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Co-Dependency in Relationships

Group Therapy: I'm a Nervous Wreck When My Boyfriend's Gone

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

A good example to give is this one that's happening right now. I'm on the phone with him, and I'm so happy that I'm talking to him as we've just come back from a holiday and I've become closer to him. I haven't spoken to him all day. But once he starts talking about how his day went and how nice today was, it just makes me have this bad feeling.

I've been having trouble trusting him since I found out about this girl he was flirting with through text and also he recently lied to me as a result of me getting anxious when he goes out to parties and such. I really want to stop feeling like this, it's almost like I want him to say he's been thinking about me, it's like I want him to be the center of my universe.

I really feel like I'm being so clingy and needy and insecure and that I have low self esteem. I feel like I'm going mad. I need to be the girl I was before. So confident in my relationship and myself. I know he loves me, he's always broke but took me on a 5 day getaway to Barcelona, he has my name tattooed on his skin and he's never been such a liar or hid things from me until I started being so . . . jealous and just clingy I guess.

Read the rest here.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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helpsteveo helpsteveo 5 years
Focusing on building a stronger sense of self-esteem is essential - because low self-esteem robs you of your spiritual, your emotional, your psychological and your physical energy.<a href="http://www.selfesteemaffirmations.com/self-esteem-affirmations/high-self-esteem-leads-to-truly-living-your-life">Self Esteem Affirmations</a>
helpsteveo helpsteveo 5 years
Focusing on building a stronger sense of self-esteem is essential - because low self-esteem robs you of your spiritual, your emotional, your psychological and your physical energy. Self Esteem Affirmations
Miss-Kaylie Miss-Kaylie 5 years
Helen Danger got it right! I couldn't have said it any better myself. The fact that you know he attends these parties and aren't outraged and taking action is ridiculous. It seems to me that you may be having these insecure feelings because you are dating someone who clearly doesn't value or respect women, but that is just my opinion. Please get away from him and be safe!
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
I agree with the others. Those parties are extremely disturbing and it speaks volumes about his character that he spends his time with those people and still attends those parties. I would not only question how he can stand there and let the assault happen, but I would also question whether or not he is participating in the assault. Either way, he obviously does not respect women or you. If you want to get back to the confident woman you used to be, you need to find a man who makes you feel safe and valued and stop wasting your time with someone who your gut is telling you not to trust.
dexaholic dexaholic 5 years
I was in a similar situation. He would never take me out to parties or introduce me to his friends. For a long time I thought it was because he was embarrassed by me, or because I wasn't good enough. I was jealous when he would go out without me, and constantly wondering when he would be home. It really effected my self-esteem and self-worth, and it wasn't until I realized that I deserved better, that I was somebody special and would no longer let somebody make me feel any less than that that I decided to do something about it. After we broke up I found out he had been cheating on me. Take a good look at your relationship... but most importantly, take a good look at yourself. You deserve to be happy, and anyone who makes you feel less than that doesn't deserve to be in your life!
dexaholic dexaholic 5 years
I was in a similar situation. He would never take me out to parties or introduce me to his friends. For a long time I thought it was because he was embarrassed by me, or because I wasn't good enough. I was jealous when he would go out without me, and constantly wondering when he would be home. It really effected my self-esteem and self-worth, and it wasn't until I realized that I deserved better, that I was somebody special and would no longer let somebody make me feel any less than that that I decided to do something about it.After we broke up I found out he had been cheating on me. Take a good look at your relationship... but most importantly, take a good look at yourself. You deserve to be happy, and anyone who makes you feel less than that doesn't deserve to be in your life!
sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
I cannot believe you can even look at this guy knowing that he goes to those parties! WTF?? Any decent person would call the police or at the very least stay away from that kind of people. The fact that he just stands there while women are being assaulted is... disgusting and disturbing. I'm sorry, but... what the hell are you thinking?
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Your boyfriend goes to sexual assault parties? Really? Uh, that's kinda a problem dontcha think? Morally, first and legally, second.The proper response to him saying he doesn't want you to hang out with his friends--because they might force you to get "fingered" is: WTF?? Who got hurt? Who did it? Why didn't you call the police? What the hell is going on here???Being from the Congo or Sweden or Iowa doesn't make sexual assault acceptable or understandable! The rest of your issues with this guy are petty in comparison. Dump him. And warn your friends.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Your boyfriend goes to sexual assault parties? Really? Uh, that's kinda a problem dontcha think? Morally, first and legally, second. The proper response to him saying he doesn't want you to hang out with his friends--because they might force you to get "fingered" is: WTF?? Who got hurt? Who did it? Why didn't you call the police? What the hell is going on here??? Being from the Congo or Sweden or Iowa doesn't make sexual assault acceptable or understandable! The rest of your issues with this guy are petty in comparison. Dump him. And warn your friends.
Pauladeanliveshere Pauladeanliveshere 5 years
He sounds shady, immature and untrustworthy. I would take a hard look at this situation and get out of it. It doesn't sound healthy and he doesn't sound like he has your best interests and emotions at heart.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
Rjs baby gurl said it!!!! Um, why is he going to these parties. I would be sketched out and you should be too!!!!!! Next, I would be concerned that he never wants to take you anywhere. Why don't the two of you find places and parties you BOTH can go to.You must talk to him about how you are feeling, and I think you MUST address these parties. If it weren't for those, I'd say just try to work on yourself and build your confidence, but since these parties were brought up, maybe apart of you is recognizing something truly squirrelly. He shouldn't be associating with these types of people.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
Rjs baby gurl said it!!!! Um, why is he going to these parties. I would be sketched out and you should be too!!!!!! Next, I would be concerned that he never wants to take you anywhere. Why don't the two of you find places and parties you BOTH can go to. You must talk to him about how you are feeling, and I think you MUST address these parties. If it weren't for those, I'd say just try to work on yourself and build your confidence, but since these parties were brought up, maybe apart of you is recognizing something truly squirrelly. He shouldn't be associating with these types of people.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
Wait a minute. Your boyfriend knows that his friends force other girls at parties to do stuff they don't want to do, and he still hangs out with them and go to these parties? Don't you think it's like agreeing with what they are doing? Maybe that's not the main issue in your post but I think there's a problem there. If you caught him lying to you and texting another girl in a flirty way, it's normal that you don't trust him. You made the choice to stay with him, so either you have a conversation with him about the lack of trust and how he can regain your trust, or you stay this way. He has to show you that he is worthy of your trust for you to become confident again. And seriously about those parties he goes to you need to find out more about that because it's just weird that this kind of stuff is going on there and he still goes.
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