now and then I catch myself missing something; the trust and the happiness you get from emotional interface. Can we ever truly be satisfied professionally if we are emotionally unfulfilled?

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RomanticAtheist RomanticAtheist 6 years
The whole point of the column was just to bring up a hypothetical situation. Will you ever be in a situation where you have an amazing job and the man of your dreams AND you have to choose? Probably not. But the point is, I have been in a situation where I had to choose between staying where I was in school and coming back home to the guy I thought I was going to marry. No it wasn't as simple as school/future vs a guy but it was still a choice I had to make at 19. And while I wouldn't change my decisions, the reasoning behind my final decision are no longer valid. And in reference to feminism, I feel like a fair amount of feminists would not advocate giving up a job you love for a guy you love. I'd like to think that being a feminist translates to equality and therefore every female should feel comfortable to make the decision that is right for her.
luna08 luna08 6 years
Paris + Hot Starbucks Guy...I'm in! :P Seriously though, I think no matter what you choose (If there is a choice. The two aren't mutually exclusive), you'll always wonder "What if?", even if you're happy. I know girls who are hot messes, following guys around quitting jobs to travel, always broke, but having a good time... and honestly, I'm a little jealous! Also,I think feminism is more about having the choice to have a career if you want it, not that you need to have a career to be a feminist.
Aida79 Aida79 6 years
Depends to the individual to make a decision..
BeamerCG BeamerCG 6 years
Define love. Are we talking boyfriend, husband, or the hot dude you just met at the Starbucks who wants you to go to Paris with him? The only one I'd consider hurting my career for would be my husband (sorry Starbucks guy) and it would depend on the situation.
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
Life is one big giant compromise after another, you find what works for you at the given time. You can't have everything every second.
reesiecup reesiecup 6 years
It really depends. I've always been a very goal-oriented person. My long-distance boyfriend is the same way. We both would prefer to establish our careers before we start a life together. It's tough sometimes but it's a sacrifice I've made for years now. What's another? :)
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
I have chosen my career and personal growth over love, but I'm still very young. But I agree with Jazz and runningesq, it doesn't have to be one or the other.
darc5204 darc5204 6 years
With you, runningesq. It takes more than love alone to make a future, and the man you can make a future with should fit in with the other really important things.
runningesq runningesq 6 years
I'm sorry, I don't understand why you need to choose one over the other.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
I hate questions like these....they are so unrealistic and black and white, there is no "right" answer. Also, we don't know if we made the "right" choice until AFTER we have made the decision. If you don't take the job of your dreams in another city because you stayed back and married your college boyfriend, had kids, and he ends up cheating on you, well, you probably should have chosen "career". If you take a job away from a man you love and try long distance, you split up, then the job starts to suck, then you probably should have chosen love. Life is about making choices...we do the best we can to make the decisions that feel right at the time, but they are not always going to be the "right" decision in the long term. We have no way of knowing that until we actually make the choice and live through it. We make mistakes. Our lives change. We can either look bad and cry over spilled milk, or we can move on with lesson learned. No matter what you choose in life, ultimately the goal is happiness, which to me is a balance between love and career. I think most people would agree with that.
stephley stephley 6 years
"remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you any more." Sorry, but that's just not true. Lady Gaga should know that very few singers have careers that span decades; Arlen Spector's political career showed him the door recently; Tom Cruise dominated the box office for years: now, m'eh. An awful lot of people on Wall Street were kissed goodbye by their careers in the past two years. Sports figures are always being told 'it's over.' General McChrystal's career doesn't love him anymore.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 6 years
I don't think "feminists are crying out in anger" over your question - you obviously don't have any idea what "feminism" means. As other have pointed out, I don't think confronting such and all-or-nothing situation is likely, and ultimately, it would just depend on the circumstances.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
Wouldn't that be nice? Some of us don't have a fabulous dream career and/or fabulous dream guy to choose between. I don't think there's one right answer.
amber512 amber512 6 years
Definitely depends on the circumstances.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I would have to choose love. But I'm just one of "those girls." If I really loved someone, (but I mean really, really loved him and couldn't live without him) I would do anything to be with him. If that meant giving up my career, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew that I lost the boy I loved for a job. Jobs come and go, true love is the rarest thing in the world.
Bridey123 Bridey123 6 years
I'm not sure where there would actually be a situation like you described, one or the other? Man or career. The whole premise doesn't sound right. Having said that... I couldn't agree more GlowingMoon. All depends on the situation. I 'threw away' an excellent job to move overseas with then boyfriend, now fiance. I did it for love. And in the process I got an even better job. I'm a firm believer that a girl can have it all and when one door closes, work or relationship, another soon opens...
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
The is really depends on the individual and the circumstances. There is no blanket answer on this one. JMHO.
sourcherry sourcherry 6 years
I can't imagine a situation where you'd have to completely give up one or the other. I mean, one think is to pass on a promotion, another is to give up your job entirely. But if I found myself in such a situation I'd choose love. A career you love is mainly an activity you love to do, and maybe some perks (money, the lifestyle that goes with that career, etc.). These last things I can live without, and I never have to give up the first. I can probably still do what I love as well, just in a smaller scale. Sure, it's awesome to do what you love for a living, but if I have to do something else to make money, that's ok. I mean, it's a big sacrifice, but for a real, long term relationship, it's worth it.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
You know what... I'm an avowed career girl but honestly... I think I would choose love. I'm talking long-term, really know eachother, know it's going somewhere love. Because you can probably find a career wherever you are that will be fullfilling, but a person... that's a lot harder to find. Now, if it's "you just got accepted to harvard but met this awesome guy in CA" then career, obviously.
stephley stephley 6 years
Your post doesn't read like 'every woman needs a man' and I don't think feminists would automatically cry out against the idea. I also can't think of too many real situations in which you'd totally have to sacrifice one for the other - if you're talking about doing work that fulfills you and a healthy, mature relationship.
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